Thursday, January 31, 2008

Tennis, Anyone?

Just before the pagan Holiday Season started, a friend & I bought tennis rackets to get back into the game...I learned how to play when I was a pre-teen, at a local park that taught lessons on Saturdays.

Part of the fee for the lessons was bringing in a can of tennis balls each week. After about the 6th week into the lessons, my Dad had had enough of buying a can of balls each week. He even rallied some of the other parents one Saturday to protest, and that was the day that about 4 kids (including me) & their parents were told to leave the park and never come back. My Dad & my best friend's father got really nasty & said things to the instructor that basically called him a thief and a loser.

I was so devastated. Here, I finally had a chance to play a real sport that I actually liked & was starting to get pretty good at, but papa's short fuse/anger management issues changed all of that....and that's why I'm gay...kidding.

So, it's been a long time since I actually played, and I have lost all skill & technique that I once had. I've played about three times since early December, and I've fallen in love with it again. If I play on a regular basis, I know that I'll be able to lose some of the baby fat I've been carrying around. I would love to have a tennis player's body, say Andy Roddick....oooh...and a booty like that other tennis player would be nice too....what's that name? Oh right....Serena Williams:

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Hush...the Garden's Sleeping!

Spring 2007

I miss the flowers in my tiny side garden...I even miss all of the "chores" that are involved in tending a garden. Gardening is very therapeutic for me. I only wish I had some real land to tend to, so that I could grow some veggies in the summer, set up a little stand on my street corner & put my chilluns to work selling my reapage (is that a word?)....those two really need to start earning their keep around here.

Maybe in the next chapter of my life, I'll get that garden, along with the big ass house located somewhere coastal...I'm thinking anywhere south of Newport Beach, but north of San Diego....a boy can dream, can't he?!

2007 was pretty successful, gardening wise. The house always had a few fresh flowers throughout spring & summer. Now, the roses have all been pruned, the perennials have been cut back, and the weeds have disappeared.

The weather in L.A. has only recently turned wintery...eight days of rain...which we desperately needed. Here's what the garden looks like today...slowly waking me!

Winter 2008

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A Lovely City

This is my current favorite jam (been playing it on repeat at work)...I know it's been out awhile, but I'm just now getting hip to it:

Artist: Fedde La Grand

Song: "Put Your Hands Up For Detroit"

I'm thinking of adopting "La Grand" as an alias... hmm...maybe combining that with Sebastian...Sebastian La Grand...sounds so Euro Chic...or is that Euro Trash?

Enjoy the video:

Monday, January 28, 2008


Today is my 40th Birthday!...yes, I'm officially over the hill...just what hill does that expression refer to anyway?...I guess it's better to be over the hill, then under it, no?...and is this an American expression, cuz we sure do have some lame ass ones....oops, digressing here.

It's funny, as a kid I thought that 40 meant that you'd be knocking on Death's door...what a silly little shit I was!

I don't feel "old"...honestly, I feel the same now as I did 10 or 15 years ago. Oh sure, my hair's thinned out a bit, my waistline has grown, my ass isn't as high & mighty as it once was...but I'm healthy, I'm loved, I've got great friends (especially those of you that are reading this), a beautiful family, and above everything else, I can still drop it like it's hot!

I guess not feeling my age is a good thing, as I'll probably need to continue to work for another 40 years or so...Social Security my arse!

All right, enough of my babbling...Do me a favor and save your Viagra jokes, your snarky comments about senior discounts, spare me the AARP membership remarks, and pass me a slice of birthday cake already!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Extremely Late

So, today is the last day that I can honestly say that I'm in my late 30's....Le deep, gay, sigh!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Could You Be Any Gayer?

I have to say that this season of Project Runway is pretty mellow, yet I'm still addicted to the show.

On this week's episode, I was happy to see that control freak, Victorya, get booted off. I never saw any talent in her, and I was surprised that she outlasted Kit...but whatever.

