Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Denied

Today is a very dark day indeed...One of the real pleasures in my life has been taken away from me, denied of my daily pleasure am I. The bastard Internet monitors at my J-O-B have blocked access to any and all of the blogs that I read on the daily.

I think this course of action calls for my immediate resignation...or maybe I'll just permanently "borrow" a laptop from one of my coworkers...I need some token of consolation...Dammit, now what will I do for 6 hours every day?...work?...highly unlikely.

I need a tall, cool, stiff one to make me feel better...or perhaps a drinky-drink will do the trick.

[deep, defeated sigh!]

Monday, October 29, 2007

At Last...


I finally got to meet one of my favorite bloggers, Paul, this weekend (what a hottie!). He was going to be in L.A. for part of the weekend, so I begged bribed invited him to stop by my place, so I could liquor him up & take advantage of him show him around Long Beach. Paul is so well endowed much fun, and I knew right away that things were going well, once we started to fart in front of each other...or in my case, me farting on Paul.

Paul was a blast! I gave him a quick blow job tour of the city, we went to dinner, saw a movie (we were not amused), and then got our drink(s) on...Our time together flew by way too fast, but we said that we'd meet up again soon, and I'm definitely holding him to that promise.

Thanks for a great time Paulie...I miss you already!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Dumbledore is Gay...[gasp!]




Well one of 'em is...get your T-shirt here.


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Start Your Shopping Engines...


Two more months, people...I've got a feeling that this year is going to be a good one! Please remember that I like shiny things that cost a lot of money...like a stainless steel, rhinestone encrusted toaster oven that has an iPod adapter...oh, yeah, I want a matching iPod too...


But seriously, Christmas isn't about expensive gifts...it's about fellowship, celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus, and....ok, I can't continue with that load of crap...Happy Shopping!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I Confess

I've been tagged by Robert to answer the following questions...Praise Jebus, cause I had nothing to write about today:

Taken a picture completely naked? Nope.

Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page? Not yet.

Danced in front of your mirror naked? Many times.

Told a lie? NEVER! (hahahaha!)

Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Yes...back in 2002, I was head over heels for this guy that I would see at a local dance club (Fire Island), and I'd try to work up the courage every week to say hello, but never did...he had no idea I existed...the ironic thing is that I saw him last Saturday at Ripples, and he looked exactly the same...but I felt NOTHING for him.

Been arrested? No.....I run fast.

Made out with someone of the same sex? Hells yeah!

Seen someone die? No.

Slept in until 5pm? All the time in college.

Had sex at work? Define "Sex".

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes....8:00 AM classes should be banned.

Held a snake? Quite a few times...[wink]

Ran a red light? Yup.

Been suspended from school? No, but almost got suspended in college, when a professor busted me & my classmate for copying each other's homework...what a lame reason to get kicked out....we begged (classmate cried) for mercy & got it.

Totaled your car in an accident? Nearly totaled.....twice....both times were NOT my fault.

Pole danced? Does a floor lamp count?

Smoked? Nope.

Been fired from a job? Yes....when I was 16, I was a box-boy for a local market...the manager accused me of hiding out/sleeping in the backroom....actually I was drinking wine coolers in the ice box.

Sang karaoke? Never...my singing voice is very similar to the sound of a goose....being strangled.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes....way too many times.....I even did SOMEONE I told myself I wouldn't.

Laughed until a drink came out your nose? Milk, soda, water, and whiskey....all seperate occasions.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.....it was D'Lish!

Kissed in the rain? Several times.....me likey.

Sang in the shower? Yes...I'm a legend in my bathroom.

Given your private parts a nickname? "It"....as in: .....Suck "it" !

Ever gone out without underwear? Yes. it was a little uncomfortable, but I felt so naughty.

Sat on a roof top? Yes.

Played chicken? Never played chicken, but definitely choked a chicken.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes....and that shit ain't funny (unless you're doing the pushing).

Broken a bone? No...but I have popped one.

Mooned/flashed someone? Yes and yes.....Grandma did NOT find that amusing.

Shaved your head? No...me head's too lumpy.

Slept naked? Yes.....Thank Jebus for bleach!

Played a prank on someone? Oh child, all the time!.

Had a gym membership? Yes....finally putting it to good use.

Felt like killing someone? Have I mentioned my coworkers yet?

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes....both.

Cried over someone you were in love with? Yes.

Had sex more than 10 times in one day? No. I never did Ecstasy.

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No....that's just sad.

Been in a band? Yes, a Marching band...I played trumpet.

Subscribed to Maxim? Yuck.....that's not my bag baby.

Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? No....I don't do shots....I'm a classy 'Mo....I like my booze in a big glass...with fruit & umbrellas falling out of it.

Shot a gun? No...but I've shot a load.....(last night).

Had sex today? No.....sigh.

Played strip poker? No...I only play video poker.

Tripped on mushrooms? The only tripping I do is over my feet.

Donated Blood? Yes....a very long time ago before I started to sleep with the mens.

Video taped yourself having sex? No...I'd be too concerned about how I looked to have a good time.

Eaten alligator meat? No. but they do make nice shoes/bags.

Ever jump out of an airplane? No.

Have you been to more than 10 countries? No....sigh.

Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Yes...names witheld to prevent any embarassment.


So there you have it...now I'm supposed to tag five other bloggers to repeat this meme, so I choose: Joe, CB, Terrence, Atari, & Jules.

...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Scary Monsters !


This is what happens to leather that sits out in the sun for way too long! I mean, come on....Donatella looks like a man in a wig, who's been punched in the face (a few times) & Iggy Pop looks like he's homeless, with that nasty, dirty hair...Ick!

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Dirty Blow Job

It's that time of year again...the warm Santa Ana winds are blowing through SoCal, igniting wildfires & causing residents of Malibu to flee their multi-million $ homes yet again....silly rich people...they never learn!

Yeah, the winds were really blowing Sunday afternoon....I thought it'd be a good idea to open up all the windows & doors to vent out my stuffy house. The winds got so strong that potted plants on my front porch were being knocked over, doors in the house were slamming shut, and about a dozen palm fronds were scattered all over my front lawn....what a mess them Santa Ana winds made.

There's something about this kind of weather that puts me in a real sleazy cleaning mood....so I gave my house a really good scrubbing....from the front door to the back...I didn't take a break until after I'd made dinner & finally plopped my butt down in front of the TV to relax & unwind.....and that's when I noticed the layer of dirt all over my coffee table, end tables, TV, and ottomans......dammit....those F*ckin winds blew in all kinds of filth into my house!!...guess that's what I get for laughing at those Malibu fools....Karma be damned!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Flashback Friday

Senior Prom - 1986


I know it...that hairdo is the bomb, right? AquaNet was my friend (as was a crimping iron)...This pic brings back so many good memories....of that Swatch Watch...it was also the bomb...but then I had to go & lose it on a beach!


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Feeling Flabulous!

I've noticed in some recent photos that I've put on a few pounds over the last few weeks. Dammit...my secondary chins were starting to recede, but then I return to poor eating habits (McGrease & Taco Smell for lunch), and stop working out for almost an entire week...well, the fat party's over y'all....time to kiss fatty foods & carbs good-bye (again)...and I'll be renewing my commitment to having more sex (any takers?) visiting the gym every other day.

This week, at the workplace, has been especially tough for me as on Tuesday we celebrated "Boss Day" (WTF??!!) & this week is also Accounts Payable Recognition Week...translation: there are goodies everywhere you look...

Maybe I should take advantage of my gag reflex & take the easy way out....just pig out, then puke it all away (nah, I can't stand the aftertaste).....or maybe I could get weekly hydro colonics (nah, I'm not a bottom....hope that doesn't disappoint anyone)....Jebus give me strength!

Well Jebus did help to suppress my appetite today, due to me seeing a German Shepherd lying dead on the 605 freeway....headless....I shit you not....his head was lying a few yards away from his body.....just how in the hell did his head get lopped off?...Never mind, I'd rather not know.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

My NYC Visit

Here's a breakdown of what I did during my (way too short) NYC visit...this is gonna be a long post.

Wednesday
  • Arrived in NYC around 4:00 pm....got to the hotel around 5:00 pm (stayed in Chelsea).
  • Saw Spring Awakening at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre @ 8:00 pm.
  • Ate dinner at Pigalle @ 10:30 pm...crazy fast service & excellent food (I had the skirt steak).

Pigalle


Thursday

  • Walking tour of SoHo, Nolita, & Tribeca @ 10:00 am...this was great, as it was just my friend Les, the guide & me.
  • Lunch at Ideya in SoHo for some Cuban/Caribbean food (grilled salmon, salad & plantains for me). For real: their batidos (cold drink made with your choice of fruit puree, milk, coconut cream, nutmeg & rum) are a must....slurp!
  • Shopping in SoHo...bought some Dunnys & a mousepad at KidRobot.
  • Disco napped due to the sudden rain.
  • Happy Hour at Honey in Chelsea ($5 martinis!!)...this place just opened last August, so they're still working on building up its clientele...this place is the epitome of NY cool...I'll definitely be back.
  • Dinner at Birdland (a jazz supper club) @ 7:00 pm & the performance @ 8:30 pm.
  • Drinks in Hell's kitchen were had first at Posh Bar and then some more boozing at Therapy.

