Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
On the downside, I'd have to endure sitting at a table full of strangers for a few hours...and then there's the Catholic wedding service....we're talking a couple of hours of kneeling, standing, kneeling, Peace Be With You, etc...
On the upside, I'd be getting a free meal...well, it'll cost me a purchase from Big Lots (oh relax...I'd switch gift tags before I left the reception!) & I could buy me a snazzy new outfit for the doomed, err...happy event.
So, I did a little online window shopping tonight for possible outfit choices...the designer? Dolce & Gabbana (Spring 2008) of course....speaking of D&G....these 2 sneaks stole MY IDEA right out from under me...that's what I get for procrastinating!
Anyhoo...I thought the following choice might work, but I'm a little concerned that I might be taking away attention from the bride who (has the nerve to be) will be wearing white:
Did I mention that the reception is going to be held at a beach house?...right on the beach, so now I'm thinking about going a little bit more casual....Here's 2 more options....do these come off as TOO gay?You did notice all of the Roman sandals, yes?...that's right....MY IDEA!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
My job is kicking my butt right now, as we're working on a huge project & deadlines are fast approaching....I even worked a 1/2 day on Saturday, and that never happens. My email inbox is overflowing with constant last minute changes & the damn phone just won't stop ringing....I'm taking a long lunch now & I'll have my phone set on Do Not Disturb, for just a little too long...oops!
I've been working on the '8 Things About Me' meme, that I've been tagged with, but only have 4 done...damn this job...always getting in the way of my Blog life!
Just wanted to post something today & say:
Heh Heh He-looo!
Bonus points awarded to the first person to identify what 1995 movie that's from...here's a clue: the star of that movie's initials are PP.
Update: Congrats to Synrgy for correctly answering my bit o' trivia...party on, Gurl!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The new frames finally arrived...and they are tight; as in: I need a pill to deal with the pressure these bitches are putting on my temples...not as in: yo, dem frames is tight, son!
This is the first pair that I'm truly happy with & I don't feel like I settled this time. The frames are everything I want to be : lightweight & black.
I'm looking a little angry/constipated here, I know...Please be kind.
Friday, June 22, 2007
It's sad but true...I do not own a washer/dryer. Ever since I fired my Houseboy (for performance issues), I've had to leave my house for a BJ wash my own damn skid marks out of my tighty-whities...
I've been putting off buying a washer/dryer ever since I moved into my new digs last October. Truthfully, I really don't mind schlepping my laundry for a couple blocks to the laundromat. I can get all of my clothes/towels/"pleasure rags", etc washed, dried & folded within 1.5 hours.
Back in the day, I would spend most of my Sundays doing laundry...pretty much all afternoon.
Another benefit of doing my wash at the 'mat is all of the people watching I get to do. Here's a sampling of a couple folks that I passed judgement on noticed last night:
This 20-something mother of a 2 year old little girl was so entertaining to watch. Here's a visual: 4"10"...175 lbs (I'm being conservative)...Latina with dark skin & blonde hair (why oh why do my people think this combo looks good??....only RuPaul can pull off this look!), "white" wife beater that was being stretched in so many unnatural directions, and the show stopper was the pink sweat pants with the word "F L I R T" across the butt. Oh, child....those pants were about 6 inches too long & they had such a hard time keeping your stomach(s) covered up.....and, NO, you flirty thing, I did not need to see your ass crack, but thanks anyway...Normally, I wouldn't say such awful things about someone who has a hard time walking away from the Chalupa, but she was such a mean bitch to her little girl....yup, she pissed me off.... The 2 year old was a real cutie...she looked like a little sprite child & was the most well-behaved child I've seen in a long time. She sat in a laundry trolley the entire time I was there. Those metal bars had to be uncomfortable, and every time she moved a little her mother yelled at her to "stop moving!!".....I was so tempted to tell her that I was impressed at how well her daughter behaves, but I was afraid she'd catch hell for "showing off" or something....I think she's just jealous/bitter that her baby is everything she isn't : thin & cute.
The Dumb Jock
There's this beefy Aberzombie type of jock that I see here once in awhile. So damn hot with medium brown hair, green eyes, & a ridiculously perfect body. The poor thing has no idea that he's supposed to separate his clothes & not just throw them all (whites mixed with darks) into one machine. This one also has a problem with his sweat pants staying up, but I have no issues with this....I only wish he'd stop wearing boxers & go commando for a change! He spoke to me once. He asked me "where do the quarters go in the machine?"....I had to explain to him that this laundromat uses prepaid money cards that you add money to, as needed. He followed me around the place with his hot breath only inches from my neck...yes, a mouth breather...I'd love to love him long time, but he seems to have a rash down there, and he's straight (he brought his chick with him once), and I get a feeling that he just isn't into flabby homos.....sigh!
