Beverly Leslie is a Homosexual

This post is for my BFF, even though I'm not even sure if he still reads this blog. To all other readers, please forgive the overuse of cliches.

Dear L.B. (aka Beverly Leslie) :

I just want to let you know that I am one blessed bitch, to have you as a friend. You've seen me shining at my best, and you've also been there to pick me up & dust me off, whenever I've taken a tumble.

You're my biggest cheerleader, and I can never thank you enough for all of the support you've given me over the years. Your MANY daily phone calls to my workplace is a welcomed distraction to the chaos that's currently ruling my life.

You're the Patsy Stone to my Edina Monsoon....and "Sweetie Darling", that's just Absolutely Fabulous!

Feliz Dia de Los Muertos

October 31, 2009

Halloween Bling

I Love my black glitter skull, (purchased from Target for only $5)...the picture doesn't do it's fabulousness justice.

I'm tracking Z Gallerie's website to see when this bad boy (below) goes on sale. I think I need a pair for next year. Bling Bling!

Howling at The Moon

Tonight you can find me howling at the moon at 9:00 pm sharp. Why you ask? Because tonight is the 1st Annual Planet Wide Moon Howl ...duh! Click the link for the deets.

Crapple Dapple

My Bushy Head

Gurl, I need to get my hair did. Seriously, My 'do is looking quite bushy these days... and that's just unacceptable.

Yesterday, I had a really good hair day. After showering & beating toweling off, I slapped on some hair product, bent over to pick up the brush I just dropped, pulled down the back of my chonies to let loose a fart (yeah, like y'all don't do that too), and then looked in the mirror.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that my hair had fallen perfectly into place. It never fails, I only have good hair on days when I'm either going to work, or staying in for the night.

Driving in to work, I couldn't help but sing Amanda Lepore's anthem: "I don't know much about clothes, but my hair looks fierce"! ....because it did.

Well, Karma is a cruel bitch....and Vanity likes to laugh in your face. I found this out when I popped into the workplace's restroom (upon arriving to Le Workplace) to check my look in the mirror. Somehow, my hair managed to transform itself into a pile of what looked like out-of-control pubic & armpit hair...well, maybe that's a bad image...let's just say that it looked more like a brillo pad. Le sigh.

Supercuts, here I come!

How Many Licks to Make Me Pop?

For me, the best part of Halloween is having an excuse to dress in drag... er... I mean, all of the candy that finds its way to my desk. Someone at the workplace is a kindred spirit and has been providing me with daily handfuls of Root Beer Barrels. Mmm...I can suck on these little chubs all day long...and I do.

Many years ago, when my body was naturally smooth I Trick-R-Treated in my neighborhood, I would usually end up disappointed after dumping out my stash, only to find that I had amassed a bag full of Dum-Dums, licorice, melted & "reformed" chocolate (aka last year's chocolate), butterscotch, fruit (WTF?), pencils, and pennies... but the most hated candy was, and still is: Candy Corn....does anyone actually like this crap?

I was always lucky enough to find that one house that left a bowl full of candy, along with a note that asked that we only take ONE candy EACH... yeah...right, Suckas!!

Last Halloween, I made the mistake of buying way too much chocolate (the good stuff too), and hardly any kids showed up. The last family that came to my door had about 5 kids with them, and let me tell you, they scored... big time. As they walked away, one of the kids said to his parents "Let's come back to this house again next year".

Little do they know that I'm turning off all the lights early and watching TV in the dark... Suckas!

Word Verification

Well, Thank You very much, my Taiwanese SpamBots...you have forced my hand to enable the Word Verification function. Now, whenever a treasured reader leaves me a comment, they have one more step to take.

Thanks for making everyone's lives a Living Hell.

P.S. : the above pic has absoultely nothing to do with this post, (which isn't much of a post in itself...more of a rant), I just like it...and I'm a little envious of that troll's booty.

Wee-Gee Bored

I've always been tempted to buy a Ouija Board, but never knew where to go to buy one. I just want to see if the thing really works. I've lived a very sheltered life. I've never even played that party levitation game Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.

I've heard tons of stories from friends that claim that the thing really works...followed by stern warnings to NOT buy or USE a Ouija... EVER! That only makes me want to use one even more.

