Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tuesday's Child Came A-Knockin'

Good thing I woke up a little earlier than normal this morning, because I had a salesman at my door around 8:00 am. Well, he wasn't really a salesman, he was more of a con artist...and not so much of a man, but more of a boy.

I recognized the song & dance from the young man at my door step this morning, because it was identical to the one that duped me years ago. I was scammed into signing up for a magazine subscription, which never materialized. I even paid up in full. I was young, dumb, and full of....(rum?)

Here, before me, stood a young man with manners that would make his mama proud, wearing oil/grease stained khakis, a khaki colored button down shirt, and a necktie that had a Christian scripture embroidered on it...I'm a heathen so I couldn't tell you from what testament or book it was from.

Our conversation went something like this:

Marcel (the Christian con-artist): Good Morning Sir...hope you're doing well, on this fine morning.

Fabulous Me (squeeeeezed into a size 32 pair of slacks [I know, I couldn't believe it either] whose button was leaving a permanent mark on my belly, yet at the same time, lifting & shaping my under-developed butt cheeks into a somewhat perky booty): I'm running late for work...what can I do for you?

Marcel: Blah, blah, blah, lies, lies, lies....I took a 2-hour bus ride just to get here...I'm trying to straighten out my life and become a better man...I only need to sell 20 more subscriptions and I can pay for my college tuition.

Moi: A 2-hour bus ride? Where were you coming from?

Marcel: oh, uh..L.A....Downtown L.A., Sir.

Me: L.A. is only 20 miles away....that must have been one long bus ride...What college are you attending?

Marcel: Yes Sir, it was a long ride. Well, I'm not in college right now, but like I said, only 20 more subscriptions and I'll be set.

I could have continued to interrogate this young man, just to see how tangled up he'd get, telling his lies, but my patience were wearing thin and I had a job to get to. He continued to press the hard sell, but I cut him short and told him that I wasn't interested and wished him luck. His face dropped and he then asked for a donation. Yeah, like I didn't see that one coming.

He left my doorstep, none the richer.

9 comments:

A Lewis said...

Oh, come on...just slip him a $100 bill. That's what he wanted.

Meeko Fabulous said...

I feel so bad when those kids come to my door, but I always turn them away. Mormons I let them hang for a while . . . LoL!

Michael Rivers said...

Best way to handle it!

the replicant said...

I find a bloodcurdling scream and a slammed door also works.

RAD said...

Good job on gettng rid of him and givng him a bad time and really good job getting into a size 32!!!!

Christopher said...

Arnie: if you've got it like that, then I better s\knock on YOUR door!

Meeko: Some of them Mormon boys are hot.

Erik: that's hilarious...I'd start to laugh half way through the scream!

Errol: it wasn't easy getting into them. When I came home from work I was shocked to see just how wrinkled the crotch of my pants were...better not try those pants until I drop a few pounds.

Mark in DE said...

Even more entertaining than the story of Marcel was your story of squeeeeeeezing into the size 32 pants! Loved it!! :-)

Michael Guy said...

Yes, yes...but how was the hot sex?

I kid.

And that button on the belly thang is too close to home here. HAR!

cb said...

You Grinch! You didn't even offer him a quick "protein snack"!!