Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Tricked Out Bumble Bee

Some pictures of the giant Transformer robot that is now standing in one of the streets in Westwood, for the LA film festival. I think I was just way too cool (read: old) for this show when it was popular....although I'm looking forward to the movie, cuz I'm geeky like that!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Marrying Kind

In today's mail, I found a wedding invitation. The wedding is for the daughter of an ex-coworker, whom I still keep in touch with...It seems that after 3 bastard children, the 20-year olds have decided to 'do the right thing' & marry....I have never met the bride nor the groom, so I'm debating on whether I should go or not.

On the downside, I'd have to endure sitting at a table full of strangers for a few hours...and then there's the Catholic wedding service....we're talking a couple of hours of kneeling, standing, kneeling, Peace Be With You, etc...

On the upside, I'd be getting a free meal...well, it'll cost me a purchase from Big Lots (oh relax...I'd switch gift tags before I left the reception!) & I could buy me a snazzy new outfit for the doomed, err...happy event.

So, I did a little online window shopping tonight for possible outfit choices...the designer? Dolce & Gabbana (Spring 2008) of course....speaking of D&G....these 2 sneaks stole MY IDEA right out from under me...that's what I get for procrastinating!

Anyhoo...I thought the following choice might work, but I'm a little concerned that I might be taking away attention from the bride who (has the nerve to be) will be wearing white:

Did I mention that the reception is going to be held at a beach house?...right on the beach, so now I'm thinking about going a little bit more casual....Here's 2 more these come off as TOO gay?

You did notice all of the Roman sandals, yes?...that's right....MY IDEA!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Ringing Just Won't Stop!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you show up to work & realize that you forgot to shower slap on some hair product. The top of my head looks like a squirrel is napping...[ :: sigh :: ]

My job is kicking my butt right now, as we're working on a huge project & deadlines are fast approaching....I even worked a 1/2 day on Saturday, and that never happens. My email inbox is overflowing with constant last minute changes & the damn phone just won't stop ringing....I'm taking a long lunch now & I'll have my phone set on Do Not Disturb, for just a little too long...oops!

I've been working on the '8 Things About Me' meme, that I've been tagged with, but only have 4 done...damn this job...always getting in the way of my Blog life!

Just wanted to post something today & say:

Heh Heh He-looo!

Bonus points awarded to the first person to identify what 1995 movie that's's a clue: the star of that movie's initials are PP.

Update: Congrats to Synrgy for correctly answering my bit o' on, Gurl!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

New Glasses

The new frames finally arrived...and they are tight; as in: I need a pill to deal with the pressure these bitches are putting on my temples...not as in: yo, dem frames is tight, son!

This is the first pair that I'm truly happy with & I don't feel like I settled this time. The frames are everything I want to be : lightweight & black.

I'm looking a little angry/constipated here, I know...Please be kind.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Oh The People You'll Meet

I spent a couple of hours last night beating off to random on-line porn doing laundry. Now, in order to be down with my people, to be one of the bourgeoisie, I did it at my local laundromat (the laundry, not the beating off).

It's sad but true...I do not own a washer/dryer. Ever since I fired my Houseboy (for performance issues), I've had to leave my house for a BJ wash my own damn skid marks out of my tighty-whities...

I've been putting off buying a washer/dryer ever since I moved into my new digs last October. Truthfully, I really don't mind schlepping my laundry for a couple blocks to the laundromat. I can get all of my clothes/towels/"pleasure rags", etc washed, dried & folded within 1.5 hours.

