The first one took place as I was paying for breakfast in the cafeteria:
Female employee: "If you give me 6 inches, I'll be one happy lady."
Male employee: "I'll give you at least that much."
This was all said without any trace of sarcasm/irony/humor.... they didn't even notice me standing behind them grinning like a fool.
The second conversation took place near my cubicle and involved 2 female employees, both of which are fairly new mothers (names changed to protect my employment status).
Bad Mommy #1: "Ethan dropped his binky (pacifier) in the toilet bowel this morning, so I rinsed it off with hot water & gave it back to him....you should've seen how Brad (the husband) flipped out."
Bad Mommy #2: "I read somewhere that the water in the toilet bowel is some of the cleanest water around."
Bad Mommy #1: "I know, but Brad's kind of a clean freak."
Oh, that poor child!