Tuesday's Tidbits

The Irony

I am eating Baby Carrots, Baby Spinach, while listening to Madison Avenue sing "Don't Call Me Baby".

The Horror

DMV just sent me my new Driver's License. After looking at my "mug shot" I am so disgusted how F-A-T I look, that I will no longer be pleasuring myself...well, not until the weight (and a few of my chins) drops off. That DMV wench, behind the camera, even had the nerve to say "Oh, that's a good one"....I look like a drunk Sumo wrestler!

The Want

Gawd, I would look great in this hat. I think it's Armani. I'm just a little concerned that it might not be age appropriate. Kinda like a 40-year old man wearing Aberzombie & B*tch.

A Fool's Birthday

Happy Birthday to all you Sexxy MoFos out there, who were lucky enough to be born on this day....here's one Sexxy HoMoFo that shares his B-day with Yours Truly.

Hey Gurl...

Just checking in...not much has gone on since you last tuned in. Work has been keeping me super busy since Halloween '09, but in this economy, that's a very good thing. I'ma hush my mouth and work Betch, work! I forgot to mention that my GBF (Gay Best Friend) and I dined at the Boxwood Cafe (one of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants) this past Saturday.

The Boxwood is inside the London (Hotel) West Hollywood. It's pretty easy to pass the hotel up if you aren't looking for it. It looks like a nice condo building and the "front" of the hotel is on a side driveway. Anyhoo, the Boxwood is Modern-60's-Fab. Not sure how to describe the place in Interior Designer terms, but here's a pic of the restaurant's front desk...



There were a couple of mirrors in the hotel that I really wanted to steal. I have a huge blank area above my TV and either of the mirrors I was conspiring to snatch would've worked just fine....but my GBF wouldn't fake a seizure so that I'd have enough time to rip the mirror off the wall. He is now dead to me.

The food was D'lish. My only complaint is that when my salmon (with cucumber salad & eggplant gazpacho) showed up, GBF & I asked the plate (in unison): "is that it"? The portions were very Un-American (read: the perfect portion for someone who just had gnocchi as an appetizer, and planned on ordering the raspberry meringue for dessert).

Warning: if you plan on visiting The Boxwood, also plan on bringing your own wine, be aware that the corkage fee is $35....ouch...that was a little steep for someone who's used to paying $10-$15. Overall, I'd recommend the restaurant, but it's one of those places that I can now say "been there, done that" and not go back.

However, after looking at the website just now, I wish I would've known about this area of the hotel:

Sounds of Morning

I hate the morning. I'm more of a Night Owl than an Early Bird. So, I wasn't too happy this morning when, at 5 A.M., I could queerly clearly hear the foghorns off of Long Beach's coastline warning the townsfolk of approaching pirates....or whatever the foghorns sound off for.

I was able to fall back to sleep after about 20 minutes of listening to what sounded like my phone ringing on vibrate. Then, just before the alarm went off at 6:30, I was treated to the sounds of 2 chickens noisily clucking away on my side lawn. Where did these chickens come from? Did my house transport itself to East L.A.??? One of my neighbors obviously has a chicken coop, as I saw the rooster just last summer, strutting around on my front lawn. He was gorgeous. All black feathers, with a huge fan-tail that was a rainbow of colors. Who knew there were gay roosters?

This morning's chickens made me think of my Uncle David who lives in Lancaster, CA. He is the most macho man I have ever met. He owns an orchard and a small farm, where he grows his own produce and sells his wares at local Farmer's Markets. As a kid, I used to be scared sh*tless of him. He always seemed larger than life to me and reminded me of a Latin version of Elvis. As I grew older, I got to know the real man... the man behind the booming voice & the dark glasses. He's actually a kind man, just don't piss him off. You'll be sorry.

Anyhoo, he raised a turkey from a chick. He named the turkey Sam and actually trained him. I never saw the bird, but my mom said that Sam was really my uncle's pet dog. When my uncle would whistle, Sam would come running, looking for a treat. He even acted like a guard dog, chasing away cats and the neighbor's dog.

Sam lived to almost 11 years old. My mom said that my uncle called her the day Sam died (a few years ago). He was so upset she could barely understand him. She asked him if he was going to eat him right away, or wait until Thanksgiving. My uncle didn't answer her...he just hung up the phone.

Trippin' Up

Have you ever fallen UP the stairs? Yeah, neither have I, and not at work this morning, while walking up the main entrance's staircase....ahem!

