Thursday, March 29, 2007

Galaxy Towers Fire

I must've been drunk & passed out in front of the TV saying my prayers when this went down last night, because I just found out about this. What an awful way to die.....FYI, This building (the ONLY high rise in the area) is such an eyesore that sticks out among all of the other gorgeous ocean view properties....(think: late 60's style, matte finish, turquoise paneled, tall cracker box.....hopefully this is a wake up call to the property management to install sprinklers on every floor, and how about an exterior face lift (lose those damn blue panels already!)......I'm related (via about 3 degrees of separation) to the architects of this building.

Here's the story from our local newspaper:

One man died as a three-alarm fire broke out in a 20-story residential high-rise on Ocean Boulevard Wednesday night. The blaze was first reported shortly after 9:30 p.m. on the 18th floor of the Galaxy Towers, 2999 E. Ocean Blvd.

A man, a tenant on the 18th floor, jumped to his death, according to Long Beach Fire Department Capt. Mike DuRee.
Bellflower resident Saida Caal was walking along the beach when the fire started. "There was a person on the balcony screaming for help," she said. "The guy was screaming for help for like 10 or 15 minutes. The fire came at him and he was catching on fire, and he just jumped off the balcony." "He was screaming 'Help me, I don't want to die' ".

The fire, believed to be confined to the unit in the east wing of the 18th floor where it broke out, was contained by about 10:25 p.m., DuRee said. The victim was alone at the time of the fire and it was unclear if anyone else lived in the unit.
The cause of the fire has not yet been determined, DuRee said. There were no sprinklers in the building, just dry standpipes, which are big chutes through which firefighters can pump water. The building is made of steel and concrete. Firefighters ordered residents to shut their doors and windows to prevent the spread of smoke and flames.
Bluff Park's Galaxy Towers, a 1966 high-rise, was designed by renowned local architects Hugh and Donald Gibbs. The firm also designed Long Beach City Hall and Main Library, the Terrace Theater, Long Beach Memorial Medical Center and Millikan High School. The building - unusual because it was constructed without common walls between units - caused an uproar in residential Bluff Park at the time because of its height. The city had rezoned the bluff area to encourage high-rise developments, but after it was built neighbors complained that it blocked their views, leading the city to reverse its zoning decision.

8 Inches

Much of my daily life is (sadly) spent on L.A. freeways, as I desperately try to cruise my fellow commuters sitting in traffic make my way to and from work....I've noticed a recent trend with people tricking out their cars/trucks. That fake baseball/rock stuck in your "fractured" window is sooooo OVAH.

This year it's all about blinging your vehicle out with a set of large "balls" that dangle from your vehicle's trailer hitch. Bumper Nuts weigh one pound, hang 8 inches, and they come in the following colors: blue, black, camo, red, yellow, Flesh, white, brass, aluminum, chrome, and there's even a Patriotic (red-white-blue) version, that I've secretly got my eye on.

This week, I've seen two trucks and a sedan sporting the swinging ball sacks (2 silver & one black), but I didn't have my camera with me at either of the times. I was able to find a pic from the Interwebs......See pic below:

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Beautiful Ones

Last night, I watched last week's episode of America's Next Top Model (not a regular viewer, but I enjoy the show when I do catch it), and got to see Benny Ninja (who's now the "Father" of the House of Ninja, founded by Willi Ninja, who passed away last year) try to teach the girls how to strike a pose....In a word, the girls were: hopeless....Benny was great though...he makes it look all too easy.

I'm always surprised/disappointed that the chicks on this show don't know how to walk or pose....I mean, if you really want to be a model then shouldn't you have walking & posing down to an artform??!!...[sidebar]: I've seen the Australian version of ANTM & that one is a snooze fest!....I guess it needs some Nelly queens like Miss & Mr. Jay to make it look a little more interesting.

