Monday, April 30, 2007

Boy George Accused of Kidnapping


Boy George is out on bail, while police investigate allegations that he kidnapped a male escort and then chained him to a wall in his London home. Auden Carlsen claimed that he met Boy George on the website, Gaydar and was invited to Boy’s house to pose for pictures. The Norwegian escort alleges that he was overpowered by the singer and another man and then chained to a hook on a wall.

Carlsen said he feared for his life when Boy George “pounced on him and tied him up”. “I was convinced I was going to die,” he said. “George handcuffed me to a hook by the bed as they held me down.” He further alleges that Boy produced a box of whips and sex toys and told him: “Now you’ll get what you deserve.” Carlsen escaped by pulling the hook from the wall and fleeing.

Scotland Yard today confirmed they are investigating an allegation of false imprisonment and common assault, believed to have occurred in the early hours of Saturday.

Last summer Boy was ordered to sweep the streets of New York for five days after he admitted wasting police time. He was given the community service sentence after pleading guilty to falsely reporting a burglary at his apartment in Manhattan, where police ended up finding his stash of cocaine.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Posterized


Played around with PhotoShop this morning and voila!....the original pic was of me standing at my bathroom sink, but the towels hanging over the shower stalls in the background looked a little tacky.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

My Fall From Grace

During my lunch break today, I picked up some much needed toiletries from my local Wal-Mart.....normally, I steer clear of that place, since it's so ghetto (I usually stay loyal to Target....so much more fabu), but there's a W-M right across the street from where I work at, so suck it!

On my way to the check out register, I spotted some funky/sexy/cool looking plastic picnic ware....Some of the pieces were surprisingly modern in design & looked very much like heavy glass. I almost put a large, clear, plastic serving platter under my coat in my basket, but after reading the "Not Dishwasher Safe" sticker, I quickly put it back on the shelf.....note: Homo don't do dishes....Well, I sorta tossed it back onto the shelf, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see that it bumped into some plastic Margarita 'glasses'.....and one of them was about to fall.

My cat-like reflexes kicked in, and I turned on my heel (Kenneth Cole NY, bitches) to catch the 'glass' during mid-drop.....well, that was the plan anyway.....what really happened was: I tripped over my remarkably big feet (size 9 shoes, y'all!), as my sissy ass tried to catch the piece of crap before it hit the dirty floor.....I landed on my right knee.....HARD....I wanted to scream like a little girl, but instead I gritted my teeth, and through clenched teeth growled: " son-of-a-bish! "......so butch, huh?

Y'all will be happy to know that I'm ok...there was no need to call an ambulance after all. No law suit needs to be filed. No one saw me fall (that I know of). I'm especially grateful that none of my family members saw me fall, because they would've been howling with laughter...that sounds messed up, I know, but that's my family....damn it!....

Lookit, I may have ended up with a red, sore knee, but in the end I got a great idea for a blog post!....I guess it's all about ying-yang , or karma... or... something ....

Please stop laughing at me!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Devil Drives a Mini-Van


On my drive in to work this morning, I spotted a woman, who looked exactly like Alannah Currie from the Thompson Twins. She had her blonde, curly hair pulled up into a hat, with a shock of blonde curls spilling out from under the bill. The hat even had an oversized bill like Alannah's (think of those jazzy Asian women's sun caps that are so popular right now.....ahem). Seeing this woman brought back a flood of happy memories.....for example:

When I was 16, my Dad transformed our small garage (after much begging) into a huge bedroom for me. My parents gave me free reign to decorate the room as I saw fit, as long as I paid for it with the earnings that I made from my part-time job. My room was like, totally awesome....I had several huge paper ball lamps that I hung from the rafters at different lengths, which nearly reached the floor. I also had many, many, blow up dolls globes (in various sizes), that also hung from the rafters or lay scattered about the room. I scotch taped some funky "geometric print" wrapping paper onto the fronts of my metallic wardrobe doors. I bought my own thrift store furniture & painted everything black, white, or red......there were even a couple of black bean bags, you know, for whenever I was entertaining company (my Grandmother)...

In the 80's, the Thompson Twins were one of my all-time favorite bands. On the walls, I pinned up many, many posters of them (along with a couple of Depeche Mode)...I'm sure the room must've looked extremely cheap/tacky/teen-homo, but for this New Wave boy, it was totally cool.....I was so proud of my room, and I couldn't wait to show my Grandmother when she arrived to spend the summer with us....

