Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm Addicted to You!

Daaaaamn you MSN!

You have seduced me with your simple, wholesome, time/productivity robbing (free) online game called Bubble's a good thing that I DO NOT play this game while I am at work all....nope.

Now if only I could get past level 8 !

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I honestly wasn't surprised at today's outcome, but I am still disappointed.

Work, Work, Work It!

I'd like to dedicate the following song/video to Paul...who only recently discovered this song...I know, I know...btw, he recently got busted whilst sashaying his junk up a staircase. Let me paint you a picture: We were at a movie theater, walking up the stairs toward the restrooms, there was no one around, so when I commanded that he arch his back and "work the steps"....he did. As a bonus, when he reached the top of the stairs he even gave a twirl....and that's when, out of a little nook at the landing (that can't be seen until you reach the top of the stairs and look left), came a voice that said "Hey Paul" was one of his coworkers. I just about died from laughter.

Paulie: this one's for you! please stop f*ckin saying "Sashay Shante" already !!!

Here's an uber gay video that I saw over the weekend. If you listen closely, you can hear some annoying queen yelling "Wuuuurrrrkk!!" throughout the video. Oh wait, that was me...never mind. FYI, the video cuts off at around 2 mins 45 seconds.

Finally, here's a video from Jonny McGovern (aka The Gay Pimp) that I just discovered called "Something For the Fellas"...Now I find myself going around constantly saying "Work, Bitch" Mom didn't find it amusing when I ended last night's conversation with that expression though.

WARNING: it's best to consider this video as NSFW.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Who's Ugly Now?


Ron Reagan Jr. let drug addict & Viagra user Rush Limbaugh have it yesterday, in response to Limbaugh's suggestion that posting a photo of Nancy Pelosi in "every cheap hotel room in America would cut the birth rate because, hey, no man could get it up with Pelosi's ugly mug in the room, right?"

Here's what Reagan Jr had to say:

Limbaugh hasn't had a natural erection since the Nixon Administration; think he's compensating for something? Now, I wouldn't pick on him for any of this stuff, not his blubbiness, not his man-boobs, not his inability to have a natural erection—none of that stuff—to me, off limits until! until! Mr. Limbaugh, you turn that sort of gun on somebody else—once you start doing that, you're fair game, fat boy. Absolutely, you jiggly pile of mess. You're just fair game, and you're going to get it, too.

Oh, Snap!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My Bowl Runneth Over

Have you ever been at work and you suddenly felt a sharp, knowing pain in your tummy that caused you to grab a newspaper and head off to the restroom to "read" for awhile....and then, after about 10 minutes of "reading", you realize just how productive you were. But such production comes at a price, and by price I mean a LOT of paper must be used to, erm, clean up my hidden valley.

And....have you ever used up so much paper cleaning up, that the bowl sorta over flows when you flush it? And, have you ever run out of the restroom, giggling the entire way back to your desk? And, did you fail to notify maintenance about what you just ran away from?

No?....yeah, me neither.

ps: While I was in the restroom, "reading", someone came into the room, closed the door and let loose a long lasting, grumbling/growling fart...and then he left. He didn't even haved the decency to wash his hads. What a pig!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Twice Upon A Time

Once upon a time, I had a 28" waist...and I wished that I wasn't so damn skinny. I actually remember walking into Robinson's and trying on a pair of navy blue Calvin Klein tapered leg pants (my generation's version of the skinny jean) and I was swimming in a size 28...I bought the pants (and a canvas belt) anyway and wore the hell out of those pants that school year. They were the perfect length and looked great with my white espadrilles.

Those days are long gone and I'll never be that thin again...and that's ok...I'd look like a lollipop if my waist shrunk that small, and besides, my birthing hips just aren't going away...'Mkay?

Once upon a time, I had a blog that I thought about all the time. I would constantly be aware of potential situations to blog about. I would think of new blog headers to create, or templates to try out. Keeping the blog current and fresh was actually a big part of my day to day.