So I've been thinking about developing another version of ANTM....It'd be called: ANTGMM......That's short for America's Next Top Gay Male Model. Is that title somewhat redundant?....I'm still working out some of the details, but so far I've been able to come up with a few ideas for the weekly challenges. Here's what I've got:

  • Who's a Label Whore? - - this is where you're shown current collections of top designers and you have 30 seconds to correctly identify the designer to the collection.

  • Vogue Down - - no explanation needed here

  • Make it Work! - - Give the model $20 and send him into a thrift store. The challenge is to put together an outfit that is runway ready (been there done that myself, back in the day).

That's all I've got so far.....any other challenge ideas welcomed & appreciated!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Dirk Mancuso Made Me Laugh

I happened upon a new blog, and I just about pissed myself silly after reading the following post from Dirk Mancuso. Well done Dirk!

Tee'd Off

So there I was in the produce section, searching for fruits and vegetables that met my stringent standards, when she spoke.

“Do you think that shirt is funny?”

It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.

“Say again?” I replied, eyebrows raised.

“Your shirt — you should be arrested for wearing that in public.”

People’s Exhibits A and B of said “offensive” t-shirt:

I turned and looked her up and down. 5′8, 270 (perhaps a bit conservative), dried out platinum blond hair teased into a cotton candy froth in an attempt to conceal her rapidly accelerating alopecia, nails chewed to the quick, tits that looked pancake batter slowly dripping into a hot skillet, and a vociferous rhinoceros ass packed into capri stretch pants which also accentuated her hideous camel toe.

I know she di’INT.

“You think it’s funny to degrade our president like that? People like you are why there was 9/11.”

“Last time I checked it was still somewhat a free country, ma’am…which is why I didn’t call you out on that fugly garb you are wearing,” I replied, trying desperately to keep my eyes from roaming back to the sagging labial folds outlined in black synthetic stretch fabric.

She glared at me, her pea sized brain feverishly trying to formulate a comeback, but in the end, the best she could summon up was “faggot,” as she turned and began shambling off.

“Stupid bitch,” I muttered.

“What did you say?” She whirled around so quick, I took a step back.

I sized her up, did the math, and liked my odds. She may have had hearing to rival Lassie, but I could easily outrun her.

“You said ‘faggot’ so I said ’stupid bitch’ — I thought it was the name game.”

Her tiny, over made-up eyes narrowed and her thin lips curled into a sneer. “Fuck. You.”

“Not for all the oil in Iraq,” I smiled and scurried off before I got my clock cleaned by the hash slinging truckstop T-rex in blue eyeshadow.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Chant Boy Chant!

This past weekend was pretty mellow/low key for me.....which I love. I was pretty much a homebody all weekend, with a few exceptions. Here's some of the highlights of what went down in my world over the weekend:

On Saturday, my folks came by & treated me to dinner. My parents had me laughing so hard that my tummy was sore for awhile after they left. They're comedians, but they don't know it.....oblivious to their own joke....and they fart.....a lot....and then they yell at each other in Spanglish when the other one better believe that my house was all aglow in Glade scented candles, as soon as they hit pavement.

Sunday afternoon, as I was scrubbing my Jacuzzi Whirlpool 8-jet bathtub, appointed with 24kt fittings leaky bathtub, I heard a strange sound coming in through my bathroom window. It was a sound I've heard before, coming from my neighbor's apartment. Someone was playing what sounded like a didgeridoo. One, long, single low note was being played constantly. Then a bell began to, someone started to chant....and then there were others chanting. I couldn't recognize the language, but there was something very hypnotic & musical about it. I estimated that there were at least 10 people (maybe more)....I shit you not, they chanted for at least 25 minutes, non-stop. I know this to be true because that's about as long as I listened...standing in my bathroom, wearing nothing more than a well worn loincloth pair of ratty old PJs.

It got kinda funky sounding at one point (for real), and the chanting sounded a bit like that song "Tootsie Roll", from the early there I was, 'chanting ' along with them: "Cotton Candy, Sweet and Low, let me see your Tootsie Roll"...

