Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Know Thy Neighbor

I stayed home again yesterday...I still sick. During the ungodly hour of early morning (9:00 am-ish), I was awoken by the sound of a large dog barking. So I crawled out of bed to peep out my front window. There was a large dog on my front lawn, barking at a fallen palm frond. His master was talking on his cell phone, oblivious to his dog's loud barking...so rude! As I started to turn away from my bedroom window, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, the dog assuming the position that said : "I'm about to shit right here on your nice green lawn."

I went back to peeping my neighbor & his dog, to make sure that he shitt leaves when they do. The dog finished his business, the owner reaches into his back pocket, I feel relief wash over me, the guy scratches his ass cheek, turns and walks away. Oh, Hell to the Naw! I ran into the kitchen to grab some plastic bags for the guy to use, throw on a pair of shorts & a t-shirt, run out the front door, only to find that they are gone. I walked up to the street corner, but discover that they are completely out of sight.

So I leave the poo on the front lawn. It's on the narrow strip that's close to the street anyway. Besides, the gardeners will be here in a couple days...they can deal with it. A few hours later, I went out to get something for lunch, and that's when I noticed that the poo is gone. Either the dog owner went home, fetched a bag, and walked back to pick up the shit (highly unlikely) or one of my neighbors felt bad and trashed the crap for me. I have such nice neighbors....

There are exceptions...

If you live in the Belmont Heights/Bluff Heights areas of Long Beach, be aware of this freak show that walks the streets. There's this tall, skinny, redneck (forgive that racist remark, there was no other way to put it) that walks around carrying a bucket. I've seen him many times washing store front windows....or harassing strangers.

As I walked past him once, he turned around and practically yelled at me: "Sup dude?!!"....the next time I saw this guy, he was walking across the street from me and then I heard him yell: "What the f*ck you looking at faggot!"....I turned, assuming the Crane style Kung-Fu fighting stance, but saw that he wasn't yelling at me, but was yelling at a guy that was a few feet in front of him. His victim quickly crossed the street, but Le Freak continued to scream at him. He went berserk and was screaming all kinds of craziness. He was beating his chest and threatening the guy's life saying that "he'd kill all faggots in Long Beach".

The next time I saw him (about 2 weeks ago), I heard him yelling at a couple of guys across the street from him. He was calling them the "N" word and telling them to get out of "his town". The guys that he was yelling at were a couple of muscled out Samoan guys that were calling him out on his threats. I thought that he was finally going to be taught a lesson by these guys, but the freak kept on walking AWAY from them, continuing to yell out all kinds of obscenities.

I'm hoping that his punk-ass is currently sitting a jail cell with a very well-endowed, horny man that's teaching him just who the faggot is now.

14 comments:

Lewis said...

Oh dear god, i must live in la-la land up here. Not much of the shouting and antics here. At least on my corner. You gotta love society!

Lewis said...

Oh, and I forgot....I thought it was "Love they Neighbor."

Paul said...

Sounds like the poop disapearing was the works of the phantom pooper.

Big Daddy said...

I love Samoans.

The people, not the cookie.

They've always been real chill and laid back.

At least the ones I knew.

Christopher said...

I love Samoans too...the people AND the cookies!

Darth Gateau said...

tell me what kind of things ya wanna do and see so I can compile a tailor-made London itinerary for a gay gentleman visiting...

Kris said...

Oh woww, crazy peeps in the neighborhood. We don't have that here...

That's cool he came back to pick the poop up. One time I got lazy and didn't come back for it. It's the dog's doing anyway :P lol

Hope you feel better soon *hugs*

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

You turned me on by using the word "peep"!

Hey - being a dog owner I have been in that situation - you have no alternative but to let it go and come back and get it later (which i always do).

Mark in DE said...

I have actually gone back to the 'scene of the crime' with a plastic bag and picked up my dog's shit. I'd feel badly if I didn't. I carry a bag whenever I walk her, but every once in a while she'll shit a 2nd time, and I'm mortified to leave it until I can get home and get another bag.

The crazy guy shouting at people is likely mentally ill. Sad.

Mark :-)

Greg said...

Perhaps Bucket Man knows Mr. Itchy Crotch of The Brit?

T Unit said...

I have a weird fear of my "neighbor." She is out at all hours begging for change. I have this irrational fear that one day I am going to walk by and she will spit on me.

"Just David!" said...

Maybe he did come back and pick it up, i've been known to do that when i forget my baggy to pick up the dog's mess...

cb said...

jail cell
well endowed
horny

mmmmmmmmm.....

cb said...

I love Samoans.

The cookie, not the people.

At least the ones I ate anyway.