I predict that the final 3 will be Rami (he'll win the entire thing), Christian (what a little Bitch he's turned into), and Ricky (even though I want this crying mess to go next)...I have a feeling that Sweet P is going to screw up soon, with some kind of hippy/folksy/cabaret tragedy, Chris will end up making a drag queen costume, and Jillian will bleed to death by pricking her finger one too many times...that, or she'll over-extend herself yet again & run out of time.

Anyhoo, here's a video of MadTV spoofing the show:

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Can't Get You Out of My Bed

If all goes as planned, I'll be in bed with Kylie Minogue next month....jealous?

Truth be told (dammit), I'm referring to her new line of bedsheets and linens that she's launching in February. The bedding will hit the stores next month and the designs will be inspired by her stays in some of the world's most expensive hotels. That's hot, Kylie.

Due to a six degrees of separation moment, I had the chance to stalk meet the little pop princess yesterday, thanks to fellow blogger, Mondo Rick-o, who mentioned that he was asked to interview La Minogue at a certain L.A. hotel (Chateau Marmont)....but sadly, he couldn't make it, due to prior commitments....Poor Richard, I feel your pain brotha!

I seriously thought about showing up during my (extended) lunch break. I knew the where & when, my clothing choices & hair were looking fierce, so I'd at least make it to the lobby, but the way my luck/karma has been going lately, I thought better not chance getting arrested....[deep, gay sigh!]

In other news, here's a recent pic of Madonna's hand ....(sorry Joe!)


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Pffft !

Not much going on today, other than a whole lotta farting around at work (literally). It seems I wasn't alone in my slow day, as I received all kinds of joke emails pretty much all day long. Someone sent me the pic below & asked me if I'd like this for my birthday present.

How offensive! I was a little speechless after this baby popped up on my screen...I really don't want to know what this is (even though I've gots me an idea)...I'm hoping it's really a kleenex dispenser.

Here's another little gem that arrived in my email inbox...I love this bumper sticker!

That is all...

Monday, January 21, 2008

Coyote Pretty

Over the weekend I also got to visit my folks' new home in Mayberry San Jacinto. When Mama mentioned where they were moving to, I balked at how they were moving to Hicksville (no offense to my redneck readers), but I quickly shut my damn mouth, once I saw how lush/pretty the area was and how big their house is. Oh, and there's also a casino just down the street from them.

On the ride back home, I nearly hit 2 coyotes running across the highway. It was a mother/offspring pairing, and I really wanted to chase them down and snatch up the baby, to raise as my own and to skin the mama to make me a new pair of ear muffs.....I'm kidding...I don't wear ear muffs, but I do wear gloves....'mkay?

When I got home, I saw that a friend emailed me the above's from Prada. This is one of their looks that they showed at the Milan Fall/Winter 2008 fashion show. Yes, yes y''s a tutu. Now, the ONLY way I'd wear this tutu (out in public) was if I had that mama coyote on a leash, and she was hungry.

Oh you make me laugh!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

It's Still Alive !

Over the weekend, I saw Cloverfield. Wow, what a roller coaster ride of a movie. The shaky, hand held camera style of filming wasn't a problem at all, in fact I think it added to the suspense factor....I was sort of dreading that I'd end up nauseated midway through the movie, but it wasn't an issue at all.

Here's a tip for anyone who hasn't seen this movie yet: make sure you smuggle in your own sodas/candy don't leave your seat until after the final credits roll...just watch the screen carefully & don't blink or you'll miss it....oh, and there's also some audio (a whisper) at the end, which is supposedly spoken in English (not Russian, as some people are saying) that when played backwards says this:

I only wish I'd seen the movie at Mann's Chinese Theater (awesome sound system)....the above pic is a model of Lady Liberty that stands outside the theater. Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't go or else I would've tried to rip that statue off for my living room....there's a perfect spot for it, right where the Christmas tree used to be.