Grandma kept it real & always spoke her mind, so I was looking forward to some honest feedback....She said that she thought my bedroom was "cute" (I was looking for a little more input, but whatever, she's old). She didn't get the paper lamps (she thought that they were a fire hazard).....When she looked at my posters she asked if Alannah was a man or a woman....then she said: "Ay, Dios Mio!...she looks like La Diabla (translation: the Devil)"......so sweet of her, I know. Then she asked me where my poster of the Virgin Mary was.....I said :"who?" .....the next morning a Rosary necklace mysteriously appeared on my nightstand....

I sure do miss that room...but I miss that fashion forward young man who wore Ton Sur Ton shirts with cropped ankle pants & Kung Fu slippers, with the crimped (dyed) blue-black hair in the asymetrical haircut even more...

I'm thinking of going as Tom (the light skinned Twin) this year for Halloween....now all I need is a friend to go as Joe (the 3rd Twin) & a woman (or a Fem guy that could pass) to go as Alannah.....I'd have to start growing out my hair, but I think I have enough time to make it work!.....or maybe I'll just get real & save my dignity/career and just buy a damn wig!

Note: Alannah now lives in New Zealand with husband Tom (yes, they got married & had 2 kids) and is the driving force behind MAdGE, or Mothers Against Genetic Engineering, an anti-genetic engineering campaign. Joe is somewhere in L.A., last I heard, and was working in sound design for movies & television commercials.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Is It All Over My Face?

Sunday afternoon, I went to Barnes & Noble to cruise the homos in the oversized art book section look for oversized art books for my coffee table. I love going to this bookstore. I can do so much at B&N, such as: eat a tasty dessert, drink some overpriced coffee, buy books that I won't read, have an anonymous quickie in a dark corner, or take that monster crap that I'm too terrified to do at home. Above all of these things, my favorite thing to do at a bookstore is to laugh at the people in the "Self-Help" section...but that's not what this post is about. This post is about seeing someone that I dated 5 years ago at Barnes & Noble, on Sunday.

About 5 years ago I met this attractive, athletic, Latino man at a local nightclub. He approached me, said "Hi, my name's 'R' and this is for you" & then handed me a refill of my drink.....so clever! He was flattering, intelligent, witty, and had a great sense of humor. Oh yeah, he also had a stuttering problem. I didn't notice this until about 20 minutes into our conversation. I'm guessing that's when his meds started to wear off. At times the stuttering was quite severe. He always apologized after finally finishing his sentence. I truly felt bad for this man & what he must've gone through his entire life. He had to leave the club early, since he had a volleyball game in the morning, but we exchanged phone numbers and made dinner plans for the following Friday.

On our first date, he said those 3 little words that just sent me over the moon. I couldn't believe my ears. I lost all sense of self control and was ready to move in with him. I mean, it's not everyday that someone that I'm attracted to says those 3 little words. Just to make sure I heard him correctly, I asked him to please repeat himself......in my ear, he said the words again:......." I'm a Dentist ". OK, he may not be an M.D., but the man owned his own dental practice in the O.C.....That's all I needed to know. Visions of me as a kept man made me giddy and caused even more visions of me as a kept man....with an unlimited spending account.

On date #2 he really began to test my patience. The stuttering became almost constant. I started to picture me having to deal with many conversations like this. I know that probably sounds shallow, but I'm just keeping it real y'all!.....anyhoo, aside from his constant stuttering, the 2nd date was just awful. It was as if he had nothing left to say, nothing left to ask me. I did all of the talking & asking of questions, and by the end of the date I was exhausted and dry-mouthed.

We made plans for him to pick me up the following morning, to watch him play volleyball. I thought I'd give him one more chance (read: yes, the sex was that good).....He never showed up. He never returned my phone calls. Part of me was relieved, but I was mostly pissed off. I mean have the decency to at least call & stutter yourself silly that we're through. Some people are so tacky! After being stood up that morning, I never called him again, and he did the same.

I saw him about 3 weeks later, at the same club we met at. I walked right past him on my way to the dance floor, but he pretended not to notice me. While I was getting my dance on, one of his friends came up to me, and we started to dance together (real freaky, crotch grinding, nasty boy stylie). Pretty stupid of me, I know.

