Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Suck it in Fatty !

Last week, I picked up 2 new pair of pants for work. Both pair of pants were marked way down...from $65 down to $20 (for Claiborne pants)...[woot!]...This morning I had a hard time squeezing my fat ass into my pants...that I just bought less than a week ago....that fit me perfectly at the time. I know I ate a little less than healthy over the weekend, but I didn't gorge myself! ....WTF??!!

I had a moment of clarity around 10:30 this morning, and the mystery of the ill-fitting pants was solved. There I was, sitting on my porcelain throne, about to make my morning offering(s) to the terlet gods, when I realized why the pants were a little tight.

Whenever I try on clothes and then decide to make the purchase, I leave behind the pair I just tried on and grab a fresh/never-worn-before pair from the rack. Even though my butt was the last one to wear the pants, I have to have a new-new pair. I'm quirky like that....lick me!

So with my legs spread wide and my pants draped around my ankles, I reached down for my throbbing... could clearly see the tag on the pants. Looks like I mistakenly grabbed the wrong size (one size smaller) pants off of the rack...damn my quirks!

Maybe it was a good thing that I grabbed the wrong size...what's the word I'm grasping for?...serendipity! A few weeks ago, my fat ass fell off of the diet/gym wagon and landed face first into a 7-layer chocolate cake....with a side of french fries, but I digress. Seems to me that this is a wakeup call that I need to get back in shape.

So now I say Good-bye to carbs & Hello Stranger to the gym....summer's just around the corner...time to work it !

Someone once told me that Baby Jebus doesn't love fat people...I really hope that's a lie.

...

16 comments:

Projekt R3volution said...

Thought maybe for a moment you accidently washed them in hot water and shrunk them. Your such a goof but I do the same kind of stuff, I can't take the shirt in front. Have to take one further back on the rack.
People and their greasy hands!

Greg said...

I here you. I've been slowly dragging my saggy ass to the gym maybe once/twice a week. Maybe. I need to get back into a routine and stop with the McDonald's.

good luck to you!

Lewis said...

So, what..you're bitching about a size 30 instead of a 31?? Please. Spread your legs and keep on grabbing. It makes one smile. Terlot gods? Reminds me of Archie Bunker.

joe*to*hell said...

cant you just take a mean crap and then they will fit?

works for me. try an enema

J. David Zacko-Smith said...

How do you know that the "new-new" pants you grab weren't already tried on by, like, 4 other people? I think your "new-new" wish is usually 75% illusion. At least you discovered what the issue was with the fit - now, get to the GYM young man.

Mark in DE said...

I thought you were going to say that you realized why the pants were tight: you hadn't taken a dump before putting them on! LOL

Fun story. Good luck getting into better shape.

Mark :-)

Jim said...

Aw, baby Jesus loves fat people. It's the gays who can be vicious and cruel. Gay Pride in LA is just a week and half away. Since I'll never fit into my swimsuit, I'm gonna give up my spot on the float to you...

Christian said...

OMG I do the same thing, but I make sure I get the right size. Watch and learn!

T Unit said...

I have been so gym sketchy since I have had to be running so much this week. Oh well.
And, I am sorry you were sad to find out I love Leona Lewis and not you. She gives better head :O

franck said...

Here I was thinking: the dumps he takes can't be that big, that they make him shrink a whole size. Glad that's not the case, and it was just a quirky mistake.

Doghigh said...

Wow. LOTS of information in this entry...couple of bits I need to repress immediately.

Gary said...

I have been feeling the pull to get back to exercise myself. I have gotten so lazy and am fatter than I have ever been. I think losing 10 pounds should not be that hard if I exercise a bit and watch what I eat...but then I have to exercise and watch what I eat. Easier said than done.

Southern Boy said...

You are on quirky girl.

"Just David!" said...

I was waiting for a big poop story!! ha!

Big Daddy said...

Too bad you didn't catch the stomach condition I had earlier this week.

I lost 7 pounds.

Plus puking is a great work out for your abs.

cb said...

Maybe we learned a lesson, no?

Plus, you are evil for trying on pants, and then you take a fresh pair, leaving the poor sales people to refold or hang and restock your ass pants.

Ew.