Saturday, August 30, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I was tagged by my favorite Irish-Man-Living-in-England, Mark, over at Planet Romach, to disclose the following information.

1. Do you like Blue cheese? Only in really small, crumbled portions.

2. Have you ever smoked? Never...but I do enjoy a nice smoked salmon.

3. Do you own a gun? I am often asked: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me"...and my response is: "the only gun I own is a staple gun, and I left that at home".

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Cherry.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only if it's for a full physical exam...then I get nervous that I might get a little "excited" during the part of the exam where my pants are around my ankles...I think that's technically called "paying the bill".

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They're best when they have a slice or three of crispy bacon wrapped around the weiner...yum!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? "It's a Wonderful Life"...I HAVE to watch that every Christmas.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea, Earl Grey (just like Mark), but with sugar...oh, and hold the cream.

9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but not that many at the moment.....sigh.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A titanium ring that Paul gave me...LOVE it!

11. Favorite hobby? Scrapbooking....just kidding...don't really have any hobbies, but I do enjoy playing video games, whenever I have the time.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Stupid people cause me to lose interest I may have been accused of having A.D.D (on many occasions)....especially where I work.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Glasses...and I feel so exposed & vulnerable when I'm not wearing them.

14. Middle names? Luscious....oops, I mean "Lee".

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? cantaloupe, London, cell-phone

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Tea, Wine.

17. Current worry? I think I left the iron on!

18. Current hate right now? That my clothes keep shrinking.

19. Favorite place to be? On an airplane (1st class please) flying to somewhere I've never been.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? On my back, with my feet pointing to baby Jebus, while I was...oops...that was later... I was actually with friends when the clock struck 12:00, planting a wet one on my Boo.

21. Where would you like to go? Rome, see all of those architectural masterpieces.

22. Name three people who will complete this? Paul (because he hasn't written a post on his blog in ages)....Big Daddy (my on-line hubby)....and Joe (my East Coast Concubine).

23. Do you own slippers? I was really into Chinese slippers back in the 80's, but these days, I'm not really a fan of slippers ...they make me feets sweat!

24. What shirt are you wearing? A button down shirt from The Gap...corporate wear...ugh!

25. Where will you be spending Christmas? At my house with my parents, siblings & daughters, with a giant smile on my face.

26. Can you whistle? I can make whistle sounds, but can't whistle a tune.

27. Favorite color? Blue.

28. Would you be a pirate? Never...the working conditions are way too filthy for my delicate disposition.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Usually it's all about Christian Hymns in the shower, but this morning I sang a song that I haven't heard/sang in ages: "That's The Way" by Culture Club.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Aquanetta

31. Favorite Boy’s name? Coolio

32. What’s in your pocket right now? Lint

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Me, trying to do push ups.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? When I was a wee lad (around 7 yrs old), my sister was riding me around on her bike's handlebars... in a construction site...she lost control on the bumpy asphalt & we forehead slammed into a sharp piece of broken concrete...I needed stitches to close the cut, but no brain damage....I think.

36. Do you love where you live? Love the area, but I think I'm starting to fall out of love with my house...I need a bigger place.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two.

38. Name 3 other words for penis: Wang, Schlong, Chorizo.

39. Name 3 other words for vagina: Gash, Vajayjay, Stink-Hole.

40. Name 3 other words for Tits: Teats, Jugs, Chest-Pillows

Monday, August 25, 2008


Lately, I've been shaking my groove thang to the following's "A Cause de Garcons" by Yelle and the dancers in the video are dancing Tecktonik style.

Tecktonik is a form of dance that's basically a blend of hip-hop, techno, glow sticking, and Vogueing. It started in the dance clubs of Paris, around the year 2000. Metropolis is the dance club that's often cited as the birthplace.

When I was in Paris this past May, I actually saw a group of kids Tecktonik dancing in a plaza (battling each other), but I thought that they were just "butch" so ignorant!

I hear that some 50 year-old pop star (with scary looking hands), who just kicked off her tour, is actually Tecktonik dancing to one of her guess is either "Nobody Knows Me" or a revamped version (again) of "Vogue".

Oh, and I've been Tecktonik dancing for years, but never knew it...all it takes is a few drinky-drinks in me and I start to get my Drunk Crunk Tecktonik on.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hey Baby...Hey Baby...Hey!

Congrats to Gwen Stefani & hubby Gavin Rossdale... Gwen gave birth yesterday afternoon to an 8 pounds - 5 ounce baby boy....this makes baby #2 for Gwen.

Oh, and the name they chose?....prepare yourselves....

Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale

Can't you just hear the name calling/teasing already from his future classmates?

For Christmas, I totally want the non-gay action figure below of the Harajuku girl with the side fro....ok, ok, dammit...I want the entire set!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


My love for Homer J Simpson is real and it's deep, but this Photoshop'd pic is scaring the love right out of me.


I Know Your Face....(Not)

Normally, if I eat breakfast, I'll pass on lunch....not just because I'm cheap, but mainly because I'm still full by the time lunch hour comes 'round. I really don't eat that much during the day...

[Internal voice screams]: then why are you such a fatty?

[I scream back (internally)]: I'm not fat, I'm unfit...and my pant's waist band cuts into me, because I'm a late night snacker/plate licker who has become strangers with the gym.

Anyhoo...this morning's breakfast was a little whimpy (2 scrambled eggs & 2 slices of bacon), so by noon, I was feeling a little peckish. So much so, that I ventured out to the local mall, to get me some chicken kebabs at the Greek place.

Whilst waiting for my order of kebabs, a woman came up to me and said: "Chris...?....Chris [last name] is that you?

I couldn't tell you who this woman was, if my life depended on it. I hate it when someone from my past recognizes me and I don't recognize them back.

So, to stall for time & search my mind for who this woman could possibly be, I responded with: "maybe...does Chris owe you money?"

We both fake laughed at this point and I gave up on guessing who she was. I came clean and told her that I was sorry, but I have such a poor memory that I really had no clue who she was. She told me her name was Vicky and that we used to work together at a bank in the early 90's....I still had no clue...even when she started to drop names. To be fair (to me that is), we worked for a bank, but it was in a department that was sort of back office, with about 80 other people in the same room.

I still don't know who she is, but I got tired of her trying to jog my memory by saying things like: " you remember the one time when...",.. or: "we used to go to lunch with so-and-so....", etc, etc, I lied (my order was up & I wanted her out of my face & the chicken all up in it) and said "oh yes...of are you Vicky?" I have no idea who any of the people were that she mentioned or any of the memories that she brought up either....sorry Vic.

We chatted for a few minutes more & quickly caught up...she seems like a really nice lady, and I really do wish I remembered who she was.

Oh, Vicky is a Born Again Christian and was sweet enough to invite me to her church... hmmm... maybe I should go...with my boyfriend.


Monday, August 18, 2008

Gay Games 2008

Who knew that the Summer Olympics were soooo gay?...and here I've been wasting my time watching beach volleyball and the swimming events.

Whatchu Lookin At?

Driving in to work today, I had an interesting encounter with a bus driver.

Picture this:

Me...[looking fabulous]...driving down 7th Street, heading for the 605 Freeway while singing along to Moloko's "Sing it Back" [and I was singing it back to Ms. Roisin Murphy]...and that's about the time I started to get a creepy I was being watched.

Sure enough...when I looked to my right, I saw this bus driver looking at me, with a sour look on his face and shaking his head at disgust.

Huh?....What was that all about?!

Just as I was about to show him what my middle finger looks like, he made a right-hand turn.

I spent the remainder of the drive in to work obsessing over what caused the bus driver to look at me like that.

--- Was it my singing? [couldn't be...the windows were rolled up]...
--- Was it my finger snapping/chicken neck bopping? [possibly, but I was being discreet]...
--- Was it the hole in my sock? [no, that's just ridiculous]...
--- Did he hear/smell my fart(s)? [no, again, the windows were rolled up]...
--- Was he jealous of my kick-ass side burns? [most likely].

Hmmm....the mystery continues, but for now, I'm claiming mistaken identity.


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Missing You...

I'm trying to give up drinking soda (specifically Diet Coke)...mainly for health reasons...been feeling like a little bloated lately, and the caffeine really isn't good for the nerves. So I've replaced my beloved Diet Coke with water....mmmm, so tasty!

It's DAY 3 of being soda free....and the headaches are FINALLY starting to go away. The first day was easy, but yesterday was a real b*tch. The goal is to make it through a steps, y'all.

As an added bonus, I go home with a little bit more money in my pocket....yay!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Escape from Rehab

This game's the funniest thing I've seen around lately (yes, that's Amy Winehouse):

Play it now & thank me later !

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Duck Whisperer

At my workplace, we have a courtyard that has a large, shallow pool with a fountain in the middle of it. Since I've been working here (2002) there has been a pair of ducks that stop by, whenever they want to get away from all of the other ducks and get their swim on.

I haven't seen the ducks for about a month now...that is, until this afternoon. As I was walking past the pool, I saw the female sitting on the pool's ledge getting her some sun...the male must've been out whoring about, as he often does.