Ideya


KidRobot Store

Honey Bar - Chelsea

Friday

  • Breakfast at Room Service Restaurant in Chelsea...really affordable, tasty food (for two breakfasts & 2 mimosas, the bill was under $24)...what a great find!
  • Walked around Central Park to work off breakfast, and to make room for lunch (hot dogs, warm peanuts & a diet Pepsi)...I loves me some warm nuts!
  • I wanted to feel like a big shit shot so we tried to get our afternoon drink on at the bar in the Park Plaza, but dammit, it's still closed due to renovations....so we sashayed on over to the Ritz-Carlton instead, for some white wine & some satay...this hotel is gorgeous...I want to stay here just for a night, but I'll have to steal someone's credit card first....I tried to snap a few pics in the restroom (which was bigger than our hotel room) but kept getting interrupted...if you're ever in the area, do yourself a favor & check out the restrooms...gorgeous!
  • With my hotel hopping fetish in full swing, I wanted to check out the Hudson Hotel...we walked right past the front door, as you don't really notice it & there isn't any signage...I vote for having the next BBHH at their outdoor rooftop patio/bar...this hotel is uber chic/cool (like me!)
  • Boy Blogger Happy Hour at XES @ 5:00 pm.....the highlight of my trip!
  • The BBHH after party (Rey, Billy, Daryl, Les, & me) moved onto Barracuda and didn't end til around 2:00 am.
  • Grabbed dinner at some pizza joint around 2:15 am....not good, I know, but the pizza was damn tasty (like me)!

Room Service


Central Park - The Mall




Park Plaza

The Star Lounge @ the Ritz Carlton



The Star Lounge @ the Ritz Carlton



The Hudson Hotel - Registration area



The Hudson Hotel - Outdoor Bar

Saturday

  • Overslept and was running late for our trip to the Cloisters...was supposed to meet up with Eric for lunch, but blew him off (sorry Boo!)...it's amazing how secluded you feel from the city up on that hill...beautiful....since time was an issue, we didn't get to spend as much time here as I'd like.
  • Saw Hairspray at 2:00 pm....no time for lunch, so I literally shoved a corn dog in my mouth while waiting in line....and I can hear you all giggling!....I loved Hairspray...the best part was when Jim J Bullock lost it, during a song with the mother (played by Paul Vogt) and couldn't stop laughing...the audience went nuts! Lance Bass played Corny Collins and was actually pretty good (but then again, I'm easy to please.....mmmkay?)
  • Spent some time window shopping 5th Ave...I can't believe that Mexx (one of my favorite clothing stores in NY) has closed up shop in the U.S. (boo!)...for shits-n-giggles, we went into Bergdorf Goodman to giggle at the price tags...then I used their loo to take a dump...told you, shits-n-giggles!
  • Walked right past Missy Elliot on 5th Ave, with her entourage carrying all of her bags from Fendi & Gucci....she was sporting jeans and a turquoise blue sequined hoody (hood over her head) with a lollipop in mouth.
  • Checked out the Top of the Rock at dusk...we were there at the best time with perfect weather.
  • Dinner at Colas in Chelsea...great Italian food at very reasonable prices.
  • Disco napped before heading out to the East Village to go bar hopping with Rey where we checked out: Urge (the go-go boys here are yummy!), Boysroom (saw Cazwell), Phoenix, and then Nowhere Bar (loved the 80's music they were playing)...then we grabbed a bite to eat (cheeseburger) and got back to the hotel just before 5:00 am!!!



The Cloisters

The Cloisters

Taken from Top of The Rock

Sunday

  • Overslept again & almost missed checkout....had to cancel brunch plans with Rey, but will have to make it up to him someday.
  • Packed like a madman & had a car drive me to the airport to take me back to reality...boo!

NYC Souvenirs!





Monday, October 15, 2007

Blogger Boy Happy Hour - NYC


This past Friday was Blogger Boy Happy Hour (BBHH) at XES. I was really looking forward to this all week long. Many thanks to Billy for getting the word out for this BBHH meet up. I have to admit that it was kinda surreal meeting the guys behind some of the blogs that get me through the (work)day.....I had a blast....this was the icing on the cake of my NYC trip!