Back in the day, I would spend most of my Sundays doing laundry...pretty much all afternoon.
Another benefit of doing my wash at the 'mat is all of the people watching I get to do. Here's a sampling of a couple folks that I passed judgement on noticed last night:

The Flirt
This 20-something mother of a 2 year old little girl was so entertaining to watch. Here's a visual: 4"10"...175 lbs (I'm being conservative)...Latina with dark skin & blonde hair (why oh why do my people think this combo looks good??....only RuPaul can pull off this look!), "white" wife beater that was being stretched in so many unnatural directions, and the show stopper was the pink sweat pants with the word "F L I R T" across the butt. Oh, child....those pants were about 6 inches too long & they had such a hard time keeping your stomach(s) covered up.....and, NO, you flirty thing, I did not need to see your ass crack, but thanks anyway...Normally, I wouldn't say such awful things about someone who has a hard time walking away from the Chalupa, but she was such a mean bitch to her little girl....yup, she pissed me off.... The 2 year old was a real cutie...she looked like a little sprite child & was the most well-behaved child I've seen in a long time. She sat in a laundry trolley the entire time I was there. Those metal bars had to be uncomfortable, and every time she moved a little her mother yelled at her to "stop moving!!".....I was so tempted to tell her that I was impressed at how well her daughter behaves, but I was afraid she'd catch hell for "showing off" or something....I think she's just jealous/bitter that her baby is everything she isn't : thin & cute.

The Dumb Jock
There's this beefy Aberzombie type of jock that I see here once in awhile. So damn hot with medium brown hair, green eyes, & a ridiculously perfect body. The poor thing has no idea that he's supposed to separate his clothes & not just throw them all (whites mixed with darks) into one machine. This one also has a problem with his sweat pants staying up, but I have no issues with this....I only wish he'd stop wearing boxers & go commando for a change! He spoke to me once. He asked me "where do the quarters go in the machine?"....I had to explain to him that this laundromat uses prepaid money cards that you add money to, as needed. He followed me around the place with his hot breath only inches from my neck...yes, a mouth breather...I'd love to love him long time, but he seems to have a rash down there, and he's straight (he brought his chick with him once), and I get a feeling that he just isn't into flabby homos.....sigh!

Well, there you have it...would you be my, could you be neighbor?!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Can I Borrow $3000?

Prince will be performing 7 intimate concerts at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, in Los Angeles, starting June 23. Prince will perform two-hour sets for select audiences of 200 people in the hotel's Blossom Room. Following each show, the singer is expected to play late-night impromptu sets with his jazz band. Along with June 23, confirmed dates thus far are June 24 and 28-30.

Here's the kicker....Standing-room-only tickets will cost you $312.10...yes, that's right.....a lucky 70 people will have the opportunity to snatch up these tickets, so that their ass can stand at the back of the room for a couple of hours and bop along to the music (wear comfy shoes)...

The remaining 130 seats will be sold in pairs as VIP packages, offering fans dinner and seated show access for $3,121 (for 2 seats).....say what?.....does that come with a BJ from Prince himself?

In case you're wondering what's up with the odd $ amounts, the price points were chosen to match Prince's latest album title, "3121"....cute, no? (!)

What you get for standing room ticket (general admission):

  • Access to pre-concert party in the Historic Lobby Bar at 7:30pm and admission into the Blossom Ballroom at 9:30pm.
  • That's it.

What you get for mortgage payment ticket (reserve seating):

  • 7:30pm prefixed dinner @ The Dakota restaurant prepared by Prince’s personal chef, followed by the exclusive Prince concert in the Blossom Ballroom. Tax, gratuity & parking are not included.
  • Seating for the concert begins at 9:00pm for Blossom Ballroom show.
  • Access to the Jazz Session in the Historic Lobby following concert (general admission seating).

If money wasn't an issue (i.e., someone else was paying for the tix), I wouldn't mind seeing one of his shows...

...and have y'all ever noticed that this man does not age? below courtesy of Big Daddy

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Can't Stop the Funk

Over the weekend I was checking out some videos on YouTube....the usual hunt for 80's videos that I particular The Smiths/Morrissey....awww Morrisey....the hair, those nerdy, yet so sexy!

