Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Flushed Away (sometimes)

The toilet that I am lucky enough to own is one powerful bitch. It has a high powered flushing mechanism that is both a blessing and a curse(s). The blessing is that it uses much less water per flush, compared to everyday toilets.

The curse is that if you were very productive while sitting down, the violent turbo flush may not take away all of what you're offering Neptune as a sacrifice...It may require 2 or 3 (sometimes 4) flushes to remove all evidence that you were just there. In fact, it may reject it completely, and decide to fill the bowl up all the way up to the rim with stanky water, so that your "newborn children" can swim clockwise in this "pool".

If you're as lucky as I am, it may even reject it, fill the bowl up with water, and then send up a water spout, that soars high enough to escape the bowl and splash on my bare foot. I'm not really a fan of water sports here, especially when the color of the water is NOT clear.

I'm a renter. The landlady has been informed of this issue I'm having, and she was gracious enough to offer me some really useful suggestions on how to prevent this happening again, such as:

1. try not to poop so much at one time.
2. flush while you're pooping.
3. don't use so much paper.

I guess I should consider myself truly lucky, as this tempermental, regurgitating, toilet from hell has actually increased my plumbing knowledge. For example, it's taught me that those plungers you can buy at any market/home improvement store are useless. For real: ya'll need to invest in a toilet auger. I've gotten so much use out of that device, over the last 4 months. I am still waiting for the day that I can use the word "auger" in a sentence at the next cocktail party I attend....because you know what, I'm classy like that!


Steven said...

I should cut and paste this entry and send it to every member of my family.

It's like you're sitting at our kitchen table, or something.


BTW, e-mail me.

Big Daddy said...

TMI, yo.