Friday, June 22, 2007

Oh The People You'll Meet

I spent a couple of hours last night beating off to random on-line porn doing laundry. Now, in order to be down with my people, to be one of the bourgeoisie, I did it at my local laundromat (the laundry, not the beating off).

It's sad but true...I do not own a washer/dryer. Ever since I fired my Houseboy (for performance issues), I've had to leave my house for a BJ wash my own damn skid marks out of my tighty-whities...

I've been putting off buying a washer/dryer ever since I moved into my new digs last October. Truthfully, I really don't mind schlepping my laundry for a couple blocks to the laundromat. I can get all of my clothes/towels/"pleasure rags", etc washed, dried & folded within 1.5 hours.

Back in the day, I would spend most of my Sundays doing laundry...pretty much all afternoon.
Another benefit of doing my wash at the 'mat is all of the people watching I get to do. Here's a sampling of a couple folks that I passed judgement on noticed last night:

The Flirt
This 20-something mother of a 2 year old little girl was so entertaining to watch. Here's a visual: 4"10"...175 lbs (I'm being conservative)...Latina with dark skin & blonde hair (why oh why do my people think this combo looks good??....only RuPaul can pull off this look!), "white" wife beater that was being stretched in so many unnatural directions, and the show stopper was the pink sweat pants with the word "F L I R T" across the butt. Oh, child....those pants were about 6 inches too long & they had such a hard time keeping your stomach(s) covered up.....and, NO, you flirty thing, I did not need to see your ass crack, but thanks anyway...Normally, I wouldn't say such awful things about someone who has a hard time walking away from the Chalupa, but she was such a mean bitch to her little girl....yup, she pissed me off.... The 2 year old was a real cutie...she looked like a little sprite child & was the most well-behaved child I've seen in a long time. She sat in a laundry trolley the entire time I was there. Those metal bars had to be uncomfortable, and every time she moved a little her mother yelled at her to "stop moving!!".....I was so tempted to tell her that I was impressed at how well her daughter behaves, but I was afraid she'd catch hell for "showing off" or something....I think she's just jealous/bitter that her baby is everything she isn't : thin & cute.

The Dumb Jock
There's this beefy Aberzombie type of jock that I see here once in awhile. So damn hot with medium brown hair, green eyes, & a ridiculously perfect body. The poor thing has no idea that he's supposed to separate his clothes & not just throw them all (whites mixed with darks) into one machine. This one also has a problem with his sweat pants staying up, but I have no issues with this....I only wish he'd stop wearing boxers & go commando for a change! He spoke to me once. He asked me "where do the quarters go in the machine?"....I had to explain to him that this laundromat uses prepaid money cards that you add money to, as needed. He followed me around the place with his hot breath only inches from my neck...yes, a mouth breather...I'd love to love him long time, but he seems to have a rash down there, and he's straight (he brought his chick with him once), and I get a feeling that he just isn't into flabby homos.....sigh!

Well, there you have it...would you be my, could you be my....my neighbor?!

10 comments:

Though Lovers Be Lost said...

That's okay, I'll do your ironing any time ;-)

And you should see the sights in the laundry room in our building... even after 30 years here, it's never boring!

franck said...

The scene with the jock sounded like it came straight out of a porn movie. Well, the start of it anyway.

On a more serious note: I think it's sad that the mother you described, who doesn't appreciate what she has (a well-behaved child which is so rare these days) gets to have kids, yet people who desperately want to adopt can't, just because they are both equipped with the same naughty bits.

(I would never want kids, just arguing the case for others)

Michael Guy said...

Yes, you can be my neighbor! Can I schlepp my dirty laundry to your place, though?

Christopher, the BF has done MY laundry for 25+ years. I soon have to go it alone!?!! That or go commando 24/7. Help me sort my tightie-whities? And what gin goes with WISK? :)

Big Daddy said...

Bombay Sapphire is best with Wisk.

Tanqueray is best with liquid Tide.

Scot said...

I will need to come back to this to finish the observations, but just wanted to give you kudos for also using pleasure rags. It seems so much more sanitary to catch it than to just let if fly at will....

D-Man said...

Ah, just bring a six pack (the beer kind) and offer to explain the great mysteries of laundry to him. He'll be astonished by your knowlege and wisdom, and by now a little bit sloshed, too. Then you invite him back to your place to show him how to properly fold things. On the bed, of course.

jay said...

Sigh, why are the hott ones (to me) almost never smart or gay or if they're smart, hott and gay involved?

Red7Eric said...

Hot straight boys can be super annoying, but if I'm in the right mood, I can just sit back and enjoy the visuals -- doesn't cost a thing, and unlike a trip to Baskin-Robbins, it doesn't contribute to my belly issues.

You'll have to find a way to get even with Bad Mommy at some point -- throw some bleach into her darks when she's not looking or something. I hate Bad Mommies.

M- Filer said...

Dumb cute jocks and fat loud latina's...brings back memories. AAHHH

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Sounds like the usual random assortment of laundromat freaks - not including you, of course, my fuzzy kitten!