I called a friend and asked him to listen to the chant, to see if he could recognize the language, but it wasn't loud enough for him to hear through the phone....then he sorta freaked me out by saying that they could be was at that point that I shut my bathroom window and decided to mind my own damn business.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Hey Mr. DJ...

I've been officially tagged by my future husband (after Steven divorces me, due to my affair with Michael, but I digress), Brooklyn Stud, and all around nice guy: Eddie...did I mention that he's one sexxxy Papi?

The name of the Game: List the top 7 songs I'm currently listening to...

Per my Itunes 'Party Shuffle' Playlist, these are the last seven I've been singing along to:

1. Depeche Mode: This Ain't No Disco
2. Kate Bush: Love & Anger
3. Goldfrapp: Lovely 2 C U
4. Korn: Freak on a Leash
5. Lucinda Williams: Are You Alright?
6. Massive Attack: Protection
7. Deee-Lite: Power of Love

Ironically, Deee-Lite was in both Eddie's & my list....Don't fight fate Eddie....Come to me.

I officially pass on this TAG to:

Michael Guy
Eric (the Red one)
Rad Homo

Thursday, March 22, 2007

You Can't Keep a Good Queen Down

The following post is lifted from Joe.My.God....(Note: Joe's site recently hit 2 million visitors, way to go Joe!.)

All four assailants charged in last summer's brutal assault of drag entertainer Kevin Aviance pled guilty in NYC court today, receiving prison sentences ranging from 6 to 15 years in plea agreements that included hate crimes embellishments. The four young men, whorange in age from 17 to 21 years old, had faced up to 25 years each for the attack, had they been found guilty in a trial.

All had been charged with gang assault as a hate crime.The above hefty sentences, satisfied readers, are the result of New York's hate crimes laws. To ensure that such justice is available to LGBT people nationwide, please read the post below this one and make sure that your representative in Congress hears from you.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

WTF Wednesday

One of our departments, here at Corporate HQ, is relocating to a new facility. That means the folks in that department are allowed to dress in casual attire, while they box up their shit and clean up their caves offices. There are two men in that department that are sporting the most horrific looking shoes ever created. The Croc...

Before I continue, I need to make a correction's actually one man & a Lesbian. If you saw her, you'd forgive me for making that mistake. She's butch to the 'Nth' degree....I think she even has more chest hair than I do, but I digress....and please don't send me any hate notes, regarding that 'sexist' comment. I'm a big whore hypocrite Homo, so it's OK for me to kid like that.

Nowadays, I see these shoes everywhere I go. I just don't get it. I could understand it if I lived in Holland or belonged to a hippie commune, but not in L.A.....and definitely not at work!

According to the Crocs website, these 'shoes' are "perfect for standing around all day making a fashion statement. socks are optional".....Just what fashion statement would you be making - - that you have no taste/style of your own, so you just buy whatever is hot at the moment ?

I'm sorry, but these only look acceptable on small children at the beach. This 'fashion trend' needs to die ASAP!....Thanks for listening to me vent/rant/bitch....please resume normal activities.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


As I wrapped up my morning shower, I toweled off atop an ivory cashmere bath mat. The houseboy, ran to me as soon as he heard the shower head turn off. There he stood before me, wearing nothing but a golden fishnet thong. His manhood straining to stay confined in its little pouch. His oiled up body flexed in all the right places as he finished toweling me off, brushed my hair, and then applied body lotion to me from head to toe....and that's when it hit me: I left my car parked overnight in the driveway....with the trunk open and the driver side window rolled down.....ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

So I threw on a pair of ratty old sweats & a T-shirt and ran outside. Yes, yes, ya'll.....some creature of the night went through my car & took about 30 of my favorite CDs (even the Britney Spears...I have no idea why or how that one got in there)....the glove compartment was also rifled through (they took nothing). I am very grateful that they left the $1.25 I had in quarters sitting in plain view though. So now, I feel a little "weird".....yes, violated.

I live in a pretty good part of town & am totally surprised that anyone would have the balls to do what they did. I mean, the car was parked very close to the front door. The nerve! back into the house I went.....I needed the houseboy to make me feel better!

