Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Random Long Beach Moment #256


[This happened last week, but I've been a bad blogger and took a mini blog vacation, apparently]...

After a very stressful day at work (basically reading blogs all day....shhh!), I decided that I wasn't going to cook dinner...it was take out night, but what to have, what to have? I wanted something different, something healthy, and something inexpensive.

I decided on picking up some fried chicken from Albertson's deli department (for real: so damn tasty...it was truly finger lickin' good!) and I thought that it would be a good time to try some of that Tuscani Pasta from Pizza Hut...2 of my coworkers told me that it "was the bomb" and that you get 3 lbs for about $12...Three pounds my ass! It was barely enough pasta for 3 people...I could've saved $10 making it myself and still had leftovers. I guess that's what I get for eating so "healthy".

Anyhoo....I was treated to some entertainment along the way. When I placed the order for the pasta, I was told that it'd be ready in 15 minutes, so I left my car in their lot and walked over to the market for my beloved fried chicken. In front of the market was a bum, who looked a lot like Hagrid, talking to a cop. The cop was telling Hagrid to pick up his box of junk and remove himself from the front of the store.



Not much to see there, so I went into the store and purchased the breasts of a fried up bird. When I walked out of the store, the cop & bum were gone....or so I thought. As I turned the corner, making my way back to the pizza joint, I saw "Hagrid" arguing with a much older & thinner bum....let's call him "Slim" .

Slim had a Jack-O-Lantern's smile and was squatting on his haunches, while Hagrid was yelling at him to keep his mouth shut. Slim suddenly got the urge to take a dump, so he pulled his sweat pants down while squatting.

This was starting to get good...I stood on the corner watching the live entertainment. I was hoping that Slim was going to crap and then throw it at Hagrid...you know, like they do in prison.

But Slim was feeling a little constipated so no poo [Damn!]... Hagrid started to yell at Slim to pull up his pants and told him that "no one wants to see his pasty white ass". Slim came back with "Oh, you're such a big man aren't you?...whatchu gonna do big man?"

The Big Man stood directly in front of Slim and started to grab at his waistband and said: "I'll show you how big of a man I am".... I said a silent prayer to the little baby Jebus: "please let him be hung make him keep his junk to himself"...and that prayer was answered.

Instead of showing Slim how big he was, Hagrid reached for a shopping cart (that belonged to Slim), picked it up like it was made of straw and tossed it down the sidewalk....all of Slim's worldly possessions went flying & ended up scattered down the sidewalk.

Ooooh Child, this pissed Slim off big time....he stood up, ass still hanging out (I swear !) and verbally assaulted Hagrid with everything he had.

At this point, the Pizza Hut cashier motioned to me that my overpriced/overcooked pasta was ready. When I drove off, I noticed that Hagrid was standing against the side of the store talking to himself...but where was Slim and how'd he get all of his junk picked up so quickly?

I did notice that there was a large trash bin nearby and Hagrid was one strong S-O-B...just saying!
...

8 comments:

Romach said...

When I go out shopping its so boring, nothing like that ever happens. I think I should go out shopping with you more often ;-)

dit said...

That is very funny. People really can put on a show, I used to work downtown LA. Everyday was a new show. Ha! I love the way you describe everything.

cb said...

Damn, it sounded JUST like a porn that I have... until it got to the tossing of the shopping cart.

Chris said...

So, how was the pasta?

Michael Guy said...

You're lucky you weren't in the line of shopping cart shrapnel.

I, too, was recently afforded the full squat view of a man wiping his ass on the steps of the THAI Consulate here! And he gave me that "what are you looking at?!" mean girl stare. So I just kept my eyes to myself...

Mark in DE said...

Wow, how fortunate you are to get entertainment with your take-out!

Mark :-)

"Just David!" said...

you can't beat a good argument between bums... better than reality TV!!

Chris said...

Poor man's dinner theatre.