Thursday, August 30, 2007

Flash & Boom

Around 2:00 this morning, I was awoken by random flashes of bright light & a whole lot of grumbling....no, it wasn't my hungry tummy complaining that the rustic, yet gourmet PB&J sammich I nibbled on (7 hours earlier) wasn't enough to keep me satisfied....maybe I was dreaming.....or maybe I was having a stroke...

Worried, I started to pray to Zeus Vishnu Buddha the Little Baby Jebus: Please, if I'm about to be stricken down with a stroke, please show some compassion & let it only paralyze my left side of the body....I need the use of my right hand...to umm....turn the pages of the Bible & write all of those tithing checks to my local synagogue mosque church.

Silly me, I wasn't having a stroke at all....it was Thundering 'n Lightning....gasp....in L.A.???....during the summer?....well, it only rained a little bit....not even enough to wash my filthy car ....oh well.... I only hope that we'd get a little more of it, as we're pretty much in a drought condition right now.

So I'm about to look the gift horse in the mouth here & say: "damn you rain gods....you kept me up all night & only allowed me to have 4 hours sleep, but thanks for listening to my prayer....my right hand appreciates it".

Monday, August 27, 2007

Cinespia


So, the week-long vacation is over, and I'd be lying if I said that I was happy to be back at work. I really didn't do much last week, and that's just what I wanted: a week of laying around, reading books & blogs, getting my drink on, and just simply recharging my internal batteries...

This past Saturday night, I finally did something that I've wanted to do in a long time....I gave myself an enema...oops....I meant to say that I finally attended Cinespia's weekly summer movie screening, hosted by The Hollywood Forever Cemetery...yup, I saw an old movie in a cemetary with about 1,200 other L.A. folk.

We showed up around 7:30, for the 8:30 screening of Hitchcock's, Notorious. The weather was perfect and we actually got great parking (VIP...cuz the regular lot was already full & the attendants were frustrated with all the cars gridlocked) & we even found a decent spot on the lawn...we brought a picnic lunch (as did everyone else) & a bottle of wine...there's also a local DJ spinning before & after the movie. I really had a fun time and the event had such a nice, friendly L.A. vibe....as cheesy as that sounds, it's true.

The cemetary is really beautiful, and I only wish that we had gotten there when the gates opened (at 7:00 pm), to walk around and look at all of the tombs, crypts, & mausoleums. FYI...this cemetary is the final resting spot for Rudolph Valentino, Douglas Fairbanks, and John Huston.

Next Saturday, they're screening "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane"....you should've Heard the queens in the audience gasp when they announced that.....and no, I didn't gasp!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Start Shopping Now!



As of today, there are only 122 more shopping days left until Dec 24th, the last day to buy that someone special a gift to celebrate the commercialized paganisitic birth of Baby Jebus Jesus.

In case you are wondering what YOU can buy ME this year, relax.....I'll be registering at either Crate & Barrel (cuz my home needs quality home shit) or Tiffany's (cuz I need a pinky ring with big ass diamonds on it, that I can also use as a weapon....oh, and cuz I'm gay....duh!)

Did y'all notice the pic of the poinsettia above? I snapped this pic at work...it belongs to our Admin person....It's from last Xmas & it refuses to die. Doesn't the goon that owns this plant know that on January 2nd, you must throw all poinsettias into the trash bin, or the compost heap if you're "Green"?....Isn't this an unspoken rule?

...btw, I almost got caught taking this pic, so y'all better appreciate what I do for my readers...all 3 of you!

Merry Christmas !

Thursday, August 23, 2007

You Turn Me On



Someone recently asked the question: "Do y’all have a ‘get dressed for the night out’ song"? ...and my answer to that question is the above Paul Oakenfold/Brittany Murphy collab of Faster Kill Pussycat....I know this is a little old, but hell, the song I used to play, as I scrubbed, rubbed, buffed, moisturized, then squeezed into jeans & prayed that my belt buckle would stay clasped shut was the following Oldie but Goodie.......(stop laughing):

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fire at Micky's



At about 4:30 pm Tuesday afternoon, a fire started at Micky's in WeHo, which quickly engulfed the upper part of the building. Dozens of firefighters showed up, closing down Santa Monica Blvd for several hours. The good news is that no one was seriously injured (one queen was rescued from the 2nd floor & sent to a local hospital, but he's ok), and neither of the adjacent businesses reported fire damages. Micky's is badly damaged...the upstairs suffered the most, but unlike Lindsay Lohan, Micky's is not a total loss.

I feel awful for the staff & especially for the Go-Go studs, who've depended on Micky's as a source of income...looking back, I now realize that I should've tipped the boys a little more.