Then I noticed that the uber-sexy Lexx had posted a video from DJ/producer Mark Ronson, who revamped The Smiths tune "Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before". The vocals were provided by the cherubic Daniel Merriweather (International R&B star).

Normally, I hate when an artist remakes a Classic, but I'm loving this version....there's something very retro, and soulful about Merriweather's voice that changes the feel of the original, but I think Morrisey himself would approve.....for real: Daniel Merriweather is a cutie...check out them lickable lips!

:: Click on the title of the post to see the video ::

Monday, June 18, 2007

An Internal Affair

Each summer, our department hires a summer intern. Our new intern started today. I'm in love with him. Well, maybe lust is more like it. He's tall (around 5'10"....yes, Bitches that's tall to me), has strawberry blonde hair, a strong aquiline nose, big meaty hands, piercing blue eyes, a strong jawline, supple lips, biceps that were trying to escape from his button down, and the booty?....Boo-ty-licious! I was soooo tempted to throw a quarter at his back cheeks to see how high it would bounce.

During this morning's staff meeting, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I positioned myself at the head of the conference table, so that I could stare at his profile, while our manager droned on about accounting issues or something....I was too busy studying this hunk of eye candy to be bothered with such trivial things. He's been dubbed "Intern C" by management....The 1st intern's name began with an "A", last year's intern's name began with a "B".....and now we have....yah, you guessed it....hardy har har!.....I'm going to be a rebel & refer to him as simply "C"....some of my favorite things begin with the letter 'C', such as: Christmas, cash, cock, chimichanga, charity, cock, Champagne, cupcake, cock, cheeseburger, chanclas, cock...but I digress...

I was in the middle of a fantasy, wherein I was reclining in bed...nude, with a perfectly sculpted body, lounging atop navy blue satin sheets...(color of the sheets was chosen by my gay subconscious, to match the shade of C's blue eyes), when somewhere out in the ether of the mundane world, my name was being called:

"so when can we expect to have preliminary numbers, Chris?"...

Damn!....the fantasy was just starting to heat up too....C was about to feed me some "meat" the mouth, not the other hole, you dirty, dirty people!

C is straight & very's really going to be challenging trying to bed him this summer...but I'm up for that challenge!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day!

Our family had a minor scare this weekend. My Dad was complaining of chest pains on Friday night, but said that it was just indigestion. He had a heart attack a few years back, so when my Mom & brother saw him again clenching his chest & swearing in Spanish, they drove him (against his will) to the local ER.

Papa stayed in the hospital Friday overnight (and boy was he pissed) for monitoring, but was released Saturday afternoon, after the tests showed no heart damage. His blood pressure was high, and this put Papa on a low cholesterol, low salt, & low fat diet.

Each time I visit my parents, my father seems to hug me a little tighter & holds me a little longer...I have to fight back the tears.

Sometimes I don't recognize today's Dad from my childhood Dad. The latter version was larger than life. He was a lion. He's Old School...a self-reliant, working class, emotion-is-a-sign-of-weakness macho man. He tried to retire a few years back, but almost went insane from "doing nothing". He now works at Wal-Mart part-time as a greeter/stocker/handy man and he loves it... I think when we do bury him, we'll have to pry the hammer & screwdriver from his hands.

The man that I took to dinner Sunday night is a gentle, mild man...His age is catching up to him, but he seems to be peace with his world. This gives me comfort. Growing up, he always seemed to be so restless...and his anger was quick to ignite. He never hit me or my siblings (or Mama), but the threat of his fist or that look in his eyes was enough to make us shit our pants & snap us back in line.

I dreamt of his death Saturday night & woke up yelling "I'm not ready, I'm not ready"....I remember that dream clearly....and it's true...I'm not ready to say goodbye. I have too much more to learn from this man.

As I said goodbye Sunday night, he held my face & said: "Be careful out there...I love you". Fighting back the tears again, I returned the sentiment & then scolded him for over salting his eggs....I wanted to change the mood/subject quickly.