Well, there you have it...would you be my, could you be my....my neighbor?!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
In case you're wondering what's up with the odd $ amounts, the price points were chosen to match Prince's latest album title, "3121"....cute, no? (...no!)
- Access to pre-concert party in the Historic Lobby Bar at 7:30pm and admission into the Blossom Ballroom at 9:30pm.
- That's it.
What you get for mortgage payment ticket (reserve seating):
- 7:30pm prefixed dinner @ The Dakota restaurant prepared by Prince’s personal chef, followed by the exclusive Prince concert in the Blossom Ballroom. Tax, gratuity & parking are not included.
- Seating for the concert begins at 9:00pm for Blossom Ballroom show.
- Access to the Jazz Session in the Historic Lobby following concert (general admission seating).
If money wasn't an issue (i.e., someone else was paying for the tix), I wouldn't mind seeing one of his shows...
...and have y'all ever noticed that this man does not age?....photo below courtesy of Big Daddy
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Then I noticed that the uber-sexy Lexx had posted a video from DJ/producer Mark Ronson, who revamped The Smiths tune "Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before". The vocals were provided by the cherubic Daniel Merriweather (International R&B star).
Normally, I hate when an artist remakes a Classic, but I'm loving this version....there's something very retro, and soulful about Merriweather's voice that changes the feel of the original, but I think Morrisey himself would approve.....for real: Daniel Merriweather is a cutie...check out them lickable lips!
:: Click on the title of the post to see the video ::
Monday, June 18, 2007
During this morning's staff meeting, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I positioned myself at the head of the conference table, so that I could stare at his profile, while our manager droned on about accounting issues or something....I was too busy studying this hunk of eye candy to be bothered with such trivial things. He's been dubbed "Intern C" by management....The 1st intern's name began with an "A", last year's intern's name began with a "B".....and now we have....yah, you guessed it....hardy har har!.....I'm going to be a rebel & refer to him as simply "C"....some of my favorite things begin with the letter 'C', such as: Christmas, cash, cock, chimichanga, charity, cock, Champagne, cupcake, cock, cheeseburger, chanclas, cock...but I digress...
I was in the middle of a fantasy, wherein I was reclining in bed...nude, with a perfectly sculpted body, lounging atop navy blue satin sheets...(color of the sheets was chosen by my gay subconscious, to match the shade of C's blue eyes), when somewhere out in the ether of the mundane world, my name was being called:
"so when can we expect to have preliminary numbers, Chris?"...
Damn!....the fantasy was just starting to heat up too....C was about to feed me some "meat"....in the mouth, not the other hole, you dirty, dirty people!
C is straight & very shy....it's really going to be challenging trying to bed him this summer...but I'm up for that challenge!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Papa stayed in the hospital Friday overnight (and boy was he pissed) for monitoring, but was released Saturday afternoon, after the tests showed no heart damage. His blood pressure was high, and this put Papa on a low cholesterol, low salt, & low fat diet.
Each time I visit my parents, my father seems to hug me a little tighter & holds me a little longer...I have to fight back the tears.
Sometimes I don't recognize today's Dad from my childhood Dad. The latter version was larger than life. He was a lion. He's Old School...a self-reliant, working class, emotion-is-a-sign-of-weakness macho man. He tried to retire a few years back, but almost went insane from "doing nothing". He now works at Wal-Mart part-time as a greeter/stocker/handy man and he loves it... I think when we do bury him, we'll have to pry the hammer & screwdriver from his hands.
The man that I took to dinner Sunday night is a gentle, mild man...His age is catching up to him, but he seems to be content...at peace with his world. This gives me comfort. Growing up, he always seemed to be so restless...and his anger was quick to ignite. He never hit me or my siblings (or Mama), but the threat of his fist or that look in his eyes was enough to make us shit our pants & snap us back in line.
I dreamt of his death Saturday night & woke up yelling "I'm not ready, I'm not ready"....I remember that dream clearly....and it's true...I'm not ready to say goodbye. I have too much more to learn from this man.
As I said goodbye Sunday night, he held my face & said: "Be careful out there...I love you". Fighting back the tears again, I returned the sentiment & then scolded him for over salting his eggs....I wanted to change the mood/subject quickly.