Monday, March 19, 2007


I went to see 300 this weekend. I loved it....Beautiful, stylish visuals...Good Lawdy...the eye candy was non-stop...It was sorta like watching a Colt movie, but without all of the gay sex. The physiques on these "300" was unreal....I nearly 'erupted' when they showcased Gerard Butler's backside, silhouetted by the moonlight....I loved the ho-mo slo-mo fighting was like well planned choregraphy....

There were certain things about this movie that I had issues with, like: Why were there 'creatures' that the Persians had fighting for them?....and why did Xerxes have to look like a butch drag queen (minus a wig)?....For real ya'll: Xerxes does have a pretty impressive package (the actor's Brazilian, afterall)...I won't give away any more details....go see this movie!

I'm thinking about bringing back the Roman sandal this summer. I can totally picture me in Vegas, poolside at the Venetian...flowing red cape, leather "enhanced pouch" Speedo...and of course those strappy Roman sandals completing the look.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Things that make you go "Hmmm...." dress, scarf worn draped across the frock just so, Fabu hat, and a magic stick....who's the flamer now?

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Come Undone

I've really been trying to limit the amount of crappy food that I eat. I do "allow" myself to eat fast food at least once a week (sometimes 3 times a week...shhh!). Today was my special food day. So there I am at lunchtime, standing at the front of the line in Taco Bell, when my belt decides to break. There's a part in the belt's buckle that clasps onto the leather belt. That's the part that broke, sending my buckle to the dirty floor.....that's the moment when I became a "medium" and was able to hear the other customer's thoughts:...."poor fatty broke his belt and he's still here ordering more fat to go"...."take that as a sign chubs"...."he does have a cute booty though".

So I scooped up the buckle and stood around waiting for my food. Yes, I still had the belt looped through my pants, without a buckle. I just know I looked like an asshole, but I was determined not to let the shame of it all break me and force me to run out of there, tail tucked in.

FYI, I've lost 5 lbs in the last 3 weeks, so my gut didn't bust the belt. I blame this on poor craftsmanship, by some El Salvadorian child sweatshop worker.

Lately, I've been hearing quite a bit about this Master Cleanse/Lemonade Diet drink and I'm thinking about going on it. My blogger buddy (and cutie-patootie), LittleBigChris did it for the entire 10 days and even Vlogged his progress daily on YouTube. I've been a longtime stalker fan of his, and I'm pretty damn proud of the lad. Check him out.

Update: I think I need to clarify my reasons for wanting to do this:

I wouldn't be doing it for the weight loss (which I don't think is significant at all), I just want to clean me out. I'm not a fan of the hose being shoved up my arse and then flushed out with water. I'd much rather be sitting on the "pot" every morning, bracing myself with the sink, while millions of parasites come racing out of me!....wheee!...sounds fun, no?

Yes, yes ya'll...I want to shit myself clean....I just don't know if I have the willpower to last the entire 10 days. Wish me luck, Bitches!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Idle American

Last night, while I was waiting for the buzz from my raspberry martini to kick in, I decided to turn on the telly to see if there was anything worth watching. Somehow, I found myself watching American Idol. I hate that show because:
  • I think it's pretty lame to have "America" vote for who stays & who goes (read: teen girls with Sidekicks that spend 2 hours texting in their votes decides who wins).
  • Paula always appears drunk.
  • The idiot audience always boos Simon every time he lays out the truth.
I only saw one "Idol" perform last night (Melinda I think -- the black girl with the giant head). After this chick's performance, Paula started to cry because she just realized that she was actually drinking water & not the vodka she ordered. the performance moved her to tears.

For me, the best part of the show was when Simon and Ryan Cheesecrest got into a little witty banter.
Ryan: Stay out of my closet!
Simon: Come out!

I don't know why, but I really loathe Ryan. Maybe it's that little mousey face of his, or maybe it's the way he over enunciates words that really irks me. I just hope the rumors aren't true, and he's not gay.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Summer in March?