In an ironic twist to this story, Micky's float at this year's Gay Pride Parade featured Go-Go dancers on a fire truck, with a banner that read: "Micky's - Flaming Gay Bar."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The (No) Cable Guy

Over the weekend, I didn't check out that Invasion movie, like I wanted to, as so many of my friends were telling me about how bad it was & the real movie critics tend to agree...so I guess I'll wait for it to come out on cable....speaking of cable TV: I had to have a technician come out to make repairs, yet again.

Someone came out last Tuesday, but on Friday it went out again. So a guy came over yesterday afternoon & just minutes before he arrived, the cable is restored. I was so f*ckin pissed...

I had him take a look at it anyway, and he found a bit of cable that had a tear in the outer protective layer. He replaced that bit of cable & it seemed to have fixed the problem. That is, until 10 p.m. last night when.....surprise....no cable!......FAAAACCCKKK!!!!

I have to tell y'all about the technician that came over yesterday. I really felt uncomfortable talking to him, because one of his eyes was dead...or lazy...so whenever I looked him in the eyes, I didn't know which eye to look into. He was one of the better techs that I've worked with so far, and I felt like a total ass when speaking to him, cuz my eyes kept switching between his eyes, desperately trying to figure out which one was the good eye...but I bet he gets that all the time.

So, yet another appointment is set up for tomorrow afternoon...third time's the charm (this month alone)...I'm going to request that they do an entire rewiring, from the street line to my cable box (which has also been replaced this year).

Current Mood: Frustrated!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Weekend Recap

Friday

Had dinner at La Palapa ... it's been years since I've had dinner there & boy have I missed it!...the highlight of the evening was seeing a gay couple Salsa dancing (and none of the straights got bent out of shape)...and then a lesbian couple got all jealous & shit and got up to dance too...another highlight was the Pina Colada....slurp!

Saturday

Went with my folks to Casino Morongo in Cabazon...the intention was to only spend a couple of hours there, but 8 hours later, the cigarette smoke was just too much for our delicate lungs, eyes, and hair follicles. Seriously, why can't they just ban smoking altogether? I would've spent way more hours (not to mention thrown away some of my savings) there. FYI, I'm a high roller y'all....yeah, that's right...I walked right by the penny machines and plopped my arse down at The Price is Right NICKEL slot machines (jealous?....don't hate!)

I did pretty good, gambling wise. Yeah, I was up $150, but then played my winnings & ended up with about $80 more in my pocket....not too shabby for Chris!

Sunday

Took my GBF out to dinner to celebrate his 38th birthday at Paradise, in Long Beach. I used to think that this was where all of the local Old Queens went to, but I was so wrong....I saw quite a few hot looking Queerlings in the bar at 7 p.m....for real, the bar was packed & I was looking forward to getting my after dinner drink(s) on. We both ordered steaks & my 12 oz Rib Eye was HUGE, so I saved half of it for Monday's breakfast...I really thought it was nice that they brought over a complimentary dessert & sang "Happy B-day" to my GBF, where I interjected "He's 42!!".....much to his chagrin, but at least it got the one waiters to look at him & say: "more like 32"...I think he may have gotten a little hard at that point.

If you're ever in the LBC, I highly recommend you check this place out for dinner or drinks (which were a little pricey -- $19 for 2 Martinis).

I'm on vacation all this week & I have absolutely NOTHING planned...but that's what I wanted...time to get caught up on some reading (blogs & books), and maybe a little shopping, with a whole lot of boozing as well!


P.S. : Jim, how did you know I was on vacation? Stalking me?...the answer better be "yes"!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Friday Favorite



Plum-A-Granate Diet Iced Tea


This is my latest obsession...so tasty & only 10 calories!...the problem is that I can only find it at a Chinese fast food place (Wok-n-Roll in Long Beach...mmm...their New Orleans fish is another favorite).

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The F Word

Last night at the gym, I overheard a converstion between 2 guys that were using the treadmills to my left (....to the left, to the left....). These boys looked to be about 18, maybe even younger...they were babbling on & on about some party that they went to last weekend, where apparently they both got "totally f*cked up"....The boys were obviously straight (poor fashion choices & really bad hair styles), but they kept throwing the word "gay" around quite a bit....an example: "I can't believe that Sarah hooked up with Jeff...that is so gay". Then the other commented that Jeff is "such a fag".

I don't know why, but hearing that word really bothers me. I'm a big homo, and I don't think I even use that word. To me, it's akin to the "N" word....both words are filled with such hatred & ignorance.... It's not even a matter of whether or not the person saying "fag" is gay or straight...it just makes my skin crawl whenever I hear it.

I've heard many discussions on how people (non-black people) think it's strange (or hypocritical) that some black people feel it's ok to call each other the "N" word, but if anyone non-black says it, then there's going to be trouble....I don't think it's strange at all .....when black people say it, it's more of a term of endearment....my sister's best friend is a black guy & they call each other "niggah" (even though she's a Latina, but whatevs)...or maybe it's a way for black people to turn that hateful word into a big "F*ck You" to all the assholes who've used it against them...

