Monday, April 23, 2007

Is It All Over My Face?

Sunday afternoon, I went to Barnes & Noble to cruise the homos in the oversized art book section look for oversized art books for my coffee table. I love going to this bookstore. I can do so much at B&N, such as: eat a tasty dessert, drink some overpriced coffee, buy books that I won't read, have an anonymous quickie in a dark corner, or take that monster crap that I'm too terrified to do at home. Above all of these things, my favorite thing to do at a bookstore is to laugh at the people in the "Self-Help" section...but that's not what this post is about. This post is about seeing someone that I dated 5 years ago at Barnes & Noble, on Sunday.

About 5 years ago I met this attractive, athletic, Latino man at a local nightclub. He approached me, said "Hi, my name's 'R' and this is for you" & then handed me a refill of my drink.....so clever! He was flattering, intelligent, witty, and had a great sense of humor. Oh yeah, he also had a stuttering problem. I didn't notice this until about 20 minutes into our conversation. I'm guessing that's when his meds started to wear off. At times the stuttering was quite severe. He always apologized after finally finishing his sentence. I truly felt bad for this man & what he must've gone through his entire life. He had to leave the club early, since he had a volleyball game in the morning, but we exchanged phone numbers and made dinner plans for the following Friday.

On our first date, he said those 3 little words that just sent me over the moon. I couldn't believe my ears. I lost all sense of self control and was ready to move in with him. I mean, it's not everyday that someone that I'm attracted to says those 3 little words. Just to make sure I heard him correctly, I asked him to please repeat himself......in my ear, he said the words again:......." I'm a Dentist ". OK, he may not be an M.D., but the man owned his own dental practice in the O.C.....That's all I needed to know. Visions of me as a kept man made me giddy and caused even more visions of me as a kept man....with an unlimited spending account.

On date #2 he really began to test my patience. The stuttering became almost constant. I started to picture me having to deal with many conversations like this. I know that probably sounds shallow, but I'm just keeping it real y'all!.....anyhoo, aside from his constant stuttering, the 2nd date was just awful. It was as if he had nothing left to say, nothing left to ask me. I did all of the talking & asking of questions, and by the end of the date I was exhausted and dry-mouthed.

We made plans for him to pick me up the following morning, to watch him play volleyball. I thought I'd give him one more chance (read: yes, the sex was that good).....He never showed up. He never returned my phone calls. Part of me was relieved, but I was mostly pissed off. I mean have the decency to at least call & stutter yourself silly that we're through. Some people are so tacky! After being stood up that morning, I never called him again, and he did the same.

I saw him about 3 weeks later, at the same club we met at. I walked right past him on my way to the dance floor, but he pretended not to notice me. While I was getting my dance on, one of his friends came up to me, and we started to dance together (real freaky, crotch grinding, nasty boy stylie). Pretty stupid of me, I know.

So that was that. Never saw him again....until last Sunday.....he came up to me while I was looking at desk calendars and said: "you're looking well Chris"....I returned the compliment (dayum, he was looking fine) and we chit-chatted for a few minutes. At the end of the conversation (he only stuttered a couple of times) he asked me out for coffee...(!?!?)....I wanted to rip into him and ask him what happened? Why did he just disappear and not return my phone calls? Why couldn't he be adult about it?....Instead, I played it cool and just replied with: "oh, no I can't, but thanks anyway".....he looked kind of offended with my reply. I was glad.

So I paid for my Salvador Dali picture book and made my way home......with a big goofy smile on my face!

11 comments:

jay said...

Serves him right!

There's no excuse for not apologizing when standing someone up.

I personally forgive but never forget.

-Jay.

Big Daddy/Buzz Saw Pete said...

My 'three little' words?

'I'm a chef'.

or

'I travel frequently'

[But actually, isn't that four words, since 'I'm' is a contraction?]

Gary said...

You are a riot. I'm coming back...

Michael Guy said...

Oh that is just unacceptable! There's a special ring of fire in Hell for those folks who stand people up. Bastards!

I see we both did the same thing this Sunday; cruised for 'coffee table books.' Uh huh.

Lewis said...

So, did he REALLY think you would go out with him again? Maybe he's been sniffing too much of the dentist gas or something. Freak.

Red7Eric said...

Good for you -- rejecting someone is never fun, unless they totally deserve it.

Steve said...

Boo-yah! Hasta La Pasta, loser. But you said he is a dentist?

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Good boy! Like Jay said, there is NO excuse for standing someone up! Either the guy is a complete asshole, or he got scared that you liked him even with his stutter - I mean, I bet that 95% of the gay population would reject him on the spot (not that I agree with that, but it's likely reality). And then to ignore you and then LATER ask you out AGAIN - the NERVE! No matter the reason, it's not an excuse!

WAT said...

A stuterring dentist.

There's irony in there somewhere...

D-Man said...

You're really buh, buh, buh, bad. Shuh, shuh, shuh, shame on you! Sorry, I couldn't resist. Ok, I'm going to hell. Anyway, did he really expect you to just forget about being stood up? He's probably that 5th dentist who DOESN'T recommend sugarless gum for his patients who chew gum, anyway.

Lewis said...

So, couldn't you have at least used him as a sex toy and then tossed him out. I mean, if you've got a credit card in your wallet, it's just dying to be used!