Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Gone But Not Forgotten...Sorta

Mama called last night for her weekly check-in (to see if I'm still alive)...she also called to cry on the phone with me over her new hairdo. She went to Fantastic Sam's & according to her, ended up with a "dyke haircut". Poor Mama...I keep telling her that she needs to treat herself & spend a little money on a proper hairdresser. To make matters worse, my Dad & her got into a little argument and Pops called her Billy Jean King.

I asked Mom about my uncle who's been having some marital problems lately. When I asked: "so how's Uncle Manny doing?"...she replied with: "What??!!...are you kidding me?"....Oh-oh...I knew I was in trouble here...

I figured that she must've recently updated me on him, and I either forgot or just wasn't really listening...Also, my Mom has a bad habit of retelling stories that I just heard the other day....she does this quite often.

As soon as the conversation starts with: "Have you got a minute...I have to tell you about your uncle?", I'll set my phone to speaker mode, go bake an apple pie, and just interject every few minutes with an "uh-huh" or "oh really"....once Mama starts talking, there's no stopping her...even when you say : "Oh dear God, not this story again....you told me this two nights ago...this is a long ass one".....nope...she never hears that.

Here's how the remainder of the conversation played out:

Mom: "are you seriously asking me how my brother Manny is doing?"
Me: "yes....why, what's wrong?"
Mom: "your Uncle Manny is dead. He has been dead for 5 years. You were a pall bearer at his funeral."
Me: "Ooops....I meant Uncle Richard"
Mom: "He's fine...I have to go...love you, bye...[disgusted sigh]"

...Ooops!...

30 comments:

Silly Billy said...

Wowsers. I am glad that Uncle Richard it doing well though.

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

My oh my...

Jim said...

I think I would have said, "uh, so uncle Manny is still dead then?"

How many uncles are there?

Scot said...

I love this story.
Of course if your mom was the type to go to psychics it would have been a legitimate question....

Lewis said...

I can just hear Daddy calling her Billy Jean......poor thing. I got my very first perm in 1980 at Fantastic Sam's in Idaho. Maybe Momma should try that location.

Paul said...

You really have to start worrying if your mom starts wearing leather and riding motorcycles. Those are the first signs of lesbian syndrome. Made me chuckle though, sounds like you and your dad have similar personalities when it comes to being goofy? And gosh... you must have had your mind in other places....like the gutter or something asking about the wrong uncle. Your lucky she didn't suggest a psychiatric evaluation. They might find all sorts of things in that nogin ;)

charlie said...

lmao

Christopher said...

JIM: On my Mom's side of the family I have 7 Uncles & 6 Aunts...this was a farming family.

Lewis: I think I saw that photo of you with a perm....timeless!

Paul: No my Mom & I are similar in sarcasm, I mean humor...so I'm pretty proud of Papa for getting a zinger in!....and baby, my mind's always in the gutter!

Scot: oh, the stories I could tell you regarding that...but that's a post for another time!

Donnie v2.0 said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time - what a great post. Sorry to hear about your uncle Manny, lol.

Steven said...

That's the same conversation I have with my mom all the time.

Then again, we have the same mother.

Rey a.k.a. "Mr. Secret" said...

My mom has so many sisters (she's one of nine) that I can't remember who's alive and who's dead. So, I've done the same thing on numerous occasions.

And a Billie Jean King haircut ain't that bad... If he called her "Mr. Clean", I'd be worried.

cb said...

Poor Manny. And my mom got a dyke haircut recently... on PURPOSE no less. She thought she might look good with the susan powter look. I tried to rescue her, but alas...

Greg said...

d'oh!

SYNRGY said...

This is cracking me up... good for your Dad... popping one off.
LOL I'm still laughing... Manny/Richard it sounds so similar... and you were a bearer... I'm sorry, its just funny...
Awww... Thanks for the referral... I'll have to service you for free... Hmmm that didn't sound right... I give you a free service... Ummm I'll throw in free product your next service... Hmmm well you know what I mean... ;)

Christian said...

This is hilarious.

D-Man said...

Your Mom shoulda replied to your Dad, "Watch it, I could find me a sugar momma in no time..."

As for uncle Manny... heheh. That's a classic. You'll NEVER live that one down.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Natalie

Jules said...

Can't we chalk that up as being an honest mistake? A brain fart?

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