Blogerratti in attendance were: Billy (as charming & handsome in real life as I had imagined...still can't believe he's single!), Eric (my brotha from anotha motha...I could talk to this one for days), Rey (my new BFF...we shared so many stories/laughs...miss u already), Brechi (what a handsome/nice/easy to talk to kind of guy), Cooper (such a hot/friendly/funny guy & did I mention that he's hot?), Mike (tall, smart, witty, with a smile that lights up the room), Chris (his pecs intimidated me, but he's such a friendly guy, that I quickly relaxed & enjoyed chatting with him for a bit....standing between Chris & Mike sorta made me want to start singing "We Represent the Lollipop Guild"), Kenneth (Superstar blogger...ridiculously good looking, intelligent, with a sense of humor very similar to mine), and a few others who I weren't familiar with & who's names escape me...D'oh!

Thanks guys...you really made my trip!!

Rey, Me, Mike (kneeling), & Eric


Brechi, Cooper, & Me

Rey, Brechi, Billy & Me

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Truth Revealed



The answer to the question of which of my 3 statements found in this post is true...

...is #1 (I've been trained in the ancient & mysterious ways of ka-ra-te'). If I can find some pics of me striking a pose, with a throwing star in hand, I'll post them.

So sad to say that NO ONE got it right...Booo!....I am especially disappointed in Franck for getting that one wrong. We have met, yes?...hehehehehe.

Anyhoo, I just got back in from NYC, late Sunday night, but I'm just too tired to write anything more tonight, but stay tuned for my NYC visit post....so much fun was had, and it was very difficult to come back home.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Heading Home


It's 5 a.m. and I'm heading to the airport, to catch a 7 a.m. flight to NYC for my annual visit. I'm really looking forward to getting some shopping done, eating way too much food, taking in a couple of musicals, going on a walking tour, checking out The Met, cruising Central Park, and the highlight of the visit wll be meeting up with some of my favorite bloggers on Friday.

New York has always felt like home to me. I think I was born on the wrong coast...maybe I can correct that someday!

My posting may be minimal or non-existent the rest of this week, but please don't leave me...I get back late Sunday evening...gotta run, my ride just pulled up!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Oh Snap!

It appears that when I edited my post below, I forgot to hit "refresh" before making some final edits & some of the changes I made were lost...one of these edits was including The Notorious J*O*E to my tag list...D'oh!

Joe, please forgive me & please molest me know that you were truly included in my original list of tagged bloggers...so please play along!....if it brings you any comfort, please remember that this post is all about YOU, and that I'm currently listening to Sorry by Madonna.

One of These is Not Like The Other



The devilishly good-looking Rey has given me an STD tagged me with a fun meme. I'm supposed to write about two truths and one lie, and y'all have to try to figure out which one is the lie...but I'm going to flip the script and make mine about two lies & a truth...try to find the truth, bitches.

  • I took karate lessons when I was a kid, from around age 11 - 15. I worked my way through all of the different belt levels & eventually got up to a brown belt. I had a knack for weapons, especially throwing stars, bo, and nunchucks (sp?). I stopped taking lessons at 15, because once I turned 16, I would be placed in the adult division, and there was no way in hell my scrawny ass was about to go against burly 30 year old men. I think if it came down to it, and I needed to defend myself today, I'd make my Sensei proud [...hai...!] My parents still have all of my trophies and ribbons stored in a box in their garage.

  • When I was in my early 20's, I would spend many Saturday nights at my favorite dance club in Hollywood, Florentine Gardens...it was a straight dance club [gasp!]...this was one of those places where you had to "dress to impress", which I always did in my Z Cavaricci pants, Generra shirt, patent leather creepers, and hair plastered stiff & pointing straight up to heaven (Aqua Net was my friend). They had a weekly dance contest, which I finally worked up the nerve to enter. My girlfriend (shut up...I know) & I tore it up to "Brass Monkey"...and we won! The big prize?....4 drink tickets & 2 passes for free admission.

  • When I was 10 years old I nearly drowned in a pool. My parents rented a cabin in Big Bear Lake for a week one summer, and my older sister & I begged my parents to let us go swimming, in the public pool just down the road. My folks said that they were too tired and we'd have to wait. Well, being bratty kids, we kept begging until my father finally gave in, threatening violence if anything happened to either of us. My 16 year old sister swore that she'd watch me like a hawk, since I couldn't swim that well. My selfish sister was oblivious to me drowning in the deep end of the pool, as she lay on a lounge chair working on her tan...in fact she barely even noticed when a stranger jumped in the pool (fully clothed) to rescue me....I still haven't forgiven that bitch!

Now I’m supposed to tag a few people but I don’t know who hasn’t done this meme yet....but, I am curious to see what the following bloggers would say: Paul, cb, Jim, Greg, Big Daddy, & Jeffrey....feel free to play along...or not.