Happy Father's Day, to the only man that I've ever truly loved....and to all you Daddies out there!
Friday, June 15, 2007
I even witnessed some of it this morning, as a coworker & I went downstairs for a cuppa. She's been having marital problems lately. Her hubby also happens to work for the same company as us (he even works in the same building)....well, guess what?....we ran into him in the cafeteria as we were leaving. I felt really awkward as he asked her if she had a minute to talk and all she did was give him the "talk to the hand" gesture....she's retro like that...the look in his defeated eyes made me feel just awful for this guy.
I dunno, maybe I should be thankful that I'm single...I don't really have anyone to answer to but myself. But then again, maybe it's just part of the struggle that most have to go through to be in a committed relationship....perhaps going thru some rough days is needed to help you appreciate all of the good times....and with the right person, the fight is always worth it.
To all my friends, real or cyber, hang in there....this too shall pass. Have a great weekend, y'all!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Although, I'd have no problem with this man (may be NSFW) wearing that look....but without the chonies T-shirt please!...can I get an Amen?!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Friday night was Fine Dining at it's best....when I got home from work (late), I was in the mood for some California Cuisine....for real: El Pollo Loco makes a pretty good Chicken Burrito. I sucked it down faster than a coke-head snorts up his stash during a police raid....Tasty!
After a couple of drinks (Mojito & Margarita) it was time to put this booty to bed (sigh......alone). If you're ever in Long Beach, check out this hidden gem.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saturday, June 9, 2007
I love taking care of my little garden early in the day. The heat is bearable and the bees are minimal. As I stood in my yard, watering the lawn, I could sense another presence behind me...An intruder was watching me...I didn't want to turn around...I was afraid he'd get scared & take off.
The shadows his body cast gave away his presence. He was a little guy, and he was getting closer to me...Only moments earlier, he was in my neighbors yard, snooping around...I saw him, but acted as if I hadn't.
When he was about 10 feet behind my back, I turned around to let him know that I was aware of him....He was exotic looking....fierce & brave despite his small size. He boldly moved closer to me...
For a brief moment, he was all up in my grill, looking at me directly in the eyes....and then he dropped down towards my crotch. His long nose pointing at my family jewels. I was wondering if the neighbors were watching. To be honest, I was hoping that they were. I even hoped that they were snapping photos or better yet, filming the two of us.
I knew what he wanted from me, and I was eager to give it to him...Too excited to speak, I said nothing the entire time we danced this dance...he must've figured out that he could trust me as he dove in for what he was here for...
This beautiful ruby throated hummingbird splished & splashed in the water that was coming out of the garden hose's nozzle, defying gravity & laughing at physics. When he was finished giving himself an aerial shower, he took a sip of water, flew back up to my face & looked at me, as if to say "thanks for the water"....and then he flew off.
So typical of the men in my life: get me excited, use me for what you want, and then fly away!
Friday, June 8, 2007
After filling out the necessary paperwork last night, the receptionist told me that Dr. Bisson was ready for me. It didn't dawn on me that Dr. Bisson was also DJ Mark Bisson, the very, very, very sexy DJ (you did notice his pic above, yes?) who performed at this year's Long Beach Pride. I think I froze a little, when I first saw him standing there in his snug fitting clothes....Such a hot bod! The man is so friendly, charming, and did I mention sexy? Sadly, he didn't fondle me, even though I dropped trou as soon as the exam room door closed...I kid!.....but I am now kicking myself for not getting to this office sooner!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
After I paid for my water, he told me: "thanks for stopping by, see you soon"...I thought to myself: "damn straight!"......I think I'm in love y'all!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
:: Just released from the Draft Vaults ::
A few weeks back, on a Sunday night, I ventured to a local gay bar......by myself....gasp!....I haven't done that in ages. Lookit, my house was clean, I was horny as hell, there was nothing on TV, my friends were all busy, and truth be told: I really wanted to get my drinky-drink on!....and I was not about to dirty a glass...my poop chute kitchen was closed....So I headed on over to the Silver Fox. I just wanted to be surrounded by my kind for a little while & have a drink....or 2.
I walked into a pretty crowded bar (for a Sunday night). I was expecting only a handful of barflys to be glued to their barstools.....but you know how the 'Mos like to stretch the weekend out as long as possible.....(guilty).
Anyhoo, at one point in the evening, the DJ was playing a song that I had never heard before...this tune had my head bopping & my booty dropping. It was obviously a remix of something that started to sound vaguely familiar, but I never figured out what the name of the song was. I was about to ask the DJ, but there was a gayggle surrounding his tiny booth, squealing very loudly.....so I kept busting my moves to this mystery jam.