Have any of you used a Ouija before....if yes...what happened?

Paranormal Activity

Over the weekend, I saw the much anticipated movie (for me anyway), Paranormal Activity. I had read about all of the hype this movie was generating and how it was supposed to be one of the scariest movies ever made....I was really hoping that I'd leave the theater having my $hit freaked out.

What a HUGE let down. Yes, the movie was good and it had its moments of suspense...but the best part(s) of this movie were the last 10 minutes. It was a little too slow moving for me. I kept yelling (mentally) : "Come on Spookies...do something!"

On the plus side: there was more comedy in this movie than I expected, and the male lead was pretty easy on the eyes (and he had nice big feets!), and the final couple of scenes were seriously intense. I do recommend this movie...just don't be a sucka like me, and fall for all the hype!

Narcissistic Me

I planted some Narcissus bulbs this weekend. Here is a pic of 3 bulbs, for your perusal... Enjoy!

Frank is Fierce!

Not sure which look I like best...

...Frank with or without a weave.

Baby Dancing to Single Ladies

Art Nouveau

This is some Craziness....

...but, how would you scratch your arse with the last set?

Callate !

Over the weekend, I saw the movie Pandorum. It was a pretty good flick. I didn't realize that the critic's reviews weren't so good. I dunno, maybe I'm just easy to please. However, there were 2 things about watching this movie that I absolutely hated...crying babies & the a-hole who spent the entire movie on the phone.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that he spent the ENTIRE movie on the phone.

What the? ...Who the? ...How the?

Someone actually got up & complained, and an usher came in. As soon as the usher made his way up to the back row (where the douche bag was sitting), the chatter stopped. Guess what...as soon as the usher left, the jackass started to yap again. So clearly, he knows that it's wrong to talk during a movie, but he just doesn't give a f*ck.

I went to the movie with my Boo (Paul) and 2 dear friends (Chris & Tim). Tim has big balls. Tim has VERY big balls. I say this because he was wearing extremely tight shorts and no chonies. I kid, I kid.....Tim has big cojones because after the usher left and the chatting resumed, Tim actually turned around and said "excuse me, would you please stop talking during the movie?" The talking stopped for a little while.

Before the movie was over, the guy left with his ho bag. Chris was smart enough to let the management know what we had to put up with, and they gave us 4 free tickets.

Maybe next time I visit this theater, I'll bring my taser with me.

La Rosa Blanca

One of the department managers, at my place of employment, gave everyone a rose today.

A few years ago, when he used to work for the same company as his wife does, he brought her 75 roses on their wedding anniversary.

Many of the coworkers complained that he didn't bring them any roses. Every year since, he brings in 75 roses and distributes one rose to everyone in our department. It really classes up my dreary gray cubicle (please disregard the vase it's in).

I asked him for a white rose, because just like me, it symbolizes purity...He snorted.

Can't Fool a Fool

This past Saturday, I took my car to the dealer for its 30k mile service maintenance. The last time I took my car in for an oil change, I was told by the service manager, "Tony", that I would need to get the 15k AND 30k mile service done, in order to keep my warranty valid. I called bullshit, but just said "ok, sure".

A few weeks later when I called to set up the appointment for the 30k service, I asked "Maria" if I needed to get the 15k as well, and I was told "no, the 30k service will bring you current".

Hmm...methinks "Tony" was trying to rip me off. Then when I asked "Maria" about pricing, I was told $550.....WTF??!!...Nearly $600 for a glorified tune-up? Now it sounded like Maria was trying to rip me off too.

I called around other dealerships in the area, and Sho'Nuff, I found a dealership that only charged $390....(but with my 15% off coupon, the total damage was only $332).

To get the revenge that I was clearly entitled to, I did NOT call back the rip-off dealership to cancel my 8:00 am appointment.

Take that scammers !

Fall On Me

Even though the next couple of days are supposed to be in the 90's (%$#@ !!!), I've got Fall on my mind.

Lurrrrve this porch...I could totally recreate the look...if only my 'hood wasn't full of thieves!

I wish I knew where this picture was taken...cuz, I'd like to walk right up to the front door, tear off that ugly wreath and ring the doorbell... Wheeeeeeeeeee!

No New Taxes !!!