So that was that. Never saw him again....until last Sunday.....he came up to me while I was looking at desk calendars and said: "you're looking well Chris"....I returned the compliment (dayum, he was looking fine) and we chit-chatted for a few minutes. At the end of the conversation (he only stuttered a couple of times) he asked me out for coffee...(!?!?)....I wanted to rip into him and ask him what happened? Why did he just disappear and not return my phone calls? Why couldn't he be adult about it?....Instead, I played it cool and just replied with: "oh, no I can't, but thanks anyway".....he looked kind of offended with my reply. I was glad.

So I paid for my Salvador Dali picture book and made my way home......with a big goofy smile on my face!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Party Like It's 2033

An old hag who hasn't really done anything that would be considered as work for the last few months now dear friend & co-worker is retiring next week, so today my work group threw her a little get the hell out already "Happy Retirement" party (in one of our conference rooms).

It was the usual waste of time festive celebration. Several balloons (the cheap, flat colored, rubber ones that show fingerprints) were scattered around the conference room, red streamers (left over from last year's Xmas potluck -- I shit you not) hung from the asbestos laden ceiling panels, and "well wishes" were scribbled on the whiteboard (in someone's disturbing "suicide note" style of handwriting).

The cake was provided by a local supermarket, along with many 2-liter bottles of soda. A variety of artery-clogging homemade dips was served along with many bags of chips & cut-up veggies...There were also a few trays of day old delicious cookies to round out the spread.

I'm sorry....I really don't mean to sound like a Bitter Bitch (yes, I do), but I really felt bad for this poor woman. She's spent virtually all of her working lifetime at this company, and you'd think that the big wigs would've thrown a little cash our way for this party. I think she deserved a proper send off into the mind numbing, depressing misery that lay ahead of her her Golden Years.

I think for my pending retirement (many, many decades away), I'll plan my own little office party....here's what I'm thinking:

  • Food = Catered....chi-chi finger foods, perhaps.
  • Flowers = White Lilies that have a slight gilding around the petal's edges, styled in dramatic Japanese arrangements.
  • Music = Ambient background muzak....or maybe some old school New Wave.
  • Decor = Ethereal....think: this is where Zeus himself must live....(neo-classical knickknacks, white columns with golden roses trailing up, billowy fabric blowing in the faux breezes).
  • Waitstaff = tall Greek/Spanish/Eastern European beefy Men (with IQs that match their shoe sizes) wearing onion skin thin strips of gauze, long enough to barely cover their manhood.
  • Beverages = Bollinger Champagne....no other options.

I'm still working on the details (where I'll register for gifts and what my gift bags will comprise), as this is all off the top of my head...anyhoo....Here's to you, Wendy...may you enjoy every single day of your well-deserved retirement ......can I have your stapler?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

When The Lights Go Out

Boy, was I surprised when I came home last night, to find that my street had lost all electrical power. It was pretty windy yesterday, and the winds had caused some of the 6 ft long palm fronds to come loose from their trees. One of those giant branches fell into the power lines & shorted out the electricity along my street. I wouldn't have minded to have been without electricity for the couple of hours that it took to restore power, but I had a dinner date to get ready for....and it was starting to get dark.

So there I was taking my shower by candlelight, when I started to get ideas of maybe just hanging out here a little bit longer until my man arrived...after all, I left the front door open and the mood was already set, right? But I'm a good boy, and don't put out on the first date...usually....sometimes....shut up!

The power outage really had me worried y'all....to be honest, I was scared shitless (side bar: does that expression mean that I was so scared that I couldn't shit or that I was so scared that I shat myself empty?......I'm guessing the former.....and in case you're worried about my regularity: I shat just before jumping in the shower.....but I'm digressing!).....where was I going with this?....right, I was scared shitless that my hair wouldn't come out right, as I really couldn't see the back & sides of my head with the pitiful candlelight I had going on.

Well, I took my chances and worked the 'do as best I could.....I just realized that I never really checked my look during the date.....hmm...for all I know, I could've been looking like Alfalfa....hmm...maybe that's why I was getting all those snickering looks & giggles from the others in the restaurant. All along, I thought I was being laughed at due to the skin tight Emporio Armani crushed velvet pants I was sporting....silly me!