If we're going to continue getting these ridiculous temps, I'd best get this flab tightened up one wants to see a chub wearing Daisy Dukes.

91 degrees in March??? WTF!?

The Low Life

The highlight of my weekend was waking up on Saturday night, screaming....screaming due to a Charlie Horse cramp in my calf muscle. The attack of pain seemed to have lasted a lifetime, (but may have only really lasted about 30 seconds). I remember thinking "OK, OK, OK....., I get it're sending me some kind of message...just stop this already....I'll stop being a sinning Homo.....OK, well we both know that's a lie....but stop this already.... please!.....arrrggh!"....I was screaming like a little Bitch, and I didn't give a damn who heard me yelling. I'm just a little disappointed that none of my neighbors (I have 2 in mind) ran to my rescue.....shirtless and oiled up.

Speaking of oiled up men, I had planned on seeing that gay, soft core porn movie 300, over the weekend, but the damn thing was sold out. Option #2 was watching Reno 911... For real: this movie was hi-larious....Reno was pretty much an extended series episode, but I laughed throughout the entire thing. I don't know what it is about stupid people, but they do make me chuckle.

Speaking of stupid people, I best get ready for my 12:00 meeting.

Later, Betches (and I mean that in the most loving, sinful Homosexual way!)

Friday, March 9, 2007

Kiss Me Like You Mean It!

Not that long ago, I met a great guy (off of a certain on-line hook-up site....don't judge!). Initially, we only chatted on-line & on the phone. Then after about 3 weeks of this dance, we decided to meet up for drinks. There was much discussion before the actual meet, about how he wanted to take things slowly. He just got out of a roller coaster ride of a bad relationship, and he didn't want to "jump right back into LTR status " (....huh?.....), nor did he want to treat me like a flavor of the week. Sweet, no? I knew before we met face-to-face, that we were destined to be friends, if not lovers. Our conversations on-line & phone line always left me in stitches. He was a hoot, & I'm a hoot and a half (for real)!

So, I went to meet him and wasn't expecting to "meat" him at all. Just a couple of queers out for a night of booze & giggles. Well, truth be told, I was sorta hoping for a little under the sweater action, and maybe a little bit of fondling down there, but I digress....As predicted, we spent the evening drinking too much, laughing too much, and flirting way too much. The bar that we were making a spectacle in was about to close, so we decided to head back to his place for "coffee".

Homeboy was wearing khaki colored pants, and I noticed in the bar that he was in fact, very very happy to see me. And I can also confirm that what they say about men with big feet is so true. The short walk back to his place was very touchy touchy. All of that "lets take things slowly" B.S. was quickly forgotten. It had been awhile since I'd gotten any loving, so I was looking forward to "coffee".

The moment he closed his apartment door, we were all over each other. Hands were quickly removing clothing, and we were groping each other like a couple of homos in heat. Then, he took my face in his hands and went in for a about disappointment. His tongue attacked my mouth, nostrils, and cheeks. I've had better kisses from Labradors. Sloppy kisser decided to mix it up a bit and his tongue suddenly caught rigor mortis. He thought I might like a stiff tongue jabbing on my own tongue, it was like he was trying to stab it. I didn't enjoy that, nor did I enjoy the way he used his tongue to scrub my gums. So not hot!

After a lifetime of torture few minutes of that mess, he quickly dropped to his knees and tore at my jeans. Oh hell no, not my designer jeans....the button nearly popped off.... I had no other choice but to yell at him for this crime: "Bitch, please....can't you read the pant's label? Yes, that's right.....OLD best recognize!"........ok, that last bit may be a lie.....So there he is, working my business like he's drinking a Slurpee, and trying to suck out every last bit. I've never had a BJ that I didn't like....until I met him. Have you ever had a Woody Woodpecker BJ? That was his "special trick", as he later explained. This torture went on for what seemed like forever, but I somehow was able to , er, finish.....Thankfully, he was too exhausted to want any reciprocation. Thank you Jeebus!