This sort of reverse racist labeling isn't limited to blacks....I have an Asian friend who calls some of his other Asian friends "Chink" & I also have Latino friends who call their buddies "Wetback"....and no one gets bent out of shape.

So if I understand that logic, why does it rub me the wrong way, whenever I hear someone say "fag"?...I dunno...words are pretty powerful.

Maybe I should just relax a bit & try to understand the context in how it's used and not trip when I hear it....or maybe I should just embrace that word & learn to appreciate myself for the Fagalicious Fag that I am!....hmmm..."fagalicious"...I should trademark that!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Invasion



I'm really looking forward to the next remake of this movie (release date is 08-17-07)....I saw the 1978 version, (starring Donald Sutherland) and was seriously freaked out for days. I just really hope that in this version, I get to see Daniel Craig naked & sweaty....(oh, screw the story line)....FYI, all of the movie versions of Invasion of the Body Snatchers were based on Jack Finney's novel, The Body Snatchers (originally published in Colliers magazine, in 1954).

Speaking of invasion, the weather was so perfect this past weekend, that all of L.A. decided to drive on down to Long Beach & clog up the streets with car traffic. Not only were there crazy amounts of cars cruising around, but the bicyclists were also out in full force. Now I want a Schwinn cruiser like the one in the pic below. I want to be that guy that rides his bike down the middle of the street, thinking he's a car, ignoring all of my honking ....and if he wasn't a hottie, I would've tapped his rear tire with my car's bumper.....but I digress.

Man, it's been a long time since I've had sex ridden a bike. My last bike was a Schwinn cruiser actually....it was candy apple red and I paid just over $200 for it.....the bike in the pic retails for $229.....I can't believe that the price hasn't skyrocketed since '97....I just wonder if I can still pull off sporting spandex biking shorts.



Friday, August 10, 2007

Barneys New York Warehouse Sale



Why is it that I always find out about THIS late? Such a bad homo am I...I better get over there quick, but I'm sure all of the good shit has already been picked through!

The above pic has absolutely nothing to do with the sale, but I added it to offset the hideous ones just below.....you're welcome!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Release The Kraken!


Perez Hilton



I guess he's doing his impression of Britney Spears here....did y'all notice the camel toe?

I've only been to his website once, and honestly, I don't understand why it's so popular...this is such a sad attempt at getting some attention....please tell me he's not really gay!....please!

Photo's courtesy of A Socialite's Life

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Freudian Slip

I just finished having an interesting conversation with a coworker (that I'm secretly in lust love with...shh!). He was supposed to have asked his mother for a recipe for Sangria that he swears is "out of this world"....This object of my perverted lust affection is in his late 20's, wise beyond his years, still lives at home with his parents, has a long distance relationship, is drop dead gorgeous, and he's straight (for now)....

When I asked him if he had a chance to get the recipe, he said that he didn't get a chance to talk to his mom last night ...she's a nurse & last night was one of her 12-hour shifts. He also said that he was holed up in his bedroom all night, surfing the net (for gay porn perhaps?), and that he "didn't want to come out of the CLOSET" when she got home...

As quickly as the words 'slipped' out of his mouth, he realized what he had just said & the boy looked seriously embarrassed & nervous. I said: "well, you gotta come out sometime"....he laughed it off, told me to shut up & go "back to my cage".....so feisty this one!

This morning, we made plans to grab lunch downstairs in the cafeteria, so after a few more jabs from me, he asked me if I was still interested in grabbing lunch....I told him I was even MORE interested now...more nervous laughter from him....as I licked my lips!

Now, I ask you: if he was truly straight, why would that "come out of the closet" phrase even be part of his vocab?....ah, who cares...give me a few more weeks (to lose more weight) to work on this one & he'll forget all about his OC chick.....hmm...the workplace is getting quite interesting lately.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

What a Great Day...

...to leave work early. The boss is out sick today (the power of prayer is real, y'all), I have nothing to do here anyway, and the weather is perfect for a beach visit. Methinks I may come down with a terrible sinus headache shortly after lunch.

You know, the day started off kinda shitty, when Mama called to ask me, out of the blue,: "why don't you get a job at Hyundai?"......uhhh...what?...why?

Apparently my brother's (22-year old) friend got a job there and they gave him a company car, a large office, and they even sent a houseplant to his apartment.....well, color me jealous (not). When I asked what this lucky young man does there, she said: "the same as you...business administration"....poor misinformed Mama has my degree confused with my occupation (lookin' fabulous & gettin' paid).

