Monday, November 19, 2007

Crouching Homo, Hidden Tempura

Oh Happy Day, the boss is away....btw, the boss shall herewith (forthwith? onward? do you give a shit?) be referred to as "Jerusalem Slim"...a coworker (the only one in this group I can bear) decided that he needed a code name (so that we could freely talk smack about him & not have to worry too much about it getting back to him) ....so I came up with "Slim", but he thought that to be too obvious, so he added "Jerusalem"....I'd say for no rhyme or reason, but actually, it does rhyme...kinda...so bite me!

Anyhoo...my entire work group thought that it'd be fun to take a 2 hour sushi lunch to celebrate the absence of Jerusalem Slim....I wasn't in the mood to hang out with this group of dullards, so I quickly 'remembered' that I already had a lunch date, "with a friend at a Mexican restaurant nearby"...it's too bad that they wanted Japanese today, 'cause I've been craving sushi for quite awhile now & they really got my crave going. My 'lunch date' turned out to be a little retail therapy at the local mall, where there was a sushi joint in the food court.....wheee!

You know, it's really pitiful that I felt like I had to "smuggle" my tempura plate back to my desk (I spent way too much time shopping & had to get my order to go). One of these days I'll grow up & simply state "no thanks", the next time I am asked to join them for lunch...."no thanks"...and no explanation needed (although, they WILL ask "but why not?").

So here I sit....clandestinely eating some really tasty skrimps, zucchini & sweet potatoes! I almost got caught wanking in the men's room with a shrimp tail in my hand by a nosey coworker who wanted to know "how my lunch date went". I really had to restrain myself from not shouting: "It was fantastic since you lot weren't there, draining my patience & sucking out any joy I was feeling"....but 'tis the season to be joyous & shit, so I maintained my cool & mentioned that "the margaritas were great!"....me so phony!

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11 comments:

Paul said...

I'm glad you avoided the coworkers...they will suck your will to live if you spend too much time around them! We cant be having that now...Only one thing needing to be sucking on you and that be me! Oh wait that sounded pornographic. I meant a kiss! ;)

Eric said...

Oy. I cannot even imagine having to spend personal hours being social with my coworkers...except one, maybe two of them. But Lady Grumpy McBeard and Farty O'Shitpants? Never in a million years.

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

You so CRAZY! You so BAD!

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Michael Guy said...

I have mastered this quick response:

"Thank you. I have a prior engagement."

Stand in front of your mirror until you can say it without a shit-eating grin.

:: works for me ::

Har!

Shirley Heezgay! said...

Many a co-worker has been deked out of a lunch, and many more to follow, I'm sure.

Great blog!

Lewis said...

Why is it that I zeroed right in on that last bit of verbiage: the draining and sucking part?

Bruce said...

You so FUNNY!

Creative Thinker said...

Hi -- I just stumbled on your blog and I really like it. Look forward to reading more of the back stuff. I put you on my blogroll if you don't mind...

JOE * to * HELL said...

me so phony! hahahahahahaha

now - on to the details of your dirty scandalous weekend pls

Christian said...

LOL you are so funny.

Jules said...

LOL! Entertaining little triumphant story about how in the end we all get what we want...

oh that's a crock of shit... but I'm glad you got your tempura!