Please don't tax my Sodie!

Diet sodas are exempt? Oh...never mind.

**************************************

09/11

"Every year on this day, we are all New Yorkers"

~ President Barack Obama~

Ten Years

Today is the 10th anniversary of the day that my oldest daughter, Lauren, was diagnosed with diabetes. She was only 8 years old when the diagnosis was made.

I remember that ugly day so clearly. I had just started a crappy accounting job with a food distributor. When I got the call that Lauren was being admitted into the hospital, I told my boss why I needed to leave. She asked me (with a look of disgust) how long I was going to be gone for. I should've quit on the spot, but I gave that witch 3 more weeks before I finally quit (with a 4 hour notice).

I drove to the hospital, fighting back emotions and choking down tears. Her mother & I didn't want to show any signs of panic or fear, since diabetes is something an 8-year old really doesn't comprehend.

When I walked into that hospital room and saw my little one sitting on that bed, drowning in a sea of blankets, I just froze in the doorway. She smiled at me, and in her little voice, said "Hi Daddy"....beaming at me with that same smile that I still catch glimpses of today.

I bent over to hug her, but instead, fell on top of her and just lost it. I began to cry uncontrollably.

I cried for all of the birthday cakes she would be denied, for all of the needles she would come to know, for all of the life adjustments she would have to make, but mostly I cried for this Innocent having to suffer this damn disease for the rest of her life. Her mother had to stand me up and remind me that I was going to scare Lauren if I didn't get a hold of myself.

We know that diabetes is NOT a death sentence, and Lauren is very much in control of this disease and not the other way round...and that is exactly why every year, on this date, we celebrate Lauren kicking diabetes in the ass.

Happy (kicking) Diabetes (in the ass) Day, Baby!

Daddy is so damn proud of You!

Nobody Walks in L.A.

I must be a nobody then, cause I walked in L.A. this past Saturday...Downtown L.A. that is.

First stop was Bottega Louie. I was planning on eating lunch here, but wasn't hungry when I arrived. After walking around the dining area and checking out what the patrons were eating, I've decided that I'll definitely be back for lunch. I did purchase some French Macaroons. They came in a fancy pink box that made me look sooooo gay (the bag was clear plastic).

After my sugar fix, I checked out L.A. Live...that new "entertainment campus" that's adjacent to Staple's Center. It's still very much a work in progress, so most of the restaurants are still closed. I am looking forward to the opening of the new Ritz Carlton, which is part of L.A. Live's campus. Drinks at the Ritz in 2010, for sure.

One of the restaurants that I want to check out is Trader Vic's. I loves me some tiki tiki. It was closed when I got there and didn't open until 4:00 pm. Boo!

Finally, I went on a hunt for Tim Gunn, at the FIDM campus, but he was nowhere to be found!

Downtown L.A. is really cleaning itself up quite nicely. Gorgeous lofts and condos on practically every corner!

I used to work across the street from the Staples Center, and now I don't recognize the streets that used to be so familiar...and that's a good thing!

Saturday Night Dance Party

Loving this song...Karen O's voice sounds like one part Siouxsie Sioux and one part Chrissie Hynde.

"Zero" ~ Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

Vacation, Here I Come!

Why does today seem like the longest day, ever? I'm guessing it's because I've turned into a clock watcher waiting for 5:00... As of quitting time today, my booty will be on vacation for 10 days. Woot!

I wish I was going somewhere exotic to relax, but I'm pretty much going to be taking a 'staycation', where I'll just putter around the house, and take little daily excursions....I'm thinking checking out The Getty Villa, Laguna Beach, and checking out a lot of local hot spots.

Any suggestions from the Peanut Gallery??

The heat will probably cause me to curse a lot and drain me of energy, but at least I won't be sitting in my air conditioned cubicle, reading blogs all day. My new camera needs a good workout so next weeks blog posts will probably be chock full of pics.

Come on 5:00...Daddy's cocktail is waiting for him.

Roman Numeral D

This is my 500th post....woot!

A good milestone, yes...but I feel like I should've reached this point much sooner. I blame sheer laziness for taking so long to spit out 500 posts. Well, laziness AND a memory that's beginning to betray me. There have been countless times when a stellar post idea pops into my head (usually while I'm in bed, late at night) and I forget to write myself a note to remind me in the morning.