As I was tripping over my feet, it felt as if time had slowed down and I just couldn't stop tripping over myself...up the stairs. In my head, I was screaming at myself to "Stop moving. Stand still. Grab the damn railing and stop yourself.....People are laughing at you!"

Mercifully, I only tripped UP about 3 or 4 steps, although it felt like my comedy routine would never end, and lucky for me that I was holding onto the railing; otherwise, I would have landed flat on my face....and that would've ended my Super Model career for sure.

I'm just really thankful that there was only one witness on the steps this morning (to whom I said: "you didn't see that did you" and she replied with a grin: "no, not at all").

Oh, and I just know that the security guards are watching the taped recording of me tripping on loop....and laaaaaauuuggghing! I'm not ashamed though, it feels good to brighten someone's day.

Cold Going Mad

...


What better way to ring in the New Year than with some Old Skool 90's?

Can You Feel it?

:-)

Against My Window

L.A. finally got some rain today...and I love it. The rain always reminds me of cities that I've visited & dream about living in someday. It makes me want to book a flight out of this town.

I didn't go anywhere in 2009.....very unusual for this Wanderlust....I didn't even make it to Vegas, despite the many mini-vaycays I planned throughout the year. I'm going to do my best in 2010 to visit either San Fran, Chicago, or NYC. Maybe I'll look for work related seminars in those cities... hmm...

Besides all of the fabulous (such a stereotypically gay word) U.S. cities, I'm dying...DYING to go back to London. I'd love to see my blogger friends Mark (and his hubby, Eiain) in their quaint little village....or have a spot of tea with Mr. Potter (Anthony, not Harry) and talk about poppycock, bangers & mash, and practice my Cockney English on the locals.

Looking out of my office window, I can see that the rain is coming down hard...just in time for my drive home with all the other "Angelenos" who suddenly forget how to drive, at the sight of the slightest drizzle.

Jet Blue....take me Away!

Blog-I-Versary # 3

Today marks the third anniversary of my blog. Woo-Hoo !!!

Funny thing is, I actually thought I'd been keeping this thing alive for at least 5 years. I have to admit that my posts for the year have really been pitiful. Earlier in the year, I had planned on writing something at least once per day....but "life" really got in the way of blogging this year. Looking at my stats, it's no surprise at all that my readership has dropped off...significantly.

2010 is a year filled with changes for sure...I'm planning on getting to know the true sense of the word DISCIPLINE. More fitness, more writing, more photography, more spending time with friends, more financial control... and less fatness, less boozin, less bitchin-n-moanin, less excuses, and no more laziness.

On January 1, 2010, I will rise from my bed, in a golden aura of Clarity & Conviction ... and I will proclaim to the world:

Behold... I am Reborn !

Post Christmas Post

This Christmas, I did something that I haven't done before. I hosted Christmas Eve dinner. My family and I celebrate the birth of Baby Jebus on the Eve and not the Day. I was pretty nervous about playing host, as I had planned for a lot of cooking. Normally, my family & I celebrate the Eve by going to a nice restaurant, and as a present to my parents, I foot the bill. I wanted to add a new level of stress to my holiday this year, so I decided to make dinner and all of the trimmings myself.

Dinner was a success, many thanks to the help of my 2 daughters and the fine folks over at Trader Joe's, for providing me with a D'lish pre-cooked ham. It was finger looking good....as was all of the other dishes and the MANY cakes and pies my family brought.

This year, with everyone's personal economies in the virtual toilet, we kept Christmas simple and kept the spending to a minimum. Normally, my Xmas tree is drowning in presents, but not this year. There wasn't much under the tree, and that was just fine with us all. The true gift of Christmas is getting to spend time with loved ones that you don't get to see very often.....and of course, eating lots & lots of savory, buttery, fattening foods....and then going back for seconds.

Christmas Day was pretty much a suck-fest....I sat around in jammies all day...didn't shower til evening...read a book, and watched too much TV. I also felt extremely lonely. I guess the day before was such a stark contrast; a house full of loved ones, laughing and reminiscing on Xmas Eve, yet on Xmas Day, it was just me and an empty house.

The following day was Boxing Day, and Jim & Lyle hosted a cocktail party to celebrate the occasion. OH EM GEE....the man knows how to decorate....His tree had me stopped in my tracks, outside his house's front window. I really wish I had taken my camera for some stealth pic taking. The entire house and yard were decorated beautifully!.... I didn't stay long, but I have to say that Jim & Lyle have some really nice friends that I enjoyed chatting with. I firmly believe that you can always tell a person's character by the friends that they keep.....and Jim is such a character.....Har !

