Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Toot Toot - Hey - Beep Beep !

Last night, I got together with a good friend & his beautiful wife, for dinner. We went to this little hole-in-the-wall Mexican place in Pasadena that was so good, that I wanted to slap the 107 year old Mamacita in the kitchen. The margaritas (cactus pear) were unreal!

But honestly, don't you just hate being the third wheel? Especially when the couple you're with start making out right in front of you, and then you get all turned on and shit and start rubbing your buddy's crotch.....with your crotch....and then the wife freaks out ?!....whatever!...but I digress...

I hadn't seen my friend since last Thanksgiving, so we had much gossip to get caught up on, so we sat around after dinner & chatted. About 15 minutes after the dinner plates were cleared, my tummy started to have difficulty silently processing the beans. My mini-muffin top was making strange noises. Sort of like the noise it makes when I'm hungry....only more threatening....like any sudden movement would send out a sound similar to a foghorn. So there I sat for the next 30 minutes, trying my best to will my gut silent....Eventually, wifey notices the sounds and asks if I'm still hungry. Always the classy bastard, I laugh it off, as fake as I can, and mutter something stupid like "yeah, I guess so...pass the nachos please".

As we head to the door to exit, I am forced to walk like a Geisha, with ass cheeks clenched tight, because like I said, I'm classy & don't want to release Montezuma's Revenge out of my ass. Well, at least not inside the restaurant. I do plan on returning some day soon. Ya'll will be happy to know that I made it outside without so much as a peep from my booty. Funny thing is that the moment I was outside, all of that gassy ugliness was gone. WTF?!?!...

So we all hug and say good-bye, and promise each other that we'll do this again soon....yeah right...As my secret life-long crush friend & his wife start to head for their car, friend turns & runs back to me & says "oh, one more thing..."......he then violently shoves his ass cheeks into my crotch & lets out the most guttural, stanky, nose hair cinging fart I've ever witnessed....he's a big guy (in more ways than one) and has his arms clamped behind my back, so that I can't escape.....the happy couple both find this hysterical....As for me, I'm weaponless. All of that gas that was making the last 30 minutes of my life a living hell?...All dissipated....So much for being classy!...

...*sigh*...

3 comments:

Michael Guy said...

Ain't love grand? BTW: I watched "Memoirs of a Geisha" this weekend...I sooo know the walk you're referencing. So dainty...in your gas-like cramping.

dbv said...

omg, i've so been there!!!

Red7Eric said...

"As we head to the door to exit, I am forced to walk like a Geisha ..."

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha! Ha!