I feel a little bad about revealing this bad press about him, but apparently not that bad to not post it. I mean, lookit, I'm not naming names here. And besides, he knows that I blog, but he's never shown any interest in it, and so far hasn't asked me what my blog's called. See, rationalizing always makes you feel better.

Shockingly, things never worked out in the bedroom for us, but we're still good friends. I tried to teach him how to properly kiss (among other things), but he just failed miserably. I guess it's true what they say about not being able to teach old Queens new tricks!
~The idea for this post & above photo taken from the not so single guy blog.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Look Away

Don't look at me....I'm Hideous!

Last night, I thought that I had cut the corner of my mouth. After dinner, the right corner became red & irritated looking. I've cut the corners of my mouth before, usually by being careless and letting a sharp edge of paper get too close. Well, this morning I noticed about 5 or 6 little bumps in the corner. They look like little blisters you get, if you burn yourself. I have no idea what they are or why they're there. WebMD, here I come!

In the meantime, I've slapped on some antibiotic ointment, which feels like it's working. "The burn means it working", right?....The ointment has left a shiny gloss on the bumps, so now they're even more noticeable. Damn! I wouldn't mind so much, but I've got a presentation to deliver here at the sweatshop this afternoon.

Not a good year for my mug!

Monday, March 5, 2007


A friend & I finally decided to visit Hollywood's latest dining hotspot, Citizen Smith. Things started off badly, from the moment we parked the car. As friend was getting out of the car, the valet attendent barked: "10 dollahs"....and when friend didn't pay quick enough, he again barked "10 dollahs"....friend got pissed off & shouted back" I heard you the first time", only to get the attendant saying something smart ass in Arabic to the other valets....friend got all up in the dude's grill, and asked, "what did you say"?.....(I was a little turned on at this point)...Aladdin, acted like he had no idea what friend was talking about, and suddenly became very friendly, patting him on the back & calling him "boss"...

We were pretty impressed with the decor. Think: George Orwell's 1984 industrial doom meets Shabby Chic Paris bistro stylie, with a dash of modern, thrown in for kicks. They call their look: Urban Bistro. I really liked their giant chandeliers that were surrounded by these glass cubes that had transparent photos of everyday Hollywood residents on them. The music was eclectic and worked with the hip, very late 20s to very early 40s crowd (80's new wave to electronica & a whole lot of funk in between) .

The seating arrangement soon became a problem. They sat us in the covered outdoor room, where, not 4 feet behind us, smokers were allowed to do their thing. To the left of me was an outdoor floor heater that blew lots of hot air directly at my legs. My crotch could only handle about 3 minutes of this, so I asked if we could move directly to the table to my right. The imcompetent hostess said that she had to check if it was ok to move us 2 feet to the right. I got real bold and decided just to slide my ass on over. She never came back to tell us it was "ok".

I need to also mention that people on one side of the table sit in chairs, while the other side sits on a long cushioned banquette....the banquette is more like a rectangular, leaking bean bag. Try to picture my 6'4" friend sitting lower than me, with the top of the table very near his mouth...ha!

A few minutes later, we started to smell the smokers. It was so bizarre where they let the smokers smoke. The restaurant is basically 2 large rooms, connected with a "hallway". The smokers light up in the hallway....unreal.

So, we asked to be moved to a 3rd table, which we were very happy with. Read: the waiter was so damn gorgeous, with a great personality, and very attentive. Unfortunately, he had no idea I was drooling at him & following his every move....sigh...he was clearly straight, but whatever!

The food made up for all the crap we went initially through. We shared fried green tomatos (topped with mozarella & balsamic vinegar), and I had the seared tuna & friend had the ribs. I give the food 2 snaps up!

After dinner we decided to venture out to that other part of L.A. where homos like to live/party: Silverlake.

We had heard about a fun, no attitude, Morrocan themed bar/dance joint, called Akbar that was in the area, so we dropped in to check it out. We got there about 10:30, and the joint was really jumping. Great mix of people here (gays, straights, emo kids, punks, label whores, and even a few OC surfers). I'm sure if the the fire marshall had dropped by, half the folks would've had to leave. I really wanted to dance, but there wasn't an inch of dance floor left. After about an hour, we decided to leave and check out a place my friend spotted 2 blocks away.