I took all of last week off, so getting up early today was a bit of a struggle. It's a short week though, and the workplace is ghost town...[More time to read blogs!]

Now, I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year and saying Adios to 2009!

Hope you all had a Very Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas 2009

Bad Romance; A Parody

*** Warning: Audio is NSFW ***

Sunday's Sad Song

Looking a Lot Like Christmas

Earlier this evening, I took a walk around my neighborhood. I was really impressed with how creative some of my neighbors got decorating their homes this Christmas. I became a voyeur; mentally taking decorating notes... and actually getting a little jealous of some of my neighbor's casas.

In my next home I MUST have the following: dark wood floors, a bad-ass foyer, and a big-ass mantel...oh, and a bitchin' English garden would be nice.

Every year, I buy myself a "special" ornament. Well, I've been a damn good boy this year, so I treated myself to the 2 Polonaise ornaments above. I bought our Xmas tree last week, but it only has white lights strung up. Tomorrow, the tree gets all dolled up.

Funny thing...when I finished stringing it with lights, I took a step back and was impressed with how simply pretty it looked... with only white lights. I thought about leaving it bare, but a week has passed and I have since come to my senses. I'll post pics with the tree all done soon.

I'm in the mood for some Bing Crosby now!

Scary Claus!

Supping in Silence

The other night, I went to dinner with a friend, at a great little Italian restaurant [Vino & Cucina ]. The food was Da Bomb and so was the vino...if you're ever in this part of the LBC you should give it a try. But this post isn't so much about how good the food was....no, this post is about a young couple that caught my attention.

There was a young couple sitting in my direct line of sight, and what fascinated me was that the entire time that they were in the restaurant, they didn't speak to each other....well, that is, not until their dinners showed up. From what my sleuthing eye could deduce, they weren't angry with each other. They just sat there, looking out the window, at the ceiling tiles, or at the floor. No eye contact, no under the table fondling, no suggestive tongue teasing....so Un-Gay.

Seriously, I just don't understand how 2 people sitting directly across from each other could go almost an entire meal without speaking to each other. When they did speak, it was in hushed tones, so that the homo checking them out all night couldn't make out what the hell they were saying. So frustrating!

I pray to Baby Jebus that my relationship never gets so old, that we run out of things to say to each other...or make suggestive expressions to each other, in a room full of heteros.

Saturday Night Dancing!

Not the official video, but the audio will get that azz shakin. The intro is a sample of a Divine song, but I can't remember which one.

40 Years

We took a coworker to lunch yesterday to celebrate his 40th anniversary with the company. He's even been in the same department for the entire 40 years. I can't imagine being with the same company, let alone the same department for that long. Now that's dedication. He hinted at retiring next year and that makes me a little nervous, since I depend on him A LOT to answer questions that only someone with his work history can.

We forced him to give a speech at lunch, and half way through thanking us all, he looked down and paused for a moment. When he raised his head again, his eyes were a little watery. His voice began to quiver. I silently prayed that he wouldn't lose control and cry, because I was on the verge myself. Thank Santa that my fork had sharp tines, because a quick jab to my leg, quickly helped me to get my cool back.

We took up a collection a few weeks back to get him a gift, and we were able to raise $130 for a gift certificate to his favorite French restaurant. Not too shabby.

Side note: We took the coworker to Benihana. I've never been there before, but knew all about them and their "shows" they put on. I was shocked to see how expensive they were. I wanted the giant prawns/chicken combo, but at $24, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't the only person NOT ordering off of the lunch special menu ($7 - $9 per plate). Well, when my boss's boss' boss said "Let's start with Chris", I said screw it and ordered what I wanted. I wasn't paying so why should I care? SonuvaBitch, I was the ONLY person that did NOT choose from the lunch specials.

What can I say....I'm expensive, but totally worth the expense!

Sing Boy, Sing!

Narcissus Update

Since I know you are all losing sleep not knowing how my Narcissus bulbs are doing, I've decided to ease your pain and post the above pic...The pic was taken about 2 weeks ago, but I'm horrible when it comes to uploading pics.

A 3-D Xmas Carol

Last Saturday, I was feeling the Xmas Spirit, so I naturally wanted to see a movie about a few Xmas Spirits.

So, I took my 2 youngin's to Downtown Disney (free parking....woot!) to watch Disney's A Christmas Carol (in 3-D!). I loved it. This movie is not for young children. It was a little dark and I actually jumped in a few scenes. Jim Carey, whom I don't care for much (as an actor), was brilliant, voicing many of the characters.

