Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Disturbing Images

I had a nightmare last night that's still haunting me this morning (more on that later). Immediately after most of my dreams I can usually recall (clearly & vividly) what took place & I try my best to remember them for morning reflection.....but most times, they're already forgotten by the time I'm out of bed, .....only foggy images & memories remain.

Like most people, I tend to have recurring dreams. Here's a sampling of the ones that tend to repeat:
  • I can fly & I'm flying endlessly in some crazy amusement park world....whee!
  • I've overslept & just realized that I'm still in college & have a major assignment due this morning....and I haven't even started it.
  • I'm endlessly running to get to someone or somewhere & I usually wake up right before I get to my destination.
  • I hate this one, but I have had it countless times (since I was in high school)...there's a party going on in my living room, but I'm in my bedroom watching everyone have a good time. Then I notice a man is looking at me through my bedroom window, with a crazed look on his face...he starts to slide open the bedroom window & come into my room. There's a knife between his teeth, and he's grinning an evil grin...I'm scared frozen...my mouth is open & I'm trying to yell out for help, but no sound is coming...he's still coming through the window & I'm still frozen...then I wake up.

Besides these panicky, stressed out dreams, there's also the assorted fluffy, happy, goofy dreams (which I don't mind) that I have to keep me from going insane. Being a big 'Mo, I also have the saucy dreams of me (with a killer bod, yo) and a friend (or 3) doing what makes me really happy (no, not shopping...I'm not that gay)...

Back to last night's dream (nightmare): I'm in my backyard & watching 2 baby alligators that are in a chain link fence type of a cage. The 2 alligators are only about 18" long (tail to mouth). One of them walks over towards where I'm standing & starts to burrow under the cage and within seconds he's escaped & running around the yard. Then the 2nd one does the same thing & starts to chase a little girl around the yard. She's screaming and running away, but the alligator is faster and knocks her down with it's tail. Then it's trying to bite her ear off. I get to the little girl and grab the alligator by the tail. I start to pound it's face with my fist. Then the baby alligator transforms into a little 3 year old girl. I keep beating her in the face and she starts to cry. Then I realize that I've been beating a little girl and she's asking me the same question: "why?...why are you doing this to me?....why?"..........she looks like the little girl from The Chronicles of Narnia (Lucy...I think)....then I set her down & walk away from her. Her head is bashed in & there are black circles around her eyes....I walk away from her, and she's still crying & still asking me "why?"...

Then I woke up...I had been crying myself...That little face is still haunting me...I have no idea what that dream means, but I definitely don't want this one to repeat.

12 comments:

Big Daddy said...

Yikes. Maybe you should be on meds.

:)

jay said...

Oh wow. Intense. I don't even know what to say.

The worst recurring dream that I always have is when everyone in my family is trying to kill me and then when I run out of my house in the middle of the night, so is everyone else in the world.

Could this be deep rooted issues with gay acceptance by my family and the world? MAYBE.

Lewis said...

I suggest:
1. Drinking heavily (not good if you're an alcoholic)
2. Smoking some pot (not good if you're a druggie)
3. Stop sleeping
4. Stop dreaming
5. Stop eating before bedtime
6. Talk about it with me, naked, over drinks
***I rarely dream***

Christopher said...

Big Daddy: YES!!!

Jay: Yikes!...now that's intense!

Lewis: That's a "No" to #1-5, but a "HELLS YES" to #6!

dbv said...

I think you're beating up your inner little girl for reasons that have yet to be revealed!! Sounds to me like somebody needs a tarot reading!!

The Other Andrew said...

I think maybe you saw "Annie" one too many times?...

Michael Guy said...

Here's a thought: Put the crack pipe down before lights out.

Har!

Jesus, girl...what's in the water out there?!

Crazy Eddie said...

I've oddly had some of those dreams with slight variation. Dreams of this nature only reflect that you're a deep, layered individual, and it shows up in the form of revisiting past eras in your life. While I'm not a dream specialist by any means, people who are dim claim that they can't dream. They're just too effing dense to even remember...

Love your writing pa.

Besos

Eric said...

Wow. What an amazingly intense dream. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it is. I rarely dream but the most disturbing ones are always the ones which cause me to wake up in the same emotional state I was in in the dream.

Red7Eric said...

Freud says that every character in your dreams are fragments of you, and that dreams bring to life internal struggles in a symbolic way. So in that dream, you're you ... AND you're the alligators, AND you're both of the little girls.

Of course, Freud smoked a little of the wacky t'backy in his day. Perhaps just talking about it naked over drinks is a better way to approach this analysis ...

D-Man said...

Ooooo, I'll have a whack at this one. Alligators represent something you are repressing/don't want to deal with - doubly so with the added cages. You REALLY don't want to deal with it. But it is able to "burrow out" of your subconscious and results in destructive behavior, threatening the child. The child represents your innocence, purity,simplicity. So, your really beating the crap out of yourself by not dealing with 'whatever-it-is'. That'll be $150 dollars, please. Cash, check or charge ;)

Christopher said...

D-Man: you the bomb, yo!...That sounds pretty logical to me...there are a couple of things that I could fill in the blanks with, but let's not reveal too much of me...yet...

and is there any way I can "work off" the $150.00?