I finished up getting ready a little earlier than usual and I had a good 10 minutes to kill (very much out of character for me)...so the problem became: what should I do now?....watch TV?....lip sync to music?.....whip up some Margaritas?...cruise hard core porn online?...post about this experience?....finger myself?...The answers (Oops, no electricity) to theses questions would be no, no, no, no, no....and "maybe just a little"....but seriously, thank Jeebus for cell phones! I decided to return a phone call to a certain Canadian friend....(Hey Boo, sorry I had to cut the chat short....I'll make it up to you!).

Oh yeah, the date went ok...but it was just 'ok'....*sigh*......there were no sparks (at least I've made a new friend), but dinner & the wine was great, and isn't that the best part of the date anyway?....well, besides all of that grunting, sweating, heavy breathing, heart pumping, dirty talking, action that sometimes happens.....and no, I'm not talking about me trying to fit into my 32" waist jeans!

Last night's highlight: In a 'Mo bar, getting hit on by a Very Large Man that asked me: "what do I have to do to get you to come home with me?"....I replied: "pay my mortgage".....his reply: "ok"......eeek!....the date returned from the bar at this point & Large Man apologized to us both saying that he thought I was single & alone. The Date replied: "oh, go for it, we have an open relationship".....so clever that one!

Monday, April 16, 2007

I Left My Fart in San Francisco

Did y'all miss me?...well I missed you all & I have to apologize for the last few posts....I was trying to meet my personal daily requirement to write something, and all I ended up posting was a bunch of fluff...let's not let that happen again...'mkay?

San Francisco was Fantastic!.....yes, I did all of the touristy stuff and even got to hang out with my sister and some of her friends....way too much food was eaten & way too many drinks were had, but I rationalized it all away, with all of the walking that I did...seriously: if I lived in SF, my booty would be high & mighty, for sure!

I checked out some really nice art galleries (so many to choose from), and I squeezed in a little time for shoppping at some of my favorite stores (which all were within walking distance of my hotel in Union Square). Wisely, I didn't go overboard with the shopping though, as I wanted to save room in my suitcases for all of the free bath towels, toilet paper, bottles of shampoo, water glasses, chair cushions, bedding, hangers, framed art (what's up with screwing the frames into the walls?), iron & ironing board, and the Holy Bible that the hotel just gives away.

The people here (non-tourists) are some of the most friendly & helpful folks I've met....For Real: the Man Candy was aplenty! In a couple of the 'Mo bars, I made out chatted with some guys that were so out of my league, that I had to look over my shoulder to make sure that they were actually talking to me...and the kicker is that they approached my dumpy ass...sigh, but all they were interested in was chatting....and not my ass.

I can definitely see me living here in the near future....this has been an idea that I've long been brewing...I've already found the street I want to live on (North Beach, I think the area's called). It's very near the Palace of Fine Arts. Now all I need is a Sugar Daddy, with a short life span & a generous heart....I'm kidding....such a kidder this one!

Some random SF observations:
  • The Castro was fun, but as someone mentioned it wasn't anything new or unexpected...I was kinda expecting it to be some sort of giant "Gay Mecca", where Rip Taylor himself would welcome me in a shower of rainbow confetti, as I walked through a giant rainbow arch to receive a coupon book for all of the local gay attractions...fun was had here, nonetheless.
  • During closing time, One should avoid walking past the meat markets in Chinatown....I learned the hard way that the rotting entrails, carcasses, beaks, scraps, etc all get dumped from large buckets into even larger trash cans street side, for all to view as you walk on by...that visual/sound/smell will be with me always.
  • Some people think that it's cute to shit themselves, while riding the bus.....yes, I'm talking to you: the lady with the orange shag carpet wig that someone cut up, with a pair of pruning shears and then attached to your "grays" with some glittery hair clips....such a sassy look for someone with bowel control issues....we all saw that stain on your backside.....here's a tip: stop wearing khaki pants....they're a dead give away.
  • There are a lot of bums with fucked up arms/legs/eyes/feet in Union Square.....is there some kind of bum "cock fighting" sporting event that's going on here? Are these poor souls rounded up nightly & beguiled into fighting a fellow "homestead-challenged" to the death?...with the incentive here (I'm only guessing) being the promise of shelter for the evening, or maybe it's a hot meal, or maybe it's the promise of booze...(or something a little more advanced that's injected/snorted?)...Sure, we have plenty of bums in L.A., but they're just dirty/crazy/high/drunk...L.A. bums seem pretty healthy in comparison, (well, as far as having all of their body parts goes)....Surprisingly, the few bums that I hung with in SF did seem to have their wits about them....and isn't that what's really important? Yes, they may have been missing an eye, but that ain't nothing a D&G eyepatch couldn't fix.
I've gotta give a special shout out to a certain muscular stud that I almost lured back to my hotel's alley junior suite, but my damn sister & her friend 'jock blocked' me. I'm talking about a delicious slice of Italian beefcake sporting a black track suit, who accidentally bumped into me at the bus stop. Yes, I did notice that you forgot to put on your chonies in the morning...Babe, I saw that salami swinging between your muscular thighs 2 blocks away...my gaydar was beeping like crazy....and was that Acqua Di Gio that you were drowning in?....call me!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Victory is Mine!


