Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Hair-A-Parent

One of the many joys of raising teen aged girls is having to deal with all of the hair that they shed on a daily basis...especially when one is an Emo child, oops, I forgot that "Emo" is no longer cool...now it's all about being a Scene Kid (basically an Emo kid, only happier & with more color in the wardrobe). Scene kids (girls & boys) like to change their hairstyles....often....I'm talking hair being trimmed, above the bathroom sink every 1-2 weeks.

What that means to me is me removing hair from the sink basin (before it gets stuck going down the drain), drying my face off with towels that have little "surprises" tucked into the folds of the towel, as well as me having to sweep up renegade hair from the bathroom floor, even after a "please go sweep up the hair that you've got laying all about the bathroom floor"command has been issued & "swept up" by my little Fashionista.

My bathroom sink recently got a nasty clog in it. I thought I could fix this little problem myself, so I loosened the J-trap, and watched in disgust as the stank water poured into the bucket below....I nearly gagged when some of the water splashed into my open mouth...disgusting! Then something really nasty happened....this wad of hair sloooowly began to descend from the pipe. It was so nasty looking. It was teardrop shaped & glossy, with what appeared to have been hair gel, tooth paste, semen, and various bits of debris tangled up in it. It just hung in the open space between the pipe's end & the bucket below...taunting me.

It reminded me of a scene from the movie Alien. It was at this point that I started to gag....the sight of it glistening & twisting slowly above the foul water was grossing me out. Maddie, (my youngest), heard me gagging & walked into the restroom to see what was up. The moment she stepped through the doorway she screamed "it smells like something died in here" and then ran off...(bless her!)....Thankfully, the little alien life form dropped into the bucket below, without any assistance from me. So I reattached the pipes, ran some water and then flipped out once the water began to backup again!

That clog remover stuff you buy at the grocery store is crap....what a waste of $7.00. So I called in the big guns....that's right, sulphuric acid. That magic potion took care of the clog in no time at all....oh sure, I can no longer produce any more offspring, due to inhaling some of the toxic fumes, but as Martha always says: "That's a Good thing!"

My only regret is that I didn't get a pic of the hair wad before I threw it over the fence, into my neighbor's yard.....I know it...I'm such a bad blogger!

13 comments:

eliot said...

how did pawl's semen get in the sink?
- eliot
dailybriefing.wordpress.com

Steven said...

Should I even ask what everyone is thinking of right now?

Ok... Why would there be semen in that mess you pulled out of your drainpipe?

T Unit said...

Jerkoff races over the sink died in middle school.

franck said...

I was going to comment on the semen, but I won't now.

Atari_Age said...

Well... from my prior career in biological research, I can say: It's amazing how many things can look like spunk when given enough time to decompose. But it's more fun to think it is what it looks like!

Paul said...

I told you we were too old for those jerkoff races in the bathroom sink! Next time I guess we can just do it in the toilet instead ;)

Thankfully you couldn't smell the full power of that clog or you would have been spewing lunch up for sure.

Silly Billy said...

You did your own plumbing work? Thats hot!

Scot said...

Can I just say, "Yum!"

Greg said...

Ew!!!!

Eric said...

In grad school, I came home to a bathtub full of a scary dark fluid as the pipes had begun to back up.
Source? Not semen-covered hair, but a tree root which had grown over 15 years into the pipe. The plumber had to come out there (and no, he was unfortunately not a porn plumber but he did show too much unseemly crack) and had to pop the cap out in the backyard. The resulting geyser of shit was enough to make me lose my lunch (metaphorically. I'm good at holding it in).

Big Daddy said...

You used sulphuric acid?!

My bro did that and it ate through the pipes [plastic] causing extensive damage.

M- Filer said...

EWWWWWWW!

Jules said...

That had me cracking up!!! Even had to read that to a friend on the phone! Oh, Topher, you're gorgeous!