I give this movie 2 snaps up!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

It Don't Matter What You Wear

The Uber-Fashionable, Michael Guy, reminded me that Milan is currently showcasing Fall/Winter 2008 collections, from some of the clothing designers that I lust after...I mean, I lust after the clothes and not so much the designers...although Stefano Gabanna ...oops, digressing here.

I used to be much more into fashion. Designer labels used to have meaning & value to me. I used to own a ridiculous amount of clothes. I had charge cards to every major department store that was around at the time (I miss you Bullocks), and those babies saw a lot of swiping action. I could go an entire month without wearing the same pants, shirts, or underwear...but those days, along with a mountain of credit card debt (and my 28" waist) are long gone.

This expensive/irrational love affair with designer clothing died a slow death. It was a necessary death. I had to stop buying clothes that I couldn't afford & honestly didn't need. I had to stop equating shopping with happiness & finally live within my means.

Today, my wardrobe is much more streamlined. I don't own a single department store charge card, and I'm just as happy in a t-shirt from Old Navy, as I am in a dress shirt from Armani. I do treat myself occasionally and buy something "nice" to wear, but I'm in control now...also, I do own a lot of jeans still, but they're very necessary, each & every pair.

Anyhoo...As suspected, Milan saw suits, suits, and even more suits, but there were are a few of my favorite looks that got sashayed down the runways in Milan last week.

DSquared ~ I'm digging this nod to punk, and I used to own a pair of shoes exactly like the ones in the pic. If I were down to my goal weight, I think I could pull this look off...only, I'd have the pants tailored a little longer.

Moschino ~ I do loves me some "Mo". Yes, these 2 looks are similar, sorta, but I can't decide which I like more...the one on the left reads a little "doorman-ish", but I think I can make it work. Ah hell, I love both of these jackets I'll take them both.

Gotta run...the Paris shows start today...Happy Shopping!

ps: The answers are 32" Waist (someday this year) & Medium.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bunny Chowder Rocks!

Here's a band that's no one's ever heard of, not even PeeWee (my source for all the latest/coolest music)...and he's never heard of this album, because the band doesn't exist. This is part of a meme that I snagged from someone out in the blogosphere, since none of y'all bitches seem to think about me when you're playing favorites & tagging all your other BFFs or whatever...but I digress.

Anyhooo....If you want to play along, here's what you do:

The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Get creative with whatever graphics/photo editing program rocks your world, and combine steps one, two, and three and voila!


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Bjork Gone Wild...Again!

Ok, back in 1996, the Icelandic sprite attacked a journalist welcoming her to Bangkok, and just last Sunday, she attacks a newspaper photographer shortly after she arrived at New Zealand’s Auckland International Airport.

Bjork, who is in New Zealand visiting Franck for the Big Day Out concert on Friday, tore photographer Glenn Jeffrey’s t-shirt, after he photographed her arriving at the airport. Bjork was traveling with a male companion, who warned Jeffrey not to take any photos. I'm guessing the photographer must've said the trigger word (like "welcome") or maybe he mentioned that her last couple of albums were complete crap.

According to Mr. Jeffrey:

"I took a couple of pictures ... and as I turned and walked away she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy (T-shirt) and tore it".

"As she did this, she fell over, she fell to the ground," he said. "At no stage did I touch her or speak with her."

Bjork said nothing throughout the incident but her male companion was saying: "B, don’t do this, B, don’t do this," Jeffrey said.

So now is her crazy ass going to be punished for attacking this guy? Don't get it twisted...I DO loves me some B, but this little psycho needs to pay for her actions.

Here she is in action, back in '96.