I created a list of things to do over my week long vacation, and one of the things on the "get caught up on/finish this shit" list, was to finish playing 'God of War'.

Y'all, I loves me some PlayStation 2 (...don't laugh). Yeah, I know I'm about a decade behind the other gamers out there, as Sony has already released God of War 2 (Ebay, here I come)...anyhoo, Kratos (pictured above) kicked the life force out of Ares & took his place up on Mt. Olympus (i.e., I won/beat/finished the game)...personally, I thought that the final battles were way too easy, but whatever...I kicked booty!

I turn into a different person whenever I play video games. If you're in my prescence while I've got my game on, I only have one rule for your ass, and that is : 'shut the fuck up'. I had a friend over while I was playing God of War, and during some difficult moments he kept asking questions and telling me what to do. At one point, he even had the nerve to say to me: "Man, you're pitiful....you suck at this!"....I really wanted to grab the nearest heavy, blunt object and show him what "pitiful" really looks like...but all of my shit is nice shit, so I didn't...and besides, I really wasn't in the mood to clean up blood. (yes, Andrew...I'm talking about you!)

I'll admit it...I'm still a 17-year old geek at heart!

Hmm, what's next on the list? ahh, yes...GET LAID!....I better get to working on that, stat!

(Not) Everything's Coming Up Roses

This is what's been keeping me busy in my spare time....wishing I had more land to grow more shit, but I'm making due with what I've got!...now if only I can find a way to get rid of the damn slugs and other bugs that like to feed upon my lovelies!

...Click-y Pic-y Make-y Big-y!...



Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Putting On A New Face

I was so tired of having my pant's top button leaving an imprint on my stomach my blog's color scheme, so I decided to freshen it up a bit. The gray background just didn't show up too well on my home computer...

With this new look, I'm getting a retro 80's (or is it a 50's) vibe meets Miami Beach....I'm loving it at the moment, but not sure if it'll last...I'm wondering if it's a little too vivid...??

Feedback is very much wanted/needed/appreciated...

Monday, April 9, 2007

Vacation Time

As of today, my week long vacation begins...and not a moment too soon! Work was getting a little too crazy, so my personal Spring Break is just what the 'mo ordered....The first half of the week I have nothing planned. Maybe I'll dust off that pile of books & attempt to read one or two. Or maybe I'll get caught up on watching Lost (I loves me some Lost big time). I'd work on my tan, but I'm not a fan of the skin cancer...Maybe I'll clean out & organize the garage...or just maybe I'll do nothing at all!

I do know that I'll be doing the Happy Hour thing with some friends on Tuesday. I'm very much looking forward to eating $1.00 tacos & drinking many Margaritas (on the rocks -- no salt)....because I'm cheap like that.

The last half of the week is going to be spent in San Francisco (woo-hoo!)....Thanks to everyone who've left comments on things to do!

I'm not sure if I'll be posting much this week, you know, with all of the "doing nothing", there might not be much to post about ...but please keep checking in anyway....I needs y'all...and besides I'm turning into a big stats whore!

Have a great week y'all...I know I will!

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Friday, April 6, 2007

San Francisco Days (and Nights)



I'll be spending the last half of next week in SF....I've read a couple of guide books, and I plan on doing/seeing all of the touristy things. If anyone has some suggestions on things that I should do or see, please feel free to share. It's a shame that this is my first time to SF, and I've lived my entire life in L.A.....time to get my SF cherry popped!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

My Visual DNA

Disturbing Images

I had a nightmare last night that's still haunting me this morning (more on that later). Immediately after most of my dreams I can usually recall (clearly & vividly) what took place & I try my best to remember them for morning reflection.....but most times, they're already forgotten by the time I'm out of bed, .....only foggy images & memories remain.