Those days and those habits seem to have slipped into the ether....and that's NOT ok. So, for the one hundredth time again this year, I'm going to state my renewed dedication to the blog and I will try my damnedest to get back on track and write much more regularly.

Now excuse while I loosen my non-28 inch waist pants...big lunch today...don't judge.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Here; In My Head

Question: What do Alison Goldfrapp, a garden gnome, and an elephant all have in common?

Answer: They were all in my dream last night.

The dream started out with Goldfrapp & me walking around a forest, picking up silvery tree bark that had fallen off of the trees. She said that she needed to have the "mess" all cleaned up before sunset or "she'd be fired". I asked her who was going to fire her and why were we picking this stuff up & bagging it? She got angry with me and told me that if I was going to keep asking stupid questions, then I could just go home...So I did. Bitch.

The dream then morphed into me sitting on my bed (which had a HUGE mirrored 20 feet tall) reading a book. Then I started to hear a knocking sound coming from the inside of my dresser's bottom drawer. Something was inside the drawer and was knocking, for someone to release it. You probably guessed by now that it was the garden gnome (actually, it was one of the gnomes that hangs out in my garden, only newer/cleaner). When I opened the drawer to release him, he "stood up" and yelled "Boo!"... and then he burst into a cloud of glitter (so gay, that one!).

Confused, I decided that it was time for a little drinky-drink, so off I went to my kitchen....but before leaving my bedroom, I saw something out on my front lawn...something BIG was on my front lawn. So, I moved the sheer curtains aside (which, in reality, do not exist on any windows in my house), and saw an elephant on my lawn, squatting, about to take a dump...I banged on the window and started to scream "Nooooo!"....and that's when I woke up.

Strange dream, no? Still trying to figure it out.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Come Into My World


Kylie Minogue announces 2009 U.S. Tour dates...I think I wet myself a little:

Sep. 30 - Oakland - Fox Theater
Oct. 03 - Las Vegas - The Pearl
Oct. 04 - Los Angeles -Hollywood Bowl
Oct. 07 - Chicago - Congress Theater
Oct. 11 - NYC - Hammerstein Ballroom

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

What's That You've Got On?

A Clever Fool

Just Foolish

5 De Mayo

On the Dinner Menu tonight:
  • Chicken Enchiladas
  • Homemade Guacamole
  • Margaritas (on the rocks, hold the salt).

Monday, May 4, 2009



Sheesh, where did the weekend go? Mine was pretty low key. Went shopping, cleaned house, futzed around in the garden, and ran errands, mainly. I noticed on Saturday morning that many of my neighbors' gardens were looking really good, so I cleaned up my tiny flower beds a bit...gotta keep up with the " Jones' "!

There was a little hummingbird that flew into the garden, while I was watering, and was about a foot away from me, drinking in the flower's nectar. Luckily, I had my phone on me, so I whipped it out (the camera...not my schlong) and snapped some pics. Then the little bugger zoomed in on my face and floated about 6 inches away from my nose. I was frozen in panic/fascination. I think I read somewhere that it's good luck if they stab you in the eye...but I could be mistaken. Fortunately, he was all filled up and just wanted to check me out before he zipped away.

The highlight of Saturday night was watching 3 straight boys in a gay bar. They knew it was a gay bar. They were there to get their friend plastered. The friend is a Marine that was being shipped off to Iraq Sunday morning. Oh, and all 3 of the guys wore bathrobes over speedos. After 10 minutes, the robes came off and all 3 were getting their dance on with the lesbians. One of their straight female friends showed up to support her friends by dropping trou and grinding on her guys. Not that I was checking them out or anything...but the one that was around 4'10" looked like he had a 3rd leg growing out of his crotch (trapped in a pair of red speedos).

I would've taken a pic of the straights in their chonies, but that's just wrong......(read: my damn phone's camera doesn't take good pics in low light).