Tuesday, April 3, 2007

You Talking To Me?

Yesterday morning I noticed that I was down to the very last smidgeon (smashed pigeon?) of deodorant (I'm talking about: scraping the stick painfully across my pits to give me some kind of protection).....I made a mental note that I needed to pick some up on my way home from work....So this morning, as I'm flexing shirtless in the bathroom mirror and admiring my Abs of Steel sucking in my gut to see if I can pull off the ' Athletic Fit ' shirt (and on the verge of tears) , I suddenly realized that oops, guess what I forgot to pick up last night?

So I had to rush off to my local market for a replacement, before I drove in to work this morning. There I am standing in the checkout line, thinking Christian Thoughts, when I hear someone from behind me say: "Alex?"......"Hi, Alex?".......I don't turn around because I assume he's talking on a cell phone, and besides my name is 'Chris', and besides #2, I'm now saying the Rosary and working the beads. Then he says a little louder: "Alex?"....at this point I start to get a strange feeling in my tummy (damn Taco Bell).....and then, as I'm about to open up my Holy Bible, you know, to read a few inspirational passages, a hand is placed on my shoulder & warm morning breath says in my ear: "Hi, Alex".

OK, so now I have to turn around...It takes me a second to remember that Alex is the name that I used to give to people when I had no real interest in them (beyond getting physical), yet was too chicken shit to be honest & upfront with them.....I no longer do this. It's so much easier to be honest, and besides, with my crappy memory, it's so difficult to remember the lies.

I have no idea who this guy is. He's just beaming at me and smiling from ear to ear...I apologize for not remembering his name. He says that his name's 'Tim'. As the line slowly dredges forward, Tim & I chit-chat briefly (the usual b.s. like 'how are you?', what's going on?', etc..).

He's a pretty good looking guy. The breath is a little funky, but that can be fixed. As he's reaching for some gum (hmm, can he read my mind?), I quickly scan him from head to toe....not bad....he's a little out of shape, but hello, so am I.....from my full body scan I noticed that homo isn't wearing any undies beneath his sweat pants....and I seem to have piqued his interest, because something else is starting to peak...oh my!

Finally I'm up, and as I'm paying for my pit protection he tells me to wait up for him.....damn....I gots to go....but I wait for him. When we get outside I apologize & tell him that I still don't remember him or how he knows me. Then he starts to name places & people that I do know, and it slowly starts to come back to me...I must've met this guy back in '95, as I haven't been to the places or seen the people he mentions since then...I do recall a fun time was had at a certain club and maybe even in the club's parking lot (don't hate), but the details are a little foggy.

OK, now I have to go....I'm going to be late for work...He asks me for my name. I look at him a little confused, but he quickly says "I know your name isn't Alex...but that was the name you gave me...it's OK, I play that game too.".....I laugh it off as phony as I can and give him my real name.

We exchanged phone numbers.....Hmm...I'm a little curious as to where this will lead....I did enjoy talking to him, but he didn't make me all tingly (you know, down there), but who knows?...maybe I've found a new friend. If that's the case I'll have to edit this post a little.

8 comments:

Lewis said...

You've totally made me laugh! Repeatedly through your story. You sound just like me. But, my friend, I'd have screwed the deodorant. Not necessary.....even though many would disagree with me. And the name thing....hehehe. And now the exchange of phone numbers? Did you give him your real number or the Dial a Prayer number? So, I've got a few of those athletic fit shirts myself. We should compare sometime. Maybe even giggle a little.

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Don't ya love it (hate it) when this kind of thing happens? If nothing else, it was a fun flashback, eh? And, if the guy IS cute, you never know what could happen. You OBVIOUSLY made an impression on him if he remembered you from 10+ years ago!

WAT said...

You are a funny dude.

If ya ever are low on deodorant, use a lemon or lime! TRUE! IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC! Of course,you can't use it daily because it'll start burning your underarms, but on a real hot sweaty day or whatever, use that.

As for the fake name, HAHA! I used to do the exact same thing. How funny.

Michael Guy said...

Wow. Sorta like "Back to the Future" only with sex and stuff. Let me know how that works out for you.

Crazy Eddie said...

When you mentioned the whole sweatpants thing, I almost got a woody...

When you post your blogs, I can't help but get a visualization as I read on... it's funny...

Besos

Steven said...

You must've made SOME sort of impression that "Tim" remembered you after 12 years.

SYNRGY said...

I'm very curious to see how this one turns out...

RAD Homo said...

I really love reading your encounters and such...Makes me laugh and smile! Dont you just love it when this happens...My fake name in the 80's was Steve in the 90's Dustin and now its Lucas...LOL!!!