The Tiki Ti is a funky Polynesian themed tiki bar, located on Sunset Boulevard. It is the epitome of the Tiki tavern style. If you've ever been to the Tiki Tiki room at Disneyland, imagine that, but with an overkill of camp Polynesian crap everywhere you looked. So funky here, but in a good way. There was only one other homo couple there (my gaydar never fails me), but we had a blast just the same. My friend had heard about the Tiki-Ti on that show Fine Living, which was showcasing the best places in the US for tropical drinks.

The Tiki opened in 1961 and is tiny, but what it lacks in square footage it makes up for in menu size. There's 86 tropical drinks on offer, most of which simply can't be found anywhere else. The bartenders are known for their "heavy" pours and specialty drinks like the "Blood and Sand," where patrons yell "Toro, Toro, Toro", while the drink is topped off with a hell of a lot of tequila. The other chanting drink is the "Uga Booga" where patrons yell "ooga booga" as the drink is being topped off with much tequila. For real: the drink to get is "Ray's Mistake".....We had about 4 drinks here and could've easily got plastered, as the drinks are so fruity and deceptive. I'll definitely be back.

Friday, March 2, 2007

What's That You've Got On?...

...well, It sure ain't' Comme des Garcons.

I went to lunch today with an ex-coworker. She is drop dead gorgeous and single. Let me paint you a picture....She's 6'0" tall, has a beautiful face, has naturally curly dark brown hair, her skin is flawless & alabaster, she has a "toight little body", her ass could probably crack walnuts, and her teats are real (and real perky).

Now, let me fill in the details.....Her hairstyle is tragic. She wears it in a high "bob" style, with one side short & the other side much longer (I shit you not)....and don't forget, her hair is very curly....Did ya'll ever see that Will & Grace episode, where they do a flashback to when W&G were dating? Grace had that funky poodle bob...that's exactly the look she's sporting.

Today was "casual attire day" at her current job. This is what she wore.....A mint green ribbed turtleneck....tucked into a pair of pleated (yes, pleated !!)...tapered jeans. To ensure that the pants wouldn't droop, she wore a really thick, fake leather belt, with a gigantic silver tone buckle. That belt could probably be used to tow a car out of a ditch, but let's not digress...

What shoes did she wear? The poor thing was wearing witchy-poo ankle boots, with heels that were so thick, the shoes could also double as a hammer.

I don't know where she shops, but her entire outfit (including shoes) looked new.....she's a big wig at her job, so she can easily afford a pretty awesome wardrobe....and honestly, you don't need to spend a lot of money to look great. You could throw together a great outfit at Mervyns, Target, or even Goodwill, if you know which ones get the best crap clothes.

She caught me at lunch undressing her with my eyes & then re-dressing her with much better was kinda funny when she asked me: "you like what you see babe?".....she knows that I'm a big homo and was only teasing me...I laughed it off of course (because I'm fake like that)...oh, what I really wanted to say! And no...she is not a lesbo (not that there's anything wrong with that)....I know all of you 'mos were already thinking that.

She often complains that she's tired of being single. I just know that if she grew her hair out and wore better clothes, she'd have all the guys she could handle. I have mentioned to her before (countless times) that she needs to dress a little more slutty to bring the boys to the yard, and girlfriend got really defensive about her choices in clothes. I think she needs an outsider to relay the same message....hmmm...I'm seriously thinking about nominating her for that show, "What Not to Wear"....I'd better look into that stat!

Thursday, March 1, 2007

I Lust Him

I just can't stop looking at this man. Lordy, sometimes life can be so unfair. I bet he has a pretty impressive tool as well...All I can say is that I would donate one of my kidneys for a night of monkey sex with this beefcake...

I'm currently at work and staring at this pic....It's going to be awhile before I can stand up without causing a commotion.

Pic comes courtesy of studly Marko.