Happy Father's Day, to the only man that I've ever truly loved....and to all you Daddies out there!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Something in the Water?

Maybe it's the weather....I don't really know, but an unusually high number of my real world friends (the real people in my world, not the MTV young'ns ), as well as some of my on-line buds are going through some ugly stuff right now emotionally...and it's all related to their current or past significant others.

I even witnessed some of it this morning, as a coworker & I went downstairs for a cuppa. She's been having marital problems lately. Her hubby also happens to work for the same company as us (he even works in the same building)....well, guess what?....we ran into him in the cafeteria as we were leaving. I felt really awkward as he asked her if she had a minute to talk and all she did was give him the "talk to the hand" gesture....she's retro like that...the look in his defeated eyes made me feel just awful for this guy.

I dunno, maybe I should be thankful that I'm single...I don't really have anyone to answer to but myself. But then again, maybe it's just part of the struggle that most have to go through to be in a committed relationship....perhaps going thru some rough days is needed to help you appreciate all of the good times....and with the right person, the fight is always worth it.

To all my friends, real or cyber, hang in there....this too shall pass. Have a great weekend, y'all!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Vested Dis-Interest

I've been noticing a new trend in men's fashion around L.A lately.....The Look: wearing a white T-shirt under a vintage (satin-backed) know, the kind of vest that you'd normally wear under a suit (30 years ago).....other versions of this look include: wearing a necktie with the t-shirt vest combo....or wearing a polo (white or colored) under the vest....I don't get it....I did this look back in the day (cough, 1984, cough), and looking back, it really looked kinda lame...If this is what I have to look forward to this summer, I say: Feh!

Although, I'd have no problem with this man (may be NSFW) wearing that look....but without the chonies T-shirt please!...can I get an Amen?!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Mid-Week Weekend Recap

Ok, so this is about 2 days late...Bite me...gently.

Friday night was Fine Dining at it's best....when I got home from work (late), I was in the mood for some California Cuisine....for real: El Pollo Loco makes a pretty good Chicken Burrito. I sucked it down faster than a coke-head snorts up his stash during a police raid....Tasty!

A good friend called and wanted to come over to show me what his thick 7" cock could do for me hang out. So, we chilled at my pad & after a glass of wine, we decided to head out to see a movie. We were both in the mood to see either Hostel II or 28 Weeks Later, but we got to the theater too late. Option #2 was to walk on over to Tantalum in the Marina Pacifica for some Extremely Gay Tropical drinks. The Pan/Poly- Asian restaurant is visually stunning, beginning with the winding pathway and ending in the Loo. After 10:30 or so, the place becomes a hot spot for the straight folk, with a DJ spinning ambient/trance. The bar is gigantic & snakes around a wall of glass, that looks out onto the Marina. For real: the Calamari that we ordered was Dee-Lish! FYI: calamari really gets me "in the mood" for some reason....If you wanna get me to bed, just feed me your lies about your cock size & net worth calamari, but I digress...

After a couple of drinks (Mojito & Margarita) it was time to put this booty to bed (sigh......alone). If you're ever in Long Beach, check out this hidden gem.

Saturday night I was treated to dinner at Campanile. This has been on my "list of restaurants to eat at before I die". This place was originally built in 1929 by Charlie Chaplin, (to be used as office space) but he lost the building to his wife in the divorce settlement. In the late 80's, the building was outfitted as a restaurant & bakery (La Brea Bakery). The actual restaurant felt & looked like you were actually in a restaurant that was created by adding a (mainly) glass ceiling between the space that separated two buildings. The food was unreal. I had Yellowtail, but it tasted like juicy chicken. The food here is ex-pen-sivo! My plate alone was $28 & let's face it, it was basically fish on top of some chorizo (about 5 small crumbled pieces) and a few carrots. Most plates were north of $30....but I wasn't paying, so I even gave in to dessert....shut up, it was stone fruit with a smidge of raspberry sorbet....FYI, stone fruit is fancy talk for any fruit with a stone looking pit (peach, apricot, nectarine, etc..)

