Thursday, April 10, 2008

Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?

4. Meow occasionally.

5. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

6. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

7. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

8. Say "Ding" at each floor.

9. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

10. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

15. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

18. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

19. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

20. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

23. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

24. Do Tai Chi exercises

25. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.


Anonymous said...

God you must be bored!
How many of these have you actually tried?
Your a goofball!

franck said...

Someone stole my question. I also want to know how many of those you have done

Big Daddy said...

I have actually done 17!

Also, I like to ask someone 'does this look infected to you?' or 'are you sure that's mayo, it doesn't taste like mayo, and I love mayo' if I am riding with someone I know and the elevator's full.

Christopher said...

I've done #8 & 16

Big Daddy said...

Oops, I meant 16.

Michael Guy said...

I've done #20 but only to determine what type of cologne the guy was wearing.

I don't think his girlfriend was amused.

The Realtor of Long Beach said...

Hilarious...I definitely am going to do #18 at the criminal courts building

Rey a.k.a. "Mr. Secret" said...

This one is my favorite:

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

H. Alan Scott said...

i love the "meow," i'm going to do that!

RAD Homo said...

Hilarity! Love it!

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

How funny are you? Ha! Lovin' it!

TCho said...


Mark in DE said...

These are great, and remind me of when I was 12. My cousin and I were on vacation with our families and decided to speak in a made-up "foreign language" to make people think we were from outside the US.

Mark :-)

Scot said...

And here I thought "Fart inceasantly" would top the list

Jules said...

Priceless list!! I think you're lying... you've done more than only 2.

Makes me want to spend my days searching for an elevator that services enough floors to actually do this list!

cb said...

I make farting noises with my hands. I can do a fairly convincing 'fart' that way.

It makes me giggle.

I've also started singing "Hit me with your best shot"... and been all into it.

Samuel Lippke said...

Haha, this is an amazing list. I read it to my whole studio and got a good response. Good work man.

Mike Ellis, The Jolly Reprobate said...

Dude, you make me look so dull! I just stand with my back to the door, facing everyone else during the ride.

Anonymous said...

I saw this on another site and had to find out where it was youre hilarious

I did some of them at a hospital today I thought it would make them laugh ..... my sis just told to stop but I didnt