As I walked past her, she quacked at me, jumped off the ledge and started to follow me. [I shit you not]...then I noticed that she had some fishing line caught in her bill/nostril along with a floater ball that was hanging on the side of her bill. I stopped walking, but she kept walking right up to me, and when she was about 2 feet away from me, she sat down...still quacking (I'm guessing that the ducks are so tame thanks to some of the employees feeding them).

Luckily, I speak Duckese, and she was saying to me: "Get this shit off of me"...and even luckier, I had a pair of nail clippers in my purse messenger bag. I took my chances and slowly bent down towards her bill (with clippers shaking in hand). She just sat there and let me get close enough to snip off the longest part of the fishing line that had the ball hanging off of it....and then....she tried to bite me...what an ingrate!

Poor thing still has a bit of line wrapped around her upper bill and going through her nostril, but I did my good deed for the I'm waiting for Karma to return the favor....preferrably in the form of a cash windfall.

Friday, August 8, 2008

2008 Summer Olympics

Tonight's the opening ceremony for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing...that's like, in China.

I love watching what the host country does to entertain the world, and also watching the athletes marching with their home countries (read: playing "spot the hottie/homo") is always fun .

I heard that $300 million was spent on the opening ceremony.



Thursday, August 7, 2008

Confessions of a Weak Man

Please forgive me Lover, for I have sinned...

I've tried my best to be faithful to the commitment I made sometime last year... but I'm a man...a weak man, who easily gives in to his carnal needs.

I may have mentioned this before: I like my men beefy...and y'all may be interested to know that it's been a couple of weeks since I've gone down on a nice slab of beef.

This afternoon, that crave, that desire, that need took hold of me in the worst way. I needed my fill of some beefy goodness, and I was looking for it fast & cheap...I took care of that need during an extended lunch.

I went to Wal-Mart, just down the street from my workplace to "pick-up" a few "things".

While standing in the checkout line, I noticed the young, burly, Latino man who would soon help me score my quick fix. With my purchases in hand, I walked right up to him, ignoring his cheesy greeting, and told him just what I wanted from him.

I said: "I'd like a large #3 with a Diet Coke...hold the ice".

That's right...I cheated on my diet and gave in to McDonald's siren call...and I liked it...well, I did at the the time I got back to work, the grease slick on my tongue was causing me regret...Why can't Wal-Mart have chosen a healthier option for it's in-store fast food restaurant?!

I'm so damn tired of eating chicken...I think it's been 2 weeks of nonstop chicken (well, sometimes turkey was on the menu too)...eating poultry every day gets old, real fast.

I've had cheeseburger on the mind, ever since last Thursday's Homemade 'Burger Night didn't happen.

On tonight's menu: Beef Stir Fry, and I'm definitely going to the gym tonight to work off the fat/grease/guilt.

Of interest: I work in an area of L.A. that has a large Asian population. While sitting in McD's (scarfing down lunch), I noticed that all of the Asian customers were thin. All of them. As for the non-Asian customers...well, not so much on the thin side...I suddenly wished I was Asian.


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Take Me Away

Had a bad night...and the ugly is spilling into today.

I'm just going through some family stuff right now that's a little too personal to reveal here...maybe I'll share at a later date...when there's a glass of wine in my hand.

Is it pathetic for a 40 year-old to want to runaway?


Monday, August 4, 2008

Much Ado About Nothing

Things have been pretty low key around my neck of the woods lately. Work has slowed down big time, so I'm in "clean up" mode...last week, my boss transferred to a new department, so that's just adding to the "slowness"...I guess I better enjoy it while it lasts...his replacement will be here any day now.

The weekend was slow moving too. I did see the Dark Knight, on Saturday...I thought it was good, but it really didn't thrill me much. I dunno, I didn't really care for Batman Begins neither...maybe there just wasn't enough shirtless Christian Bale scenes...or maybe it was the way he (over)butched up his voice whenever he was Batman that just irked me.

On a completely unrelated note:

I have a friend who's kind of geeky and loves him some number puzzles (especially Soduko). He sent me the following number chingadera this morning...check it out:

Calculate your Age by the way you like to Eat Out!

[tee hee !!]

1. Pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2.

3. Add 5 .

4. Multiply it by 50 .

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number. (i.e., how many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.).....The next two numbers are your age!

Wheeeee!!!! Aren't you glad you played along?


Friday, August 1, 2008

Do You See What I See?

Check out this optical illusion.

If you back away from your computer a few feet (or squint) (or shrink the image), Einstein turns into Marilyn Monroe.