Monday, October 8, 2007

Needs No Correction

I've been tagged by the lovely, yet gassy Jules to write about my most common writing mistake. So here you go Babe: my most common writing mistake is using the wrong form of to/too/two....this drives me crazy whenever I read this type of mistake on other blogs, or worse, when I read it in print...Editor be damned!

Even though I do know which form to use, sometimes while typing, I'll still type the wrong form, despite my mental reminder to choose correctly...Arggh!....Thankfully, my OCD compels me to review & re-review a post before I hit the publish key.

I know that many of you out there think that I am flawless in every aspect, so I really hope that I'm not disappointing anyone by revealing this...I AM HUMAN....well, for now at least...once the Borg assimilates me, I'll be true perfection.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Last Night I Dreamt...

...that Somebody loved me...


Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Is There A Tailor In the House?

There's a CPA that works in my department, who is one of the smartest men I've ever met. I think that he actually drains some of my brain cells, whenever I stand next to him....and here I was hoping that some of his smarts would rub off on me.

As intelligent as he is, he's quite awkward in social settings. He doesn't really know how to interact with others during business lunches...instead of socialising, he becomes a wallflower...quietly observing us all.

It's odd, but he makes me want to behave & not act a fool whenever he's around...am I subconsciously looking for his approval?...am I terrified that he's a ticking time bomb, carefully analyzing us all, quietly deeming who is worth sparing on that one day he loses his marbles and goes postal on his coworkers?

...maybe...and yes!

I noticed in an old photo, that sits on my supervisor's desk, that he used to be really fat...obese really. He stopped by my cubicle this afternoon to drain some more brain cells thank me for helping him with a report. I told him that I noticed the pic & congratulated him on his weight loss. He said that it took him a long time to lose the weight and he did it by basically changing his poor eating habits & walking around his neighborhood nightly.

Now the odd thing about this man is that he still wears his "fat clothes". The pants are so big that he actually has to pull the excess fabric to his back, make a fold, and then cinch the pants with a belt. The belt is the same one(s) he used to wear when he was much larger....it's obvious when you see how far back it wraps around his torso.

Today he answered the question that I've been wanting to ask for months now: why is he still wearing those clothes? why doesn't he buy a new wardrobe that actually fits (he can afford it)? He told me that he continues to wear the old clothes as a daily reminder of his past gluttony...[huh?]

I was thinking: "screw that...wouldn't giving yourself a daily flogging also work? I mean they're both ridiculous & extreme punishments"....but instead I just said "hmm...well anyway, congrats on the weight loss, you should really be proud of yourself". He just smiled, turned & walked away...I think it's high time I transfer the hell out of my department....I just can't handle these freaks!

Monday, October 1, 2007

(Not So) Private Dancer

I've been in a really good mood lately...almost giddy with happiness. I'm not going to question why, so don't even think about asking me "why" either....or is that neither (?)....I digress.

I had some classic Kylie M (aka Madonna's replacement....that's right Joe....I said it!....) playing late last night and was busting some moves around my living room. I can still drop it like it's hot, even though my ass is in its extremely late 30's....now, the dropping part is easy for me to do...it's the returning to the starting position which is becoming a little tricky ...I discovered this sad truth last night.

When I finally stopped humping the floor lamp (in a squatted position) and stood up, I felt a sharp pain in my knee, which hurt bad enough for me to growl "Faaaaccckkk" (in an Uber-Butched up voice that would've made Paul Bunyan proud) and stumble to the nearest chair...

...and that's when I saw them. My neighbors who live above the garage, were making their way up the stairs, but must've caught me in the act & were standing there, looking into my home through the kitchen window, with mouths agape...like they just witnessed a zebra giving birth....you know the look right? You know that it's wrong to watch, but you're eerily fascinated and can't look away....a mixed look of disgust & awe was all over their faces.

Dammit...I thought I had closed all of the blinds and was safe from the outside looking in! It's going to be awkward looking them in the eyes the next time I see them....[humiliated sigh]... So now you know what I do on my Sunday nights....good times y'all!

Speaking of good times, next week I'll be in NYC (Wednesday thru Sunday) and would love to seeing some of my fave bloggers such as: Eric, Rey, Lance, Billy, Eddie, Terrence, & Joe....and any others that want to meet up...Thursday thru Saturday nights are pretty much open at this point. I've already hit on, oops, I mean mentioned my travel plans to Billy & Eric awhile back, so they may have something in mind already (Happy Hour?)…can't wait...I'm just counting the days!!