It was L.A. Pride last weekend, so we decided to head on over to WeHo, to look at all of the pretty ones. Our first (& last ) stop was O-Bar. J'adore the O. For a Saturday night, the place was dead....we only stayed for 2 drinks. Apple-Ginger Martini (my fave) & a Peach Martini...after these 2 drinks, a full belly, and 1/2 a bottle of wine in me, it was time to head home....for some under the sheets action y'all...that's right, Daddy got some loving!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Disorder In The Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts. They are things that people actually said in court, word for word, taken down & now published by the court reporters who had the torment of staying calm, while these exchanges were actually taking place....

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Caption This...

...because words just escape me!

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Saturday Morning Hummer

I woke up early Saturday morning. I had a lot of manscaping to do errands to run, so there was no time to waste wallowing around in bed. Especially, since it was only me in the bed. So I jumped out of bed, morning "wood" be damned, washed up and headed outside to water the garden.

I love taking care of my little garden early in the day. The heat is bearable and the bees are minimal. As I stood in my yard, watering the lawn, I could sense another presence behind me...An intruder was watching me...I didn't want to turn around...I was afraid he'd get scared & take off.

The shadows his body cast gave away his presence. He was a little guy, and he was getting closer to me...Only moments earlier, he was in my neighbors yard, snooping around...I saw him, but acted as if I hadn't.

When he was about 10 feet behind my back, I turned around to let him know that I was aware of him....He was exotic looking....fierce & brave despite his small size. He boldly moved closer to me...

For a brief moment, he was all up in my grill, looking at me directly in the eyes....and then he dropped down towards my crotch. His long nose pointing at my family jewels. I was wondering if the neighbors were watching. To be honest, I was hoping that they were. I even hoped that they were snapping photos or better yet, filming the two of us.

I knew what he wanted from me, and I was eager to give it to him...Too excited to speak, I said nothing the entire time we danced this dance...he must've figured out that he could trust me as he dove in for what he was here for...

This beautiful ruby throated hummingbird splished & splashed in the water that was coming out of the garden hose's nozzle, defying gravity & laughing at physics. When he was finished giving himself an aerial shower, he took a sip of water, flew back up to my face & looked at me, as if to say "thanks for the water"....and then he flew off.

So typical of the men in my life: get me excited, use me for what you want, and then fly away!

Friday, June 8, 2007

Last Night A DJ Saved My Sight

I had my annual eye exam last night. There's this great little Optometry office a short distance from my home, that I've been wanting to check out for awhile...Last week, I walked in to see if they had frames that would fit my giant melon head appeal to my stylish sensibilities. I knew a 'mo must be running the show, as I saw nothing but Prada, D&G, Fendi, Gucci, etc. frames on the shelves. Oh, and there were also recent copies of The Advocate & Out magazines scattered about on the end tables, in the waiting I went ahead & booked me an appointment.

After filling out the necessary paperwork last night, the receptionist told me that Dr. Bisson was ready for me. It didn't dawn on me that Dr. Bisson was also DJ Mark Bisson, the very, very, very sexy DJ (you did notice his pic above, yes?) who performed at this year's Long Beach Pride. I think I froze a little, when I first saw him standing there in his snug fitting clothes....Such a hot bod! The man is so friendly, charming, and did I mention sexy? Sadly, he didn't fondle me, even though I dropped trou as soon as the exam room door closed...I kid!.....but I am now kicking myself for not getting to this office sooner!

