An old hag who hasn't really done anything that would be considered as work for the last few months now dear friend & co-worker is retiring next week, so today my work group threw her a little get the hell out already "Happy Retirement" party (in one of our conference rooms).
It was the usual waste of time festive celebration. Several balloons (the cheap, flat colored, rubber ones that show fingerprints) were scattered around the conference room, red streamers (left over from last year's Xmas potluck -- I shit you not) hung from the asbestos laden ceiling panels, and "well wishes" were scribbled on the whiteboard (in someone's disturbing "suicide note" style of handwriting).
The cake was provided by a local supermarket, along with many 2-liter bottles of soda. A variety of artery-clogging homemade dips was served along with many bags of chips & cut-up veggies...There were also a few trays of day old delicious cookies to round out the spread.
I'm sorry....I really don't mean to sound like a Bitter Bitch (yes, I do), but I really felt bad for this poor woman. She's spent virtually all of her working lifetime at this company, and you'd think that the big wigs would've thrown a little cash our way for this party. I think she deserved a proper send off into the mind numbing, depressing misery that lay ahead of her her Golden Years.
I think for my pending retirement (many, many decades away), I'll plan my own little office party....here's what I'm thinking:
- Food = Catered....chi-chi finger foods, perhaps.
- Flowers = White Lilies that have a slight gilding around the petal's edges, styled in dramatic Japanese arrangements.
- Music = Ambient background muzak....or maybe some old school New Wave.
- Decor = Ethereal....think: this is where Zeus himself must live....(neo-classical knickknacks, white columns with golden roses trailing up, billowy fabric blowing in the faux breezes).
- Waitstaff = tall Greek/Spanish/Eastern European beefy Men (with IQs that match their shoe sizes) wearing onion skin thin strips of gauze, long enough to barely cover their manhood.
- Beverages = Bollinger Champagne....no other options.
I'm still working on the details (where I'll register for gifts and what my gift bags will comprise), as this is all off the top of my head...anyhoo....Here's to you, Wendy...may you enjoy every single day of your well-deserved retirement ......can I have your stapler?