Like most people, I tend to have recurring dreams. Here's a sampling of the ones that tend to repeat:
  • I can fly & I'm flying endlessly in some crazy amusement park world....whee!
  • I've overslept & just realized that I'm still in college & have a major assignment due this morning....and I haven't even started it.
  • I'm endlessly running to get to someone or somewhere & I usually wake up right before I get to my destination.
  • I hate this one, but I have had it countless times (since I was in high school)...there's a party going on in my living room, but I'm in my bedroom watching everyone have a good time. Then I notice a man is looking at me through my bedroom window, with a crazed look on his face...he starts to slide open the bedroom window & come into my room. There's a knife between his teeth, and he's grinning an evil grin...I'm scared frozen...my mouth is open & I'm trying to yell out for help, but no sound is coming...he's still coming through the window & I'm still frozen...then I wake up.

Besides these panicky, stressed out dreams, there's also the assorted fluffy, happy, goofy dreams (which I don't mind) that I have to keep me from going insane. Being a big 'Mo, I also have the saucy dreams of me (with a killer bod, yo) and a friend (or 3) doing what makes me really happy (no, not shopping...I'm not that gay)...

Back to last night's dream (nightmare): I'm in my backyard & watching 2 baby alligators that are in a chain link fence type of a cage. The 2 alligators are only about 18" long (tail to mouth). One of them walks over towards where I'm standing & starts to burrow under the cage and within seconds he's escaped & running around the yard. Then the 2nd one does the same thing & starts to chase a little girl around the yard. She's screaming and running away, but the alligator is faster and knocks her down with it's tail. Then it's trying to bite her ear off. I get to the little girl and grab the alligator by the tail. I start to pound it's face with my fist. Then the baby alligator transforms into a little 3 year old girl. I keep beating her in the face and she starts to cry. Then I realize that I've been beating a little girl and she's asking me the same question: "why?...why are you doing this to me?....why?"..........she looks like the little girl from The Chronicles of Narnia (Lucy...I think)....then I set her down & walk away from her. Her head is bashed in & there are black circles around her eyes....I walk away from her, and she's still crying & still asking me "why?"...

Then I woke up...I had been crying myself...That little face is still haunting me...I have no idea what that dream means, but I definitely don't want this one to repeat.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

You Talking To Me?

Yesterday morning I noticed that I was down to the very last smidgeon (smashed pigeon?) of deodorant (I'm talking about: scraping the stick painfully across my pits to give me some kind of protection).....I made a mental note that I needed to pick some up on my way home from work....So this morning, as I'm flexing shirtless in the bathroom mirror and admiring my Abs of Steel sucking in my gut to see if I can pull off the ' Athletic Fit ' shirt (and on the verge of tears) , I suddenly realized that oops, guess what I forgot to pick up last night?

So I had to rush off to my local market for a replacement, before I drove in to work this morning. There I am standing in the checkout line, thinking Christian Thoughts, when I hear someone from behind me say: "Alex?"......"Hi, Alex?".......I don't turn around because I assume he's talking on a cell phone, and besides my name is 'Chris', and besides #2, I'm now saying the Rosary and working the beads. Then he says a little louder: "Alex?"....at this point I start to get a strange feeling in my tummy (damn Taco Bell).....and then, as I'm about to open up my Holy Bible, you know, to read a few inspirational passages, a hand is placed on my shoulder & warm morning breath says in my ear: "Hi, Alex".

OK, so now I have to turn around...It takes me a second to remember that Alex is the name that I used to give to people when I had no real interest in them (beyond getting physical), yet was too chicken shit to be honest & upfront with them.....I no longer do this. It's so much easier to be honest, and besides, with my crappy memory, it's so difficult to remember the lies.

I have no idea who this guy is. He's just beaming at me and smiling from ear to ear...I apologize for not remembering his name. He says that his name's 'Tim'. As the line slowly dredges forward, Tim & I chit-chat briefly (the usual b.s. like 'how are you?', what's going on?', etc..).

He's a pretty good looking guy. The breath is a little funky, but that can be fixed. As he's reaching for some gum (hmm, can he read my mind?), I quickly scan him from head to toe....not bad....he's a little out of shape, but hello, so am I.....from my full body scan I noticed that homo isn't wearing any undies beneath his sweat pants....and I seem to have piqued his interest, because something else is starting to peak...oh my!