For example, there was something that I really wanted to write about this week, and I remembered what it was yesterday afternoon, but during this morning's drive to work, I was trying to recall what it was about, but I just couldn't! Anyhoo, enough whining about my aging mind.

Thanks to all of my loyal readers for reading this babble. Please keep coming back for at least another 500 posts!

The Lion Has Passed

Senator Edward Kennedy
February 22, 1932 ~ August 25, 2009

Yogurt Covered Pretzels

Why have I NEVER had these before? My sweet ass tooth was screaming to satisfy it's craving for something sweet, so like any good emotional eater, I gave in.

I picked up a little bag of a dozen of these tasty little treats, and I am loving each bite.

Mmmm...sugary sweet with just a hint of saltiness. I thought I'd snap a pic to honor the occasion (please note the fancy linens).

Wait...where did the other 8 pretzels go?

[Burp!]

Chew the Fat

I just got back from lunch, where I ate an AMAZINGLY delicious flat iron steak sandwich... from the workplace cafeteria no less. I really enjoyed that lean cut of beef, grilled to perfection, nuzzled between toasty sourdough bread, with just the right mix of tomatoes, cheese, and grilled onions (with a side fruit salad!)...and it only cost me $5.00... Woot!

But then things turned ugly... I was eating lunch with 4 coworkers in the caf, and really enjoying my sandwich, when I realized that I had just bitten into a huge ass piece of gristle. So, now I was faced with 2 questions:

1. How do I EAT this piece of fat without puking, or
2. How do I get rid of the fat without being noticed

Inside my head, I was freaking out....the gristle tasted so nasty & greasy. In one smooth move, I put napkin-to-mouth and casually spit the chunk into the napkin and hid it between my legs. When I pulled the bread back to inspect for more fat, I was disgusted to see more gristle just waiting for me to chow down on. So glad that I had enough smarts to check for more fat before finishing the samich. I really didn't want to repeat that experience.

It's funny, when I was a kid, I loved it whenever my Mom made pork chops....I loved it because, I would always ask family members for their pork chop's strip of fat. I ate it with such delight....Now, the thought literally makes me gag!

Bon Appetit!

Project Runway Season 6

It is my GAY duty to remind y'all that the new season of Project Rungay starts tonight. There's a 2-hour All Star show at 8:00 pm, followed by the premier of season 6 at 10:00 pm.

Make it work!

Vampires, Gods & Monsters

I've been reading on some websites today that Robert Downey Jr. is in talks with Universal to play the Bi-Sesual Vampire, Lestat de Lioncourt, in another installment of Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles. I loves me a good vampire movie, and I am a fan of Anne Rice's work, so bring it!

Sidebar: Is it just me, or does anyone else get a gay vibe from Mr Downey? Ever since I saw him in Less Than Zero (a big time favorite of mine), I thought that there was a very good chance that he may be g-a-y....but not just because of what he does in that movie to score some dope, but more because of other clues that I've sniffed over the years.

Whatever his sexual preference may be, I'm truly happy that RDJ's career is alive & kicking.



This past weekend, I finally got the chance to see the movie Gods & Monsters, starring Sir Ian McKellan & Brendan Fraser. The movie is from 1998 (yeah, I know), and after watching the movie, I started to wonder: did Gandalf, I mean Ian McKellan ever NOT look old? I actually think he looks older in this movie than he does today (I'm guessing that it's due to the power of makeup)...On the serious tip, if you haven't seen this movie yet, you need to check it out!

Here's a synopsis:

The story of James Whale, the director of Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein, in the time period following the Korean War. Whale is homosexual and develops a friendship with his gardener, an ex-Marine. Set in 1957, James Whale, had long since stepped back from the glamor and glitz of Hollywood. A stroke triggers once buried flashes of memory of his life in Dudley, his film career, and, most influentially, the trenches during the Great War. Haunted and lonely, he recounts many of his experiences to his muscle-bound gardener, Clay Boone. Despite the divide that exists between them, their friendship develops. Reliant on his sternly disapproving housemaid, Hannah, the flamboyant director whose time has passed sees himself slipping away, unable to stop the decline, and indulges his fantasies by coaxing Boone to model for him.