Mama called last night for her weekly check-in (to see if I'm still alive)...she also called to cry on the phone with me over her new hairdo. She went to Fantastic Sam's & according to her, ended up with a "dyke haircut". Poor Mama...I keep telling her that she needs to treat herself & spend a little money on a proper hairdresser. To make matters worse, my Dad & her got into a little argument and Pops called her Billy Jean King.
I asked Mom about my uncle who's been having some marital problems lately. When I asked: "so how's Uncle Manny doing?"...she replied with: "What??!!...are you kidding me?"....Oh-oh...I knew I was in trouble here...
I figured that she must've recently updated me on him, and I either forgot or just wasn't really listening...Also, my Mom has a bad habit of retelling stories that I just heard the other day....she does this quite often.
As soon as the conversation starts with: "Have you got a minute...I have to tell you about your uncle?", I'll set my phone to speaker mode, go bake an apple pie, and just interject every few minutes with an "uh-huh" or "oh really"....once Mama starts talking, there's no stopping her...even when you say : "Oh dear God, not this story again....you told me this two nights ago...this is a long ass one".....nope...she never hears that.
Here's how the remainder of the conversation played out:
Mom: "are you seriously asking me how my brother Manny is doing?"
Me: "yes....why, what's wrong?"
Mom: "your Uncle Manny is dead. He has been dead for 5 years. You were a pall bearer at his funeral."
Me: "Ooops....I meant Uncle Richard"
Mom: "He's fine...I have to go...love you, bye...[disgusted sigh]"