Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Fo Shizzle !

I called in sick to work yesterday....2nd Monday in a row...I'm sure the boss is a little suspicious, but I don't care...I really was sick.

I had to tell my boss a (white) lie when he asked me what was wrong. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. A "killer sinus headache" sounds so much more dignified than the truth: I've got the shizzles and I'm afraid that I'd crap my pants, while driving in to work.

Here's another confession: I loves me some Pepto Bismol...mmm...tasty....but I must've become immune to the stuff, because it just didn't shut the flood gates down. So much of my morning was spent on the pot, whispering desperate prayers to the Little Baby Jebus for help.

I finally felt like a fully functioning human around 1:00 pm, so I showered, ate a sammy, and then went to a local photo shop to have my pic taken for my passport. I was surprisingly happy with the way the pic turned out (I only saw one chin), and within 5 minutes I was on my way to my next stop, the Downtown Long Beach post office, to drop off my passport paperwork....what a nightmare!

The passport window was severely understaffed. They have 4 windows, but only one clerk was working yesterday. At 2:00 pm, an announcement was made that at 3:00 pm, numbers would be handed out to 8 people and anyone beyond the 8th person would have to return another day.

I started to stress out & get anxious that I spent all this time in line for nothing...I was getting visions of the 3 o'clock hour, where I'd be the 9th fool in line...I saw me losing my cool and falling to the floor in a spasmodic seizure, speaking in tongues, and then being forcibly thrown out onto the pavement, still convulsing...but all that praying in the morning actually did me some good....I was Lucky #8.

The clerk was happy, grateful even, with the thoroughness of my application, and she was finished with me in about 10 minutes...there was one little problem. The pictures that I just had taken would most likely be rejected by the passport processing agency. My glasses were casting shadows under my eyes and that is a big no-no. I didn't see it, but the clerk did & she offered to retake my pic (no charge). I had to pose in a seriously unflattering position to prevent any glare/shadows. So basically my new pic is creepy looking....I have my chin(s) smashed into my chest, while I'm looking up at the camera...uggh!

I really don't care now....only a handful of people will ever see that pic...London & Paris, here I come (May 2008)!


Silly Billy said...

Oh, those poor Londoners.

(I don't really care about the Parisians. )

Jim said...

Ah Paris! Billy is truly silly. Both are excellent cities, but the food, the food, the food in Paris...

If you want recommendations for Paris, I actually did a few blog entires for a friend who was going last year.


Christopher said...

Billy: Pfffrrrt!!...that fart was just for you!

Jim: Thanks for the info...Three Little Pigs restaurant looks like fun!

Scot said...

You just needed a good laugh- then the day would have been for shits and giggles, no?

Shirley Heezgay! said...

here's one that we just loved!


btw...pepto? I think it tastes like the way fabric bandaids smell

Anonymous said...

Too bad the picture couldn't have been the look on your face sitting on the toilet. That would have been priceless.
I can relate to the love of Pepto Bismal. I love Gaviscon. It tastes like cake batter.

Anonymous said...

glad you didnt poop in the post office.

"Just David!" said...

I think I would have told the boss the truth. Nobody ever questions the sincerity of diarrhea. It's the men's version of "female trouble". Ha! When are you going to Paris and London, I'm heading over at the end of May for what I'm hoping I can stretch into at least a month. It would be fun to meet for drinks someplace festive in either city. Let me know!!

Lewis said...

Listen, big boy, ACIDOPHILUS is the only thing to cut the trots. Like magic...in 15 minutes. I always have a bottle of it around. Ge3t it today!

cb said...

The shits, huh? Sounds like you got some bad cock...

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

You will LOVE London and Paris - both are GREAT cities, with Paris being my favorite place on the planet. BUT, are you SURE you are giving yourself enough time to get your passport? Are you paying for expedited service? When I got mine it took almost two whole months (though that was 8 years ago), and a friend of mine, who paid for expedited service in January, is still waiting! I can tell you tons about Paris - I've been there seven times, and probably spent a total of a few months there (in 1-2 week increments). I've been all over France . . . ahhhhh. Oui!

Christopher said...

Scot - you so clever!

Shirl - Oohhh..that looks like fun!

T - Mmmm...cake batter!

Eliot - or maybe I did?

David - I'm heading over May 2nd thru the 11th...can you please adjust your schedule to better fit mine (please!!)? I would LOVE to have a drink(s) with you!

Lewis - Ooohh...that sounds so Greek & exotic...thanks for the tip!

cb - Hush yo mouth!...aint no such thing as bad cock...oh, wait...you mean chicken...I think?

JDZS - yes, I paid for the expedited service...I was assured that it'd be at my house within 3 weeks. I have a coworker who recently got his in about 2.5 weeks.

Mark in DE said...

If the Pepto doesn't work anymore, try Imodium. Spouse sometimes has a tender tummy and Imodium really takes care of it.

I loved the vision you gave if you'd been #9 at the passport window!

Mark :-)

franck said...

Surely you meant to say London, Paris and Madrid? Don't think I can afford to travel to either Paris or London in May :-(