These kinds of suggestions are all too common from me Mum...she'll see a car that she thinks I'd like & then call me to ask why I'm not at the dealership purchasing it...For some reason, she really needs to have me "Keeping up with the Joneses"....I know her intentions are well meant, but sometimes I want to just yell back: ..."why can't you just be happy for me & all that I've accomplished?!"...but I don't....I was raised better than that.

But things are suddenly looking up, as the idea of leaving my office desk early continues to grow....see ya at the Beach!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Road Tripping

This past weekend, the GBF & I took a little getaway trip to the Santa Barbara wine country. Saint Babs is only about 2 hours north of Long Beach, so it's a real shame that I don't head up the coast more often. As soon as you're out of L.A. county, it feels like you're in the country. The flora (or is that fauna?) changes rapidly. Driving up the coast, I was snapping pics like crazy, but so many came out blurry....I really need to read up on how to snap pics whilst driving a fast moving vehicle.

After a quick lunch in Los Olivios, we hit up around 5 wineries....my favorite was Melville.

Here's a couple of wine tasting tips:
  • when you walk up to the wine tasting bar, look for the oldest, shakiest server, as they have a difficult time ending the pour, and you end up with a little more wine in your glass.
  • you can choose to split the wine tasting with your friend, so that you can visit more wineries (less wasted) and get to sample more wine than you normally would.
  • if you get a little hungry in between winery visits, feel free to snack on the vineyard grapes...We thought they'd be bitter, but in fact they're sweeter than table grapes.

We saw all kinds of animals on farms and in the wild: cows, horses, ostriches (ostrich farm that sold eggs & I'm guessing ostrich meat) , deer, hawks (lots of huge dark ones), and a farm that raised Shetland ponies...so cute...well, except for the one with the gigantic wang that looked like it'd been dragged along rough cement (seriously, it was about as long as its legs)...and don't talk smack, you know y'all would've been checking it out too!

We drove through Solvang, which is a replica of a Danish village (read: tourist trap)....lots of cutsie Swiss shops here, but the real treat is the bakery...De-lish!

We spent the night at the Embassy Suites in Lompoc...neither of us knew anything about this city, but it was pretty close to the wineries & had available rooms. There was a fireman's convention going on, so the hotel had a few hot fireman strolling around. I sat next to one in the lounge area who looked a lot like Colin Farrell....the interesting thing about this guy is that I noticed that he had SIX toes....the baby toe had a baby that was born prematurely. Now, I don't know 'bout you, but if I have a sixth toe, my ass would not be wearing flip flops anywhere outside of my house...I don't care how hot it is (or how hot I look).

The upside of this hotel stay is that they have a social hour (more like 3 hours) where you could get complimentary snacks & drinks....as in beer, wine, or cocktails....for FREE....so after 2 whiskey sours and a rum & coke (for each of us) on top of all the wine swimming around in our tummys, we needed to take a disco nap....we slept from 7 until 9pm and woke up hungry...

So we threw ourselves together & went out to see what Lompoc's restaurants had to offer. Well, what we found out about Lompoc's restaurants is that they all close at 9 pm....(on a Saturday??!!).....WTF!!!....we drove around for miles looking for somewhere to eat, but the only places that were open were McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc ......so we ended up eating Little Caesar's pizza....so delicious (not really).

It was a great weekend that went by WAY too fast....I'm already making tentative plans for a return visit in the fall.....hope y'all had a good weekend!

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Wanna IM ?


I just signed up for a Yahoo Instant Messenger thingy...I know, I'm way late, right?

Trying to keep up with the cool kids here, so why not add me to your contacts & holla at a young'n....sheeeet!

Please note that my Yahoo ID is CleverFoool (that's THREE o's)....some little shit stole my idea for a screen name, thus the third "o".

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

When The Cat's Away

I woke up very late this morning, yet was able to throw myself together in record time & still show up to work "on time". I need to give a shout out to Baby Jebus & give thanks for getting rid of any traffic jams. When I got to my desk, one of my co-workers really made my day, when she told me that the Big Bad Boss was out sick today.....Blessed, am I!

So far today, I've managed to visit many of my co-workers & just shoot the shit with them (it's all about bonding, yo)....then I was able to take care of some online shopping, blog reading, & some personal stuff (pooping).

At 11:30, I went to lunch with my buddy, "Keanu".....I've dubbed him that cuz he looks a hella lot like him only taller, thinner, & more well endowed....ok, I'm guessing at that one, since I've never seen either's wangs........yet.

Keanu wanted to take me back to his place to this Sushi bar that he swears is "da shizz"....he was right, it was damn tasty y'all....Sushi, twice in less than a week?...fine with me! I just hope the boss doesn't find out that we took 2 hours for lunch....wheeee!

Now, it's time to get some work done, so that the guilt of doing absolutely nothing becomes too overwhelming.....Ha!