I know you're all concerned, so I'll tell you that my vision has pretty much stayed the same, since my last checkup (last year) Martha would say: "that's a good thing".
I must've tried on 50 pair of frames, and the ones that I chose were actually the cheapest...they're some no-name brand that I really like....I guess I'm not a Label Whore after all!...I'll post pics of my new glasses, when they're ready sometime next week.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Eastern Attraction

There's a gas station/convenience store that's within walking distance of my house, that's owned by an Indian family (as in: from India - - not America). I've only started to stop by here recently to buy gas or pick up some rubbers gum. The family that owns this joint are all attractive. The first time I saw the mother, I was tempted to tell her that she's too damn pretty to be standing behind a cash register. She's tall, late 40's, fair skinned & just classically beautiful......yes, I'm still a big 'mo, but I know what pretty looks like, and mama has it going on. I've also met the father & one his sons....both attractive & very friendly.

Last night (after my gym workout -- FYI), I stopped in for some H-to-the-2-to-the-O, and got to meet the younger son....Holy Vishnu!...I have never seen a buff Indian before. This guy looked like an Indian version of Mario Lopez. Picture this: tall, muscular, spiky gelled hair, stylish black glasses, dimpled cheeks, all stuffed into a tight pair of Diesel jeans & an A+F (tight) T-shirt.......hmmm....there's a chance that he just may be "family" (translation: a big Queer) Americanized as he was, it was cute to hear him speak with an Indian accent.....I swear, I walked out of there with a semi-woody.

After I paid for my water, he told me: "thanks for stopping by, see you soon"...I thought to myself: "damn straight!"......I think I'm in love y'all!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Eat Me Up!

:: Just released from the Draft Vaults ::

A few weeks back, on a Sunday night, I ventured to a local gay myself....gasp!....I haven't done that in ages. Lookit, my house was clean, I was horny as hell, there was nothing on TV, my friends were all busy, and truth be told: I really wanted to get my drinky-drink on!....and I was not about to dirty a poop chute kitchen was closed....So I headed on over to the Silver Fox. I just wanted to be surrounded by my kind for a little while & have a drink....or 2.

I walked into a pretty crowded bar (for a Sunday night). I was expecting only a handful of barflys to be glued to their barstools.....but you know how the 'Mos like to stretch the weekend out as long as possible.....(guilty).

Anyhoo, at one point in the evening, the DJ was playing a song that I had never heard before...this tune had my head bopping & my booty dropping. It was obviously a remix of something that started to sound vaguely familiar, but I never figured out what the name of the song was. I was about to ask the DJ, but there was a gayggle surrounding his tiny booth, squealing very I kept busting my moves to this mystery jam.

I just heard the song in question on my radio.......Horror of all Horrors!....the song is Popozao, by Kevin Federline...I just heard the radio version, but recognized certain mixed parts from that Sunday night....have you heard it? It's such a lame song......totally sucks ass, and not in the good way. That remix I heard was done by a DJ with some serious skills, yo...I feel so tricked & cheated....and usually I only feel that way when it comes to relationships, not music.....gasp!

Side Story
[same Sunday night as noted above - - yes, at the same bar] I was working on my 2nd Whiskey Sour, this Filipino guy (who'd been cruising me since I walked in) came up to me & said: "you're a very handsome man"....I said "Thanks, you too" (I wasn't lying...I'm guessing that he was north of 50, and was in great shape...but I wasn't into him) .....then he said it again. I thanked him again, and turned in the opposite direction (I wasn't looking to hook up & he really wasn't my type).

Then he started to rub my shoulders (day-um he was good at it too)....and whispered in my ear: "you're a very handsome man".....AGAIN (!!) this point I was so tempted to pull up my t-shirt, point to my gut, and ask: "oh yeah? do you like them apples?"......but I'm so damn
fake classy, that I just patted him on the shoulders and told him that he didn't have to keep saying that.

He asked me if I had a BF, and I said yes, and that I needed to leave soon or else he'd start to worry. He then asked if he could take me back to his place to "eat me up"....

...ummm...WTF???!!!.......I told him that that sounded a little scary & "no". He LOL'd and started to rub my shoulders again....this man had magic fingers, but I wasn't attracted to him & he was really starting to bug me.

