Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Eat Me Up!
:: Just released from the Draft Vaults ::
A few weeks back, on a Sunday night, I ventured to a local gay bar......by myself....gasp!....I haven't done that in ages. Lookit, my house was clean, I was horny as hell, there was nothing on TV, my friends were all busy, and truth be told: I really wanted to get my drinky-drink on!....and I was not about to dirty a glass...my poop chute kitchen was closed....So I headed on over to the Silver Fox. I just wanted to be surrounded by my kind for a little while & have a drink....or 2.
I walked into a pretty crowded bar (for a Sunday night). I was expecting only a handful of barflys to be glued to their barstools.....but you know how the 'Mos like to stretch the weekend out as long as possible.....(guilty).
Anyhoo, at one point in the evening, the DJ was playing a song that I had never heard before...this tune had my head bopping & my booty dropping. It was obviously a remix of something that started to sound vaguely familiar, but I never figured out what the name of the song was. I was about to ask the DJ, but there was a gayggle surrounding his tiny booth, squealing very loudly.....so I kept busting my moves to this mystery jam.
I just heard the song in question on my radio.......Horror of all Horrors!....the song is Popozao, by Kevin Federline...I just heard the radio version, but recognized certain mixed parts from that Sunday night....have you heard it? It's such a lame song......totally sucks ass, and not in the good way. That remix I heard was done by a DJ with some serious skills, yo...I feel so tricked & cheated....and usually I only feel that way when it comes to relationships, not music.....gasp!
[same Sunday night as noted above - - yes, at the same bar]........as I was working on my 2nd Whiskey Sour, this Filipino guy (who'd been cruising me since I walked in) came up to me & said: "you're a very handsome man"....I said "Thanks, you too" (I wasn't lying...I'm guessing that he was north of 50, and was in great shape...but I wasn't into him) .....then he said it again. I thanked him again, and turned in the opposite direction (I wasn't looking to hook up & he really wasn't my type).
Then he started to rub my shoulders (day-um he was good at it too)....and whispered in my ear: "you're a very handsome man".....AGAIN (!!)....at this point I was so tempted to pull up my t-shirt, point to my gut, and ask: "oh yeah?....how do you like them apples?"......but I'm so damn
fake classy, that I just patted him on the shoulders and told him that he didn't have to keep saying that.
He asked me if I had a BF, and I said yes, and that I needed to leave soon or else he'd start to worry. He then asked if he could take me back to his place to "eat me up"....
...ummm...WTF???!!!.......I told him that that sounded a little scary & "no". He LOL'd and started to rub my shoulders again....this man had magic fingers, but I wasn't attracted to him & he was really starting to bug me.
I think that Baby Jebus was sending me a sign that it was time to go nighty-night. So, after sucking every drop of whiskey out of the ice cubes, I turned to my admirer, hugged him & told him "good night". ...he whispered in my other ear: "maybe next time, I can have you for dessert".....I made a "Is You Crazy?" face at him and left. ......I never knew that Gay Cannibals were attracted to me? Must be all of the winter weight I'm carrying....hmmmm...yet another reason to get in shape!