Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Peace is Just a Word

I just found out that my father has cancer. Looks like they found it in his kidney. Not sure yet if it's operable, benign, malignant, or how far it's spread. We're still waiting to hear more details from the doctor. My Dad has no idea he has cancer. My mom's on her way to the hospital to tell him.

Damn. I'm stunned...emotionless. I know I should be crying, but the tears aren't coming. I know they will and it'll probably catch me off guard when they do.

This isn't supposed to happen to my family. This is something you hear about happening to other people. This is surreal.

Between the breakup last Monday (Paul & I ended our 2.5 year relationship last week) and now this fresh hell, I don't know how I'm going to cope. My strength is really being tested.

The blog may get a little neglected for the next few days. Not sure what lies ahead for my family.

I really could use a hug right about now.

14 comments:

R. said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear that Chris. Take great care of yourself my friend. I hope the cancer is benign and operable. Blessings to you and all your loved ones. *big hugs*

Kevin said...

H H U U GGGG
H H U U G
HHHH U U G GGG
H H U U G G
H H UUUU GGGG


Now listen:

My dad had the same exact thing--mass in the kidney. Just try not to worry until you know if it is B or M. Just support your dad because he's probably scared, even if he would never admit it.

It is hell, you're right. We are human, therefore we worry. Especially when it's a parent.

I hate that being 'of a certain age' means that so are my parents, and now there's more to think about.

Ask. Believe. Receive.

Kevin said...

aw crap.

that hug didn't work out the way i wanted but the outcome is still pretty cool. looks like you get about 12 virtual hugs.

Meeko Fabulous said...

Sending virtual hugs your way. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. *hugs*

A Lewis said...

Yes, you're right. Peace is just a word. I hope you allow it to hold some sort of place in your life -- especially in these very difficult times. I am very sorry to hear your news. If I were there, you can damned well count on a hug from me. Virtual or in person....I hug you!

Donnie said...

When it rains it pours, huh? Sorry to hear about your dad - just try to stay positive. I will definitely send good thoughts his way, my friend. Stay strong.

Michael Rivers said...

Big hugs to you!

Topher said...

Shit man, sorry to hear this *Hugs all the way from here*

the replicant said...

Virtual hugs. Hope it all works out.

Bruce said...

Christopher, I'm so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you and your family. If you need anything, even just to talk, please call me.

Greg said...

The blog is not as important as your family. Take care of whatever you need to.

(((HUGS)))

T-Bird said...

Chris,
I am sad to visit your blog for the first time and to land upon such devastating news. I have found (I wish I hadn’t) that such events do cluster up (breakups, unhappy family events, and so forth). At least, they did for me.

The death of a parent – it does eventually happen to all children in this world - is one of those events that will test you to your bedrock, whenever that time does arrive, be it this year or be it 25 years from now.

The experience is like being caught up in a raging flood of emotions, changes, events. You try to grab onto something, ANYTHING to hold on tight, but even that which you hold onto is swept into the raging torrent, carrying you along with it. One becomes a helpless captive of the events.

As the time of life approaches, be strong, and know that the best you can do today is based on what you know today. Use your instincts and listen to those little subconscious voices and promptings, because they will guide you in dealing with this unwelcome news. Our subconscious loves up and wishes to help, protect, and to guide us. Help your mother deal with this. This is absolutely terrible for her, and whether she shows it or not, she will be scared.

And of course, be there for your dad: Every step of the way of this journey, whether it leads through simple corrective surgery to deal with a scary benign growth, or leads to a far less welcoming place. Always be strong for him, no matter what happens. And do not be afraid to cry your heart and soul out behind the scenes should your emotions take you there. That is okay and is normal.

I speak of these things from experience. Four family members in an unhappy 13 month period in 2005-2006 passed away, the last being the one that devastated me as much as the others put together. So everything I speak of is based on heartfelt and personal experience. And I have come out of it smiling once again, happy to be alive, breathing in the fresh air, and to witnessing spring unfold in both my garden, and inside of me.

You take extra special care of Chris! Cheers, Me.

PS: there is a picture that you described as “mysterious” here on one of my blog posts. And since you asked for one, here is an electronic big ass bear hug from me to you.

http://saturdaynightsoulsoup.blogspot.com/2010/02/bodhisattva-of-great-compassion.html

Jules said...

Oh Baby, I've lost two parents to cancer and several aunts.. my Dad, however BEAT his!!! Because it's in the kidney, and you only need one kidney to survive.. or do you even need that? Kidney Dialysis takes the place of that, doesn't it? Best best of luck with his fight... just make sure all options are explored!!!

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Michael Guy said...

My thoughts are on the way, Chris.

x o