Friday, October 1, 2010

Shut Yo Mouth !

Sitting in my cubicle at work (overworked & underpaid, but damn grateful to have a J-O-B, just the same), I think about finally posting something to this here blog....and I have nothing to write about. Absolutely nothing.

"Hmmm, what about....nope".

Just when I think I have absolutely nothing to blog about, I get distracted by the sounds of my 2 coworkers eating lunch at their desks. The sounds of those 2 slurping and suckling their food is enough to make me lose my appetite. I don't mind the sound of Doritos (mmmmm!) being crunched and munched loudly (I'm guessing with mouth open), but it's the nasty sound of one of 'em making love to a peach that is really turning my stomach.

Someone near me is also having soup for lunch. Sounds like he's trying to suck up chicken noodle soup through a straw....and then gags on the noodles every few slurps. Nasty.

A few months back, I went on a date with someone that had no idea how to chew his food with his mouth closed. He was a mouth breather, so maybe that explains the need to chew open mouthed. He was a nice enough guy; still, I couldn't get past the random food bits popping out of his mouth as he ate dinner. Surprisingly, there wasn't a second date.

Time for me to get my lunch on.... let me show these fools how it's done.


Jules said...

Oh Myyyyyy Gawd. Nooo. This is so disturbing it's just ruined my craving for a cookie and coffee. Gag. Gaaaaaag.

Seriously? Making love to a peach? Random flying food bits?


the replicant said...

Noisy eaters drive me insane. Yes, I am the guy that sends out an all-staff email that says, "Whoever is eating chips, PLEASE STOP."

cb said...

Chewing is overrated.

Gary said...

Hey, you found something to write about after all. Hope you had a good lunch.

RAD said...

Checking in on you! YUCK green teeth!

Chris said...

I have someone at work who will go to the water cooler, fill up a cup, drink it really fast, make a whole bunch of smacking and sighing sounds, and then fill another cup. I want to ask him, "Are you training for a fucking marathon? Calm the fuck down?"