I just heard the song in question on my radio.......Horror of all Horrors!....the song is Popozao, by Kevin Federline...I just heard the radio version, but recognized certain mixed parts from that Sunday night....have you heard it? It's such a lame song......totally sucks ass, and not in the good way. That remix I heard was done by a DJ with some serious skills, yo...I feel so tricked & cheated....and usually I only feel that way when it comes to relationships, not music.....gasp!
[same Sunday night as noted above - - yes, at the same bar]........as I was working on my 2nd Whiskey Sour, this Filipino guy (who'd been cruising me since I walked in) came up to me & said: "you're a very handsome man"....I said "Thanks, you too" (I wasn't lying...I'm guessing that he was north of 50, and was in great shape...but I wasn't into him) .....then he said it again. I thanked him again, and turned in the opposite direction (I wasn't looking to hook up & he really wasn't my type).
Then he started to rub my shoulders (day-um he was good at it too)....and whispered in my ear: "you're a very handsome man".....AGAIN (!!)....at this point I was so tempted to pull up my t-shirt, point to my gut, and ask: "oh yeah?....how do you like them apples?"......but I'm so damn
fake classy, that I just patted him on the shoulders and told him that he didn't have to keep saying that.
He asked me if I had a BF, and I said yes, and that I needed to leave soon or else he'd start to worry. He then asked if he could take me back to his place to "eat me up"....
...ummm...WTF???!!!.......I told him that that sounded a little scary & "no". He LOL'd and started to rub my shoulders again....this man had magic fingers, but I wasn't attracted to him & he was really starting to bug me.
I think that Baby Jebus was sending me a sign that it was time to go nighty-night. So, after sucking every drop of whiskey out of the ice cubes, I turned to my admirer, hugged him & told him "good night". ...he whispered in my other ear: "maybe next time, I can have you for dessert".....I made a "Is You Crazy?" face at him and left. ......I never knew that Gay Cannibals were attracted to me? Must be all of the winter weight I'm carrying....hmmmm...yet another reason to get in shape!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Last Saturday afternoon, I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3, at the El Capitan theater in Hollywood. My friend received an offer from American Express for VIP seats, so we took them up on the offer. For a $24.00 ticket, you go online to pre-select your seats (balcony, left-of- center stage, thank you), you receive a bucket of popcorn & a 20 oz bottle of soda, and you don't wait in line like all of the other common folk. I have to say, that it's so nice not to have to smuggle in your sodas and none of your friends has to go in drag....you know, to carry the oversized bag to fit all of the sodas and candy.
If you're in the L.A. area & are planning on seeing this movie soon, I highly recommend watching the movie at the El Capitan. This theater dates back to 1926, and has been beautifully restored, as an exclusive first run theatre for Walt Disney Pictures. The movie was pretty good, overall. There were a lot of double crossing and subplots, and some parts did drag, but the visuals were stunning. My only complaint was the Caribbean woman's accent was so damn strong, at times I had no idea what she was saying.
Celebrity sighting: upon entering the restaurant, I noticed a wee little man sitting at the table near the entrance. I noticed him immediately, because he looked like a little boy tipping back a gigantic glass of red wine. My friend recognized him as Deep Roy, the actor that played the Oompa Loompa in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory....six degrees of separation from Johnny Depp, indeed.
Friday, June 1, 2007
After about 15 seconds of my mental freaking out & it occurs to me that, just maybe, the calibration of the scale was off....so I set the scale to zero, and yes, thank you Jebus, some asshat had adjusted the scale by several pounds. I tried to adjust it back, but the damn thing wasn't cooperating. So at this point, I clapped my hands & shouted: "Oy, Shop boy!" I called the guy at the front desk over for help.
The guy that comes over is probably barely a day over 18 (with a body that is nothing short of amazing), and is a mouth breather. I was so tempted to reach up and fondle his rather plump package and close his mouth. I explained to him what's wrong with the scale and he tells me: "dude, all the scales are like that.....it's to allow for the weight of the heavy metal part that you stand on.".....I disagreed & he continued to try to convince me that he's right.....after a quick look around the lobby, I see that it's just the 2 of us.
He won't listen to reason and frankly, with him standing so close to me, bulging in all the right places, I'm getting a little turned on.....so I decide to thank him for his 'help' and head on home....I should probably wait until the end of the week to weigh in anyway.
As I make my way toward my car, I can't help but wonder: Why are the pretty ones always dumb as hell?