I think that Baby Jebus was sending me a sign that it was time to go nighty-night. So, after sucking every drop of whiskey out of the ice cubes, I turned to my admirer, hugged him & told him "good night". ...he whispered in my other ear: "maybe next time, I can have you for dessert".....I made a "Is You Crazy?" face at him and left. ......I never knew that Gay Cannibals were attracted to me? Must be all of the winter weight I'm carrying....hmmmm...yet another reason to get in shape!

Monday, June 4, 2007

All About Johnny

Last Saturday afternoon, I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3, at the El Capitan theater in Hollywood. My friend received an offer from American Express for VIP seats, so we took them up on the offer. For a $24.00 ticket, you go online to pre-select your seats (balcony, left-of- center stage, thank you), you receive a bucket of popcorn & a 20 oz bottle of soda, and you don't wait in line like all of the other common folk. I have to say, that it's so nice not to have to smuggle in your sodas and none of your friends has to go in know, to carry the oversized bag to fit all of the sodas and candy.

If you're in the L.A. area & are planning on seeing this movie soon, I highly recommend watching the movie at the El Capitan. This theater dates back to 1926, and has been beautifully restored, as an exclusive first run theatre for Walt Disney Pictures. The movie was pretty good, overall. There were a lot of double crossing and subplots, and some parts did drag, but the visuals were stunning. My only complaint was the Caribbean woman's accent was so damn strong, at times I had no idea what she was saying.

Dinner was had at Amalfi Ristorante a short drive away, located at the northern edge of the "La Brea Restaurant Row" area. Amalfi is co-owned by Adam Carolla (talk show host, radio personality, etc), and there's a jazz club located upstairs, that really started to get jumping once we were finished with dinner...I'm not into jazz, so we didn't check it out.

We were about 30 minutes early for our reservations, but they sat us immediately. Great service, amazing food at affordable prices, and a real Italian homestyle vibe (no attitude, despite all of the beautiful people here) are all reasons for me to come back. I also loved the exposed wood beams and the fireplace, which helped to make for a romantic setting...alas, the only thing I ended up getting romantic with was my Gnocchi dinner....mmm mmm good!

Celebrity sighting: upon entering the restaurant, I noticed a wee little man sitting at the table near the entrance. I noticed him immediately, because he looked like a little boy tipping back a gigantic glass of red wine. My friend recognized him as Deep Roy, the actor that played the Oompa Loompa in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory....six degrees of separation from Johnny Depp, indeed.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Weigh Off

Imagine how badly I wanted to scream like a little biotch, pick up the scale & throw it through the wall of windows, when the weight scale at Bally's said that I gained 4 lbs in less than a week! All of the discipline & self-control over food for what? I've sweated buckets on the treadmill & elliptical machines, only to GAIN weight???....WTF!!!???

After about 15 seconds of my mental freaking out & it occurs to me that, just maybe, the calibration of the scale was I set the scale to zero, and yes, thank you Jebus, some asshat had adjusted the scale by several pounds. I tried to adjust it back, but the damn thing wasn't cooperating. So at this point, I clapped my hands & shouted: "Oy, Shop boy!" I called the guy at the front desk over for help.

The guy that comes over is probably barely a day over 18 (with a body that is nothing short of amazing), and is a mouth breather. I was so tempted to reach up and fondle his rather plump package and close his mouth. I explained to him what's wrong with the scale and he tells me: "dude, all the scales are like's to allow for the weight of the heavy metal part that you stand on.".....I disagreed & he continued to try to convince me that he's right.....after a quick look around the lobby, I see that it's just the 2 of us.

He won't listen to reason and frankly, with him standing so close to me, bulging in all the right places, I'm getting a little turned I decide to thank him for his 'help' and head on home....I should probably wait until the end of the week to weigh in anyway.

As I make my way toward my car, I can't help but wonder: Why are the pretty ones always dumb as hell?