The 3-D effects were...well, awesome! When it snowed, it actually appeared as though the snowflakes were falling into the theater. Loved the 3-D glasses too...they're very Ray Ban-ish....Maybe I'll sport 'em the next time I visit The Abbey.

I brought my camera to Downtown Disney, to capture all of the Disney Christmas Decorating Magic, but I totally forgot about it....Bah!

Tuesday's Child Came A-Knockin'

Good thing I woke up a little earlier than normal this morning, because I had a salesman at my door around 8:00 am. Well, he wasn't really a salesman, he was more of a con artist...and not so much of a man, but more of a boy.

I recognized the song & dance from the young man at my door step this morning, because it was identical to the one that duped me years ago. I was scammed into signing up for a magazine subscription, which never materialized. I even paid up in full. I was young, dumb, and full of....(rum?)

Here, before me, stood a young man with manners that would make his mama proud, wearing oil/grease stained khakis, a khaki colored button down shirt, and a necktie that had a Christian scripture embroidered on it...I'm a heathen so I couldn't tell you from what testament or book it was from.

Our conversation went something like this:

Marcel (the Christian con-artist): Good Morning Sir...hope you're doing well, on this fine morning.

Fabulous Me (squeeeeezed into a size 32 pair of slacks [I know, I couldn't believe it either] whose button was leaving a permanent mark on my belly, yet at the same time, lifting & shaping my under-developed butt cheeks into a somewhat perky booty): I'm running late for work...what can I do for you?

Marcel: Blah, blah, blah, lies, lies, lies....I took a 2-hour bus ride just to get here...I'm trying to straighten out my life and become a better man...I only need to sell 20 more subscriptions and I can pay for my college tuition.

Moi: A 2-hour bus ride? Where were you coming from?

Marcel: oh, uh..L.A....Downtown L.A., Sir.

Me: L.A. is only 20 miles away....that must have been one long bus ride...What college are you attending?

Marcel: Yes Sir, it was a long ride. Well, I'm not in college right now, but like I said, only 20 more subscriptions and I'll be set.

I could have continued to interrogate this young man, just to see how tangled up he'd get, telling his lies, but my patience were wearing thin and I had a job to get to. He continued to press the hard sell, but I cut him short and told him that I wasn't interested and wished him luck. His face dropped and he then asked for a donation. Yeah, like I didn't see that one coming.

He left my doorstep, none the richer.

Playing Games

I've given in to the temptation and downloaded the 10 day free trial version of World of WarCraft. I have to admit that I actually like playing the game...the graphics are pretty good and movement seems seamless. I'm stuck on a (low) level and have spent way too much time trying to get past it...still stuck. So, I'm pretty much over the damn thing. It was fun while it lasted.

Little Big Planet was just purchased, and this game is beyond clever cuteness. For looking as "simple" as it does, it's not that easy. I highly recommend this award winning game. Oh, and there's a lot of belching & farting (in the game, not JUST me), so you know it's a keeper.

Gobble Gobble!

From my blog to yours, Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Betch, Where You Be?

Wow...3 weeks has passed since my last blog post. Much has happened since we last came together, but I've forgotten most of it. Har! Just wanted to check in before adding a proper post a little later today.

You may have already heard about this, as it's a little stale news, but anyway, check out this link to a tragic story that proves that monsters still exist in the world.

Beverly Leslie is a Homosexual

This post is for my BFF, even though I'm not even sure if he still reads this blog. To all other readers, please forgive the overuse of cliches.

Dear L.B. (aka Beverly Leslie) :

I just want to let you know that I am one blessed bitch, to have you as a friend. You've seen me shining at my best, and you've also been there to pick me up & dust me off, whenever I've taken a tumble.

You're my biggest cheerleader, and I can never thank you enough for all of the support you've given me over the years. Your MANY daily phone calls to my workplace is a welcomed distraction to the chaos that's currently ruling my life.

You're the Patsy Stone to my Edina Monsoon....and "Sweetie Darling", that's just Absolutely Fabulous!

Feliz Dia de Los Muertos

October 31, 2009

Halloween Bling

I Love my black glitter skull, (purchased from Target for only $5)...the picture doesn't do it's fabulousness justice.

I'm tracking Z Gallerie's website to see when this bad boy (below) goes on sale. I think I need a pair for next year. Bling Bling!

Howling at The Moon

Tonight you can find me howling at the moon at 9:00 pm sharp. Why you ask? Because tonight is the 1st Annual Planet Wide Moon Howl ...duh! Click the link for the deets.

Crapple Dapple