Friday, February 2, 2007

It's Better to Give Than to Receive...Word!

I have an aunt, who lives in Washington state. She found out (through my mother's big mouth) that I recently moved to a new place. She thought that it would be a good idea to send me a care package of household items that I absolutely had to have. Used...Household...Items....My aunt can squeeze every single penny out of a dollar bill like no one else can. Both she and her home have aged very well. The inside of her immaculate house looks like a time capsule from 1955, and she's got to be floating somewhere around 75 years old, but could easily pass for 55. Her nickname (unbeknownst to her) is Dr. Joyce Brothers. If you saw her hairdo, you'd totally know why. She tells me that I'm her favorite nephew, and has taken to calling me "papi chulo".....that kinda weirds me out, as I've been called that before, but in a very different context.

Well, the giant box of crap was delivered yesterday. Inside the box was a world of plastic fantastic. For some reason my aunt thought that I really really needed/wanted the following used shit:
  • 5 sets of well used (threadbare) dish towels (circa 1974)
  • harvest gold tupperware in every size imaginable
  • an avocado green napkin holder
  • about 5 sets of mini salt & pepper shakers
  • a set of turquoise rococo coasters/trivets
  • a butt-load of clear plastic orange juice "glasses" with daisy decals ,that had been almost completely washed off over the decades
  • 3 sets of ketchup/mustard dispensers (why?)
  • and countless other miscellaneous kitchen items (all crap)

The pièce de résistance though was a used George Foreman grill. It looks like she may have had a little accident with the grill, as the back of it had burn marks. So my Mom guilted me into calling her last night to thank her for wasting all that postage. I was so tempted to tell her how I really felt, but I didn't want to piss her off, since I don't really know what her net worth is and how much of it is bequeathed to me in her will. So after 5 minutes of me gushing over all that junk she sent, (which had been relocated to the outside trash can), my aunt tells me that she was thrilled to hear that I was enjoying her used crap, and was in the middle of packing up a 2nd box for me...D'oh!!!


M@ said...

Dude, there has GOT to be some mid-century plastic-loving freak who will pay big bucks because now he can complete his 12 person setting of rococco trivets.

Charge out the ass for that shit because you can't actually FIND it anywhere, other than eBay and John Waters' house.

Michael Guy said...

Actually the rococo trivets have me intrigued.

Bitch, when did YOU start the blog?!

Christopher said...

Only Michael Guy could make those God-awful trivets work!

::adriel said...

Your aunt and my mom should talk. I get a weekly dose of the same useless items. C'est la vie, I suppose.