Finally I'm up, and as I'm paying for my pit protection he tells me to wait up for him.....damn....I gots to go....but I wait for him. When we get outside I apologize & tell him that I still don't remember him or how he knows me. Then he starts to name places & people that I do know, and it slowly starts to come back to me...I must've met this guy back in '95, as I haven't been to the places or seen the people he mentions since then...I do recall a fun time was had at a certain club and maybe even in the club's parking lot (don't hate), but the details are a little foggy.

OK, now I have to go....I'm going to be late for work...He asks me for my name. I look at him a little confused, but he quickly says "I know your name isn't Alex...but that was the name you gave me...it's OK, I play that game too.".....I laugh it off as phony as I can and give him my real name.

We exchanged phone numbers.....Hmm...I'm a little curious as to where this will lead....I did enjoy talking to him, but he didn't make me all tingly (you know, down there), but who knows?...maybe I've found a new friend. If that's the case I'll have to edit this post a little.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Viva Las Vegas!


Over the weekend, I escaped to Las Vegas, Baby. Since my sick leave/vacation days are already scheduled for 2007, I had to fake an illness at the workplace (around 10 a.m.) in order to make my 1 p.m. flight on Friday.

This mini-vacation came courtesy of one of my friends with a gambling problem a very generous friend. Friend received a special offer from the Wynn Hotel, that was just too good to pass up. Upon arrival, we immediately cruised the hotel's casino for prospective sugar daddies, you know, to pay for our shit....but that didn't go as we hoped it would. So, after spending a little of our own money in the casino (losing it all), we went upstairs to have wild monkey sex take a disco nap/shower/prep for the evening. For real: the Wynn is gorgeous. Our room was large and the bathroom was ginormous! The hotel staff really knows their shit and we had zero problems. This is definitely a place I'd return to (if someone else is paying of course).

Friday night, we ate dinner at Circo in the Bellagio Hotel. Dinner was amazing, and came with a great view of the "dancing" water fountain show. After dinner, we went to see "O". I've been wanting to see this show for years, and was just blown away. If you ever get a chance to see a show in Vegas, see this one....It's a bit pricey, but well worth it....we were pretty tired after a full belly & the show, so after a nightcap, we called it a day.

Saturday "morning", we had breakfast (around noon) in one of Wynn's cafes, and I was very impressed with the Wedgwood flatware that they trusted me with provided their guests with. I was lusting it big time. The flatware would've worked great with my chipped dinner plates from Target's Home collection, but the only reason why I'm not the proud owner of said set, is because my friend is such a wimp, that he refused to load a complete setting for 8 into his giant man purse for me. He is dead to me!...well, not really. To make amends, he smuggled some over sized bath towels for me...such a giver that one!

The rest of the day was spent shopping & schlepping. We checked out the usual hotspots (Caesar's, Venetian, Paris, etc...) I loved how at Ted Baker (located in Caesar's Forum shops) we were given Cosmos while we giggled at the price tags shopped.

The funny thing about Vegas is that it seems like there's always a cocktail in your hand...regardless of the day, or whether you're inside or outside...to keep ourselves from getting totally wasted (before dinner), we noshed on Italian candy, gelato, pizza slices, and whatever other food presented itself to us...(diet, be damned!)

We had a late dinner at Okada (in the Wynn)...beautifully presented Japanese food, with service that was amazing. After dinner, we headed on over to Krave nightclub, to check out all of the sexy people. Talk about eye candy overload! The go-go dancers were especially loverly. For Real: there was one Puerto Rican dancer that had me in a trance...I so wanted to be his thong! Whoever's hiring the bartenders, dancers, restroom attendants is doing an excellent job of keeping the pretty employed. I had a great time here, and shaked my ass to great mixes of 80's new wave & bumping, thumping house music. As for the clientele, there's a good mix of every type of 'Mo here...from the the sexy set (shirtless & buff) to the not so sexy set.

Shortly after 3 a.m., we stumbled back into our hotel room & the next thing I knew, it was 10 a.m on Sunday morning...After doing the "Triple S" (shower, shave & shit), we scarfed down a quick breakfast & cabbed it to the airport to head back to reality (Boo!)....silly me forgot to apply sunscreen on Saturday, so now I'm going to have to explain to my boss how my face got sunburned over the weekend (wasn't I supposed to be sick?)....wish me luck!