Here's one of my favorite songs from her: Isobel


Monday, January 14, 2008

The Weekend Wrap Up

I had a pretty mellow weekend...which is just what I wanted.
  • Took down Christmas at my house....I really wanted to keep the tree up through Valentine's Day, but with the Santa Ana winds blowing this week & the moisture sucked completely out of the tree, I thought better not to risk it. Besides, some ungrateful ornaments were actually removingthemselves from the tree.....deep sigh.
  • I saw the movie Juno...and loved it....go see it, it'll make you feel all warm & fuzzy.
  • Saturday night, I spent a ridiculous amount of time flossing out a piece of popcorn kernel husk that buried itself deep between 2 teeth.
  • I spent some quality time bonding with my girls by playing God of War 2 on our PlayStation 3...and we beat the game. I almost peed myself watching the cliffhanger ending & the hint of what's to come in God of War 3...Titans vs the Gods of Olympus???!!! ........Bring it already!
  • I spent some quality time with myself.......twice.

Happy Monday y'all!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Back To Black

Oh, Amy...child, what have you done to your hair?...and where is that rat's nest, oops, I mean beehive at?

Get thee to a hairdresser today! Oh, and if you're gonna start changing your looks, can you also stop wearing the Cleopatra eyes? That really bugs me.
One last snarky comment, I'm on a roll here....girl, get you some food in you...nicotine is not a meal replacement.

In other, non-related news: my left eyelid has been having a twitch fit for the last few days. What's up with that & how do I stop the twitch?

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous

Someone once asked me: "Can anyone ever be too gay"?....Hmmm...what would Robert Trinh, oops...I mean Bobby Trendy say?

Pictures courtesy of Getty Images


Monday, January 7, 2008

I Can See Clearly Now

I don't recognize the outside world today...L.A. got quite a bit of rain over the weekend (and my car finally got washed...thank you baby Jebus), which helped to blow away the smog & wash away some of the filth...for a few days at least. I am in awe of how beautiful the snow capped hills are...kinda makes me want to head up to Big Bear & go skiing...and then later slip into a hot tub with a pitcher of margaritas, but I digress.

The day started off so well this morning...traffic was light, I was breathing relatively clean air, the hair was looking good, I found $10 in my coat pocket...and then it I was walking up the steps to my office building, I stepped on a snail & the weak ass shell cracked under the weight of my foot....thus destroying any positive karma/energy/mojo/hoodoo-voodoo/good vibes I was feeling...yup, that little omen was pretty damn accurate as the rest of the day at work sucked (read: I couldn't surf the 'net all day)....oh least my hair looked good!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

You Learn Something New Everyday

A good friend is like a fine wine even better with benefits a thing to cherish...but sometimes a good friend will do or say something that really throws you for a loop. Last night, I was talking to a very good friend, and I mentioned that my microwave tilapia with shrimp scampi dinner tasted like earwax, with a dash of dirty ass...well the creamy sauce it was swimming in did...after questioning me how I knew what earwax tasted like, he (name withheld to prevent any embarrassment) shared a secret with me...regarding earwax.

Have you ever poured yourself some soda, a little too fast, and notice that the bubbles are threatening to spill over?...fear not, all you need to do is stick your finger into your ear, then quickly put the waxy tip of that finger into the bubbles, and they instantly retreat back into the glass.

This is one experiment that I will not be testing, but apparently my friend actually scored a free meal from some fools who had the nerve to bet him that he was BS-ing. Interesting, no?

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

2008 is going to be a big year for me, as I turn an age that ends with a zero, later this month. I think it's time for me to grow up a little, so here are some New Year's resolutions that I'm making this year to help me do so:
  • Stop wearing tighty-whities...some stains just can't be shouted out.
  • Finally buy some artwork to put on the walls...I've been in the same place for almost 1.5 years and I'm sick of looking at bare walls.
  • Get in the best shape of my life...I'd love to be able to walk along a beach, shirtless, without feeling like I should apologize to the public.
  • Be more social...I need to rekindle old friendships & work harder at maintaining the new ones.
  • Pay down my debt and boost up my savings & 401k contributions.
  • Get a new job...I truly loathe my current job, but I'd like to stay with my employer (looking to transfer), as I've got awesome benefits/vacation.

That's it...I think all of these are easily achievable...let's see where I stand on next New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year, Y'all!