Friday, October 1, 2010

Shut Yo Mouth !

Sitting in my cubicle at work (overworked & underpaid, but damn grateful to have a J-O-B, just the same), I think about finally posting something to this here blog....and I have nothing to write about. Absolutely nothing.

"Hmmm, what about....nope".

Just when I think I have absolutely nothing to blog about, I get distracted by the sounds of my 2 coworkers eating lunch at their desks. The sounds of those 2 slurping and suckling their food is enough to make me lose my appetite. I don't mind the sound of Doritos (mmmmm!) being crunched and munched loudly (I'm guessing with mouth open), but it's the nasty sound of one of 'em making love to a peach that is really turning my stomach.

Someone near me is also having soup for lunch. Sounds like he's trying to suck up chicken noodle soup through a straw....and then gags on the noodles every few slurps. Nasty.




A few months back, I went on a date with someone that had no idea how to chew his food with his mouth closed. He was a mouth breather, so maybe that explains the need to chew open mouthed. He was a nice enough guy; still, I couldn't get past the random food bits popping out of his mouth as he ate dinner. Surprisingly, there wasn't a second date.

Time for me to get my lunch on.... let me show these fools how it's done.

6 comments:

Jules said...

Oh Myyyyyy Gawd. Nooo. This is so disturbing it's just ruined my craving for a cookie and coffee. Gag. Gaaaaaag.

Seriously? Making love to a peach? Random flying food bits?

barf.

the replicant said...

Noisy eaters drive me insane. Yes, I am the guy that sends out an all-staff email that says, "Whoever is eating chips, PLEASE STOP."

cb said...

Chewing is overrated.

Gary said...

Hey, you found something to write about after all. Hope you had a good lunch.

RAD said...

Checking in on you! YUCK green teeth!

Chris said...

I have someone at work who will go to the water cooler, fill up a cup, drink it really fast, make a whole bunch of smacking and sighing sounds, and then fill another cup. I want to ask him, "Are you